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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay £50 for a load of old tat that's been foisted on me?

234 replies

CarrieBradshawsCloset · 17/04/2014 00:36

We get on well with our next door neighbours. We often get together for wine/a takeaway, and the DCs get on well too. We do them quite a lot of favours, such as looking after their pets when they go on holiday, and DH is an electrician so has done a few electrical jobs for them for free. I am a beauty therapist and sometimes wax the woman's eyebrows or paint her nails if she's having a night out, and I never charge her. It's never occurred to me to charge her in all honesty.

She has a DD who is two years older than my DD, and has been saying for a while that she has a big bag of clothes for my DD. My DD has enough clothes and she doesn't need anymore (not bragging, just giving background info), however I said, out of politeness more than anything "thank you, that would be nice".

So anyway, I got back from town today to find a big bag full of clothes on the doorstep. Nothing special, just Tesco, Primark, Asda stuff, that kind of thing, and not in brilliant condition, but useable as play wear. I sent my neighbour a text to say thank you and she sent me a text back saying "£50 will be fine for them all, there's at least £100 worth of stuff there so it's a bargain. Can I have it ASAP please Hon?"

I am genuinely gobsmacked! Firstly that she expects payment in the first place. Secondly because she's essentially foisted the items on me, I didn't ask for them, and thirdly because it's not like it's in good condition, it's old, faded supermarket clothes that are pretty cheap to buy new anyway.

WIBU to pop them next door in the morning and say that we're a bit skint at the moment and I didn't realise she wanted money for them, so she'd probably be better off selling them at a boot sale?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/04/2014 10:42

Yes, and so 'sorry'. Why apologise? For what? There is nothing to apologise for.

No more freebies, either.

Don't offer.

If she asks for beauty treatments, tell her you must now charge. If she counters with, 'You never charged before,' you say, 'Times and circumstances change. I have to charge now.'

ShabbyChic8 · 17/04/2014 10:42

Sad for DD and 5p??? Seriously??

Although I did once share a flat with a girl who made us split the cost of a stamp 3 ways so that she could post a letter to the landlord...

Do what others have said, return the clothes and then no more freebies. It sounds like she will happily take take take without another thought.

MargotLovedTom · 17/04/2014 10:43

She hadn't taken them back in the OP. It was WIBU (Would I...) to take them back and say..., not Was I BU to have taken them back and said...

Hope she has returned them by now though, and has let the neighbour know the lie of the land.

expatinscotland · 17/04/2014 10:44

No 'sorry. Pisstakers prey on others' feelings of guilt and social niceness to chance their arm.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/04/2014 11:24

She treated your dd lie that regarding the chips, she bought her dc chips and not yours Shock. If she was unsure whether your dd could have chips she could have called you. What a nasty person. Distance yoursef and if she asks for favours give her your price list and treat her as you would any other client.

JRmumma · 17/04/2014 11:59

I HATE penny pinching and you never forget about these things do you?

When I was about 18, I went out for the evening and shared a taxi with 2 couples. They had already been picked up and were 2 in the back and 2 in the middle so i just hopped in the front seat next to the driver. When we arrived the fare was 9, and to save the fussing as they were faffing with change etc I just gave the driver a tenner and said to the 2 couples we could just sort it out later.

Anyways, later on one of the blokes handed me 3 and said 'that's for the taxi, it was 9 so 3 per couple'. I wasn't part of a couple, there was only 5 of us in the taxi.

SlimJiminy · 17/04/2014 12:02

She's unbelievable. I was going to suggest that maybe she was worried about buying your DD chips in case you didn't approve, but the 5p suggests that wasn't the case. As someone else has said - if you can't afford to buy everyone chips, you buy one bag and share it. You don't need me to say this again, but what the heck, I'll say it anyway - take the clothes back and text her to say there's been a misunderstanding and because you give hand-me-downs away to friends, you assumed she was doing the same. If you'd known about the cost you wouldn't have agreed to take them off her hands.

expatinscotland · 17/04/2014 12:08

Yy, you misunderstood, fine, but no apology. Cheeky bitch. And NO money. Don't give her a penny.

PoundingTheStreets · 17/04/2014 12:18

Tricky. I'd be Shock at the cheek of it but you have to balance that against having to live next to this woman. Personally, I would probably have edged back from the relationship after the chip incident but as you didn't, I'd use this to start the process. Just be a little bit more unavailable to help out and stop offering freebies until eventually you're not doing anything anymore.

Regarding the clothes, I'd be totally upfront about it. Just say, "Oh, you didn't mention money, so I assumed they were a gift of handmedowns. They'd be appreciated on that basis, but I don't need them so much I'm prepared to pay for them so you'd be better off selling them on ebay or at a carboot. Good luck."

If you wanted to make more of a point, you could say "Oh, you didn't mention money, so I assumed they were a gift between friends a bit like the beauty treatments I do for you. The clothes would come in useful but I don't need them so much I'm prepared to pay for them so you'd be better off selling them on ebay or at a carboot. Good luck."

caruthers · 17/04/2014 12:25

She doesn't sound very nice.

Avoid avoid and avoid again.

JodieGarberJacob · 17/04/2014 12:33

For £50 you could buy dd a whole new wardrobe from Primark so why would you want manky used stuff? As someone said, this is why they're so well off!

rollonthesummer · 17/04/2014 12:55

I really wouldn't worry what she thinks/says. Nobody she tells about this will think you're in the wrong!!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/04/2014 13:34

I'm afraid it's the chips which would have upset me the most - I mean, just WHO would do that to a child, for the sake of the price of a few chips??!!!

Agree with everyone else; just take them back and say you didn't realise she expected payment. I really hope she'll leave it at that, but if she starts justifying herself you really won't have much choice - perhaps say you thought it was in return for all the free treatment you've given her?

An awkward situation all round, but also a useful tip-off for the future when she expects more favours ...

FiloPasty · 17/04/2014 13:36

Shocking!

BackforGood · 17/04/2014 13:55

Agree with all those saying not to say you are skint, but to just be upfront and say you didn't realise she actually wanted money for them, and that, if she was short of cash then she should e-bay them or take them to cash for clothes.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 17/04/2014 13:57

Maybe she didn't give her chips because she wasn't sure you'd not already made her some dinner/lunch etc? I've taken kids out before but rang to check about food if I wasn't sure. Hope that makes sense. If that wasn't the case then I agree that it's dead tight not to give her some chips.

WhoNickedMyName · 17/04/2014 14:18

Once you stop with the freebies, you won't see these 'friends' for dust, you do realise that now don't you?

Personally I'd lose my rag over this and probably lash the clothes on their front lawn and text the neighbour telling her to fuck off.

PersonOfInterest · 17/04/2014 14:23

Leave it on her doorstep with a note attached "not into this sort of stuff thanks anyway hun"

Just slightly offensive.

What a cheek.

Zucker · 17/04/2014 14:34

Grabby fucker your neighbour is. Please let this be an end to the freebies you both give her.

Catsize · 17/04/2014 14:43

Not read entire thread, but shocked re:5p and chips!

Think I would say 'sorry, thought you meant I could borrow the clothes - I don't want to buy them, thank you'.

Oldraver · 17/04/2014 14:48

I dont think the clothes have been returned yet have they ? OP says

WIBU to pop them next door in the morning and say that we're a bit skint at the moment

OP what have you done ?

2sugarsmeans3 · 17/04/2014 14:56

SO nasty to eat in front of your child and not offer her any! Angry

I would also stop completely with the free beauty and electrical work! She's obviously just not that pleasant.
Some people are just 'takers' in life.

Hope it went ok, whatever you decided to tell her.

FrigginRexManningDay · 17/04/2014 15:04

I agree with whoever said that you won't see them for dust when you stop the freebies OP. They are users, not friends.

listsandbudgets · 17/04/2014 15:07

Wow. You have got the wrong neighbours
.

In the last 3 weeks

  • I've fed neighbours cats on both sides for at lesat 5 days a time
  • Neighbour on left has made big cake for DD who was having friends round (didn't ask her to she just popped round with it)
  • Neighbour on right has lent me a step ladder
  • Neighbours over road have delivered huge black sack of clothes for DS that their little boy has grown out of
  • Neighbours just down road have received for us huge black sack for clothes for their new DS (probably mainly from little one across road orginally)
  • Nice man round corner kindly popped round and mended my fuse box after neighbour to my right kindly called him when he found me in tears trying to work out what to do next

How much money exchanged hands? So far as I know NOT ONE PENNY.

YANBU Take them back, explain you didn't expect to be asked for money as normally people don't bother for hand down clothes especially when theyre only super market ones and leave it at that!

DidoTheDodo · 17/04/2014 16:17

Arrange said clothes on the front lawn to spell out "NO THANKS". or words of your choice!

Agreeing with everyone else that your neighbour is trying to pull a fast one, while enjoying your generosity and kindness. OP you are definitely NBU.