To hate the way DH and his family do presents?

[HugoTheHippo]

Disclaimer: utterly unimportant, first world problem:
In my family presents have always been a treat, designed to be a surprise and make the recipient feel special. We've always been taught never to demand them, jealousy over presents/amount spent was never tolerated, and we never wrote Christmas lists or anything as saying what we wanted to be given always felt horribly grabby and entitled. Presents were always things of excitement and surprise.

DH and his family always tell each other what they want, consult on presents in advance and are very blunt with each other if they don't like something. I've just been informed that BIL is feeling a bit hard up at the mo and would like to know if it's ok if he gets me and DH one Easter Egg to share this year instead of one each.

Well, of COURSE it's ok. But now that he's asked it feels like he's taken any element of surprise or fun out of it and frankly I'd rather he didn't bother! If all I cared about was chocolate I could just go and buy myself a load. For me, what is special about presents is rarely the thing itself, but the effort or thought someone has taken to make me feel special. For me, the way DH and his family do presents just takes all the joy out of it (DH has form for this too). Do I have just hopelessly unrealistic expectations? Or (worse) am I just being grabby and entitled in a different way?

sorry, but if you are the type of person who enjoys giving and receiving lovely little trinkets/baubles/sweeties/ why on earth would you not do an easter egg? I don't need any excuse to buy something lovely for dp, I do it even when there is no special occasion, and the same goes for him... Life is pretty hard most of the time, why can't we? It's good fun, and charming, and well - loving....

heh trashcan I'm getting the fits of giggles at the picture of the familys response to me getting an easter egg in the post

Wtf do you think the egg selection in hotel chocolat is for?

People with more money than sense? I'd have thought that was obvious!

I can understand to a degree buying your other half one if they like them but adult siblings cousins friends etc is just odd in my world

My teenagers only get a quid egg from Asda. Adults get nowt.

I've been robbed by asda? Bloody hell.

I know what you mean, OP.

I remember being when DH (DP back then) suggested I buy him work shirts for a birthday or Christmas, because he needed them.

In my family, presents are luxuries, rather than necessities.

He's much better at it now, though.

But, actually, if your BIL is so hard up at the moment, just tell him there's really no need to get you an Easter egg at all, what with you and DH being grown up, and all.

[whispers] The Easter bunny isn't real.

No one needs an Easter egg. It's a nice treat for chldren, particularly as a reward for abstaining during Lent (kids usually abstain chocolate).

Otherwise unnecessary loosely based on Christian calendar, cycles of the moon, spring tides, lunar eclipse type styled retailing opportunity.

No need to fall out. Just say no.

Well, that's the thing - I wasn't really expecting it - I hadn't really given it any thought so it would have been a sort of surprise. I've told him I'm on a diet (true) so not to get me one.

I imagine quid eggs taste better during the lent thing.

I hate getting surprise gifts. I have very sensitive skin and don't use perfume, makeup, smelliest etc. I cant stand champagne. I find jewelry uncomfortable and don't wear it. I have a drawer full of lovely jewelry that I don't wear but don't feel I can get rid of although my niece has taken a few bits she liked. Smellies are easier as they can be donated and I have people queuing up for my bubbly.

Although it probably sounds greedy and grabby it is really disappointing continually Being given gifts you can't use. If people asked what I would like it would be so much betterment especially as I don't have much spare money for treating myself.

Lol at looking forward to a thoughtful surprise Easter gift from your BIL :)

I remember being when DH (DP back then) suggested I buy him work shirts for a birthday or Christmas, because he needed them.

But what's the point in having "luxuries" when you haven't a shirt on your back,

"Is it not an oeuf "

Fab!

I have genuinely never met a family who does either all surprise or all planned presents. Every one I know does a mix. I'd be more annoyed by your family's present buying ways though, potentially money wasted on stuff I don't want or need.

Oh Fuck. I have just realised that it's Easter weekend THIS WEEKEND. (yes yes yes, I KNOW, we've had a lot going on at the moment.)
Every fucking year on the Saturday before Easter, I swear I won't be the red stressy bear in the chocolate aisle in Sainsburys marching up and down muttering that I've been tripping over them since January 1st.
I have 16 nieces and nephews, god DC, and neighbours DC that I buy eggs for. Shit. I need to get to the supermarket before anyone else tomorrow.

Oh, and er, I don't know if YABU about the different ways people do presents, It's just, well, peoples different ways. YABU and a bit silly as an adult to make a fuss over an easter egg though, It's an easter egg, not a present

Anyway, if you're in a desperate hurry to buy yourself one to make up for BIL cutting you out, then please wait until at least 9am tomorrow before you go!

I've not had an Easter egg since I was 15. I'm going to buy myself on Tuesday!

When I became acquainted with DH's family, I was shocked by the Hints for presents. Sometimes they were over the top, like Chanel perfume or contributions towards a dishwasher, but we still complied! In the beginning I would pay attention to try and get something as a surprise based on a wish expressed in passing rather than a hint in the run-up to Christmas. Now that I don't get on with them, frankly I can't be bothered + I don't spend time with them so can't build up the knowledge. I also submit hints because I'd rather get something I like and because they don't know me any more.

OP, leaving the Easter Egg business aside - I know what you mean. My DH and his family do it all differently...no presents to each other at Christmas except for DH to his kids (everyone in my huge family gives to everyone else which admittedly is expensive and OTT but I love choosing their presents), and the DSC and him would just open them with no fanfare or ceremony (we take turns and everyone sees what everyone else gets with oohing and aahhing), the kids tell us exactly what they want and usually it is cash (no cash or gift vouchers on my side, the point is to choose something based on knowing and surprising the other party)...and birthdays are in the morning (ridiculous, we do presents at dinner with cake when everyone can relax and not rush off to work or school)...I have put my foot down about the parts that are within our shared family (I mean the kids at home) and he's let me :) but we will never see eye to eye on other bits of it! I just carry on in my way with my own family and let him decide about the in-laws, so at Christmas for instance DD gets gifts for her aunties on my side but not on his. I don't like it, but that's how it is.

We do lifts and I'm far happier when someone buys me a five pound present that I will use and enjoy than a fifty quid present that I just won't want.

DH's family who barely seem to know each other buy surprise presents and tbh they might as well set fire to the money!

Gah. Lists not lifts.

Tell him they have them on BOGOF in the Coop