To not want to pay £50 for a load of old tat that's been foisted on me?

[CarrieBradshawsCloset]

We get on well with our next door neighbours. We often get together for wine/a takeaway, and the DCs get on well too. We do them quite a lot of favours, such as looking after their pets when they go on holiday, and DH is an electrician so has done a few electrical jobs for them for free. I am a beauty therapist and sometimes wax the woman's eyebrows or paint her nails if she's having a night out, and I never charge her. It's never occurred to me to charge her in all honesty.

She has a DD who is two years older than my DD, and has been saying for a while that she has a big bag of clothes for my DD. My DD has enough clothes and she doesn't need anymore (not bragging, just giving background info), however I said, out of politeness more than anything "thank you, that would be nice".

So anyway, I got back from town today to find a big bag full of clothes on the doorstep. Nothing special, just Tesco, Primark, Asda stuff, that kind of thing, and not in brilliant condition, but useable as play wear. I sent my neighbour a text to say thank you and she sent me a text back saying "£50 will be fine for them all, there's at least £100 worth of stuff there so it's a bargain. Can I have it ASAP please Hon?"

I am genuinely gobsmacked! Firstly that she expects payment in the first place. Secondly because she's essentially foisted the items on me, I didn't ask for them, and thirdly because it's not like it's in good condition, it's old, faded supermarket clothes that are pretty cheap to buy new anyway.

WIBU to pop them next door in the morning and say that we're a bit skint at the moment and I didn't realise she wanted money for them, so she'd probably be better off selling them at a boot sale?

Exactly Patience, I asked why the child was facing the wall and she did a cat's bum mouth and said the Mum wouldn't pay. It was £1.50. I should have got my purse out in hindsight.

I agree with the above saying don't say you're skint as she will just say to pay her later.
Say that you're sorry but you didn't realise she expected payment for them, that DD has enough clothes/there isn't anything in there that you are interested in. That you have returned them so that she can sell them on.
You probably don't want to fall out with them if you get on and socialise together.

Yes, she does sound like someone who looks around to find ways to use people.
Yes, I was given several bags of clothes like that (although a lot of it not usable) and wasn't charged for it! I passed on several bags to the next person we knew who needed them, without charge.

I wouldn't say you were skint. It's not her business.

She sounds stingy and weird, going on the chips and 5p stories.

Here's your text: 'Dear neighbour. Let's just take the £50 for the clothes off the accumulated costs of the beauty treatments you've received from me to date, eh? So I reckon you now only owe me about £xxx. Can I have it ASAP please beeeyatch Hon?'

Bloody cheek!

Don't say you're skint. Be honest and say you're surprised to have been asked seeing as you and dh have been generous with your time in the past.

The chips episode would have done it for me.

Why would you want to socialise and get on with grasping tight arses?

Bag of clothes on her doorstep, text to say don't need them, would rather use the £50 to buy your dc some new shoes and clothes and don't do any more bloody freebies for them!

This thread illustrates something very wrong with how many women and girls are socialised - to find excuses to allow other people to save face, to apologise for someone else's bad behaviour, to avoid a direct expression of their response to someone else's bad behaviour.

I appreciate the OP may not want a direct confrontation with a neighbour, but pretending to be broke, or to have just been given clothes by someone else, will just perpetuate the neighbour's sponging and meanness.

Some posters have suggested appropriately polite but firm texts saying you hadn't realised she was charging, and are not planning to buy your daughter play clothes at the moment, so are putting them back on her step, thanks. Send one of those.

You're not wrong there, burren.

YY what Burren said

Cheeky woman

Make sure you stick to your vow re. no more beauty treatment or electrical job freebies.

When ds3 was born we received more than 100 gifts from friends and relatives. Most of the gifts were clothes and although I swapped some things for bigger sizes for him to grow into and swapped some for clothes for his older brothers we still had more than he would ever wear. By the time he was 18 months (and he got another pile of clothes for his first birthday) we had 6 black bin bags full of clothes, many of which had not been worn. Dh heard of someone at his work who was unexpectedly expecting twin boys and had very little money and got someone who knew her well to ask if she wanted them, which she did. We would not have expected anything for them and were glad they would be well used.

Where we live (and have done for 15 years) the neighbours give generously of their time, skills and hand me downs. There is a lot of give and take and it makes for a very tranquil life. Your neighbour is taking the piss. The chips incident is terrible. Just hand them back and let her know your dd doesn't need them. Don't do them any more favours. Ever.

YABU to say you are skint. And even more so to keep enabling their pisstaking.

No more excuses!

Ad no need to be rude or impolite as has been pointed out.

The chips thing!
My sister and I used to be picked up from school by neighbours (my mum paid them) who would buy their own kids ice lollies but not us. We are still cross about it 25 years later, the stingy gits.

I'd hand the clothes back with an ebay suggestion, but the chips incident I'd have found unforgiveable.
If you can't afford chips for everyone, you buy a pack and share.

The meanness of some people is astonishing. Why on earth do the rest of us pussyfoot around people like this & not tell them straight to their faces that their behaviour is outrageous? I am as bad as everyone else but I am going to have a rethink when faced with tightfisted arses in future.

DO NOT telll this woman you are skint. If you do, how will she realise she is wrong?

Just tell her you don't want them if you are expected to pay.

I would not have anything to do with these horrible people after the chips.

No wonder they are well off, because they leech off others and don't share.

time to quietly distance yourself OP, not easy when a neighbour tho!!!!

Good reply JRumma. Op don't do her favours, she seems to take advantage, teir a reason why she is well off!

Cheeky mare ....

Tell her your returning them as you don't need to buy dd any more clothes and don't do her anymore favours.

YANBU, cheeky sods! Them not you, obvs.
As someone who was a pushover in real life and continues to struggle with it, please text her back the truth; you didn't realise she wanted money, you don't need any more clothes and that ebay/gumtree/car boot is the way forward if she wants to make some £s. Oh and no more freebies for them either!

I like Bruno's idea. Definitely do that. Makes the point clearly but kindly

YANBU! How rude

Yuck-how rude. Please don't say you're skint, OP. Your neighbour should know how unacceptable this is.