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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu in thinking if this was a female no one would bat an eye lid !

37 replies

mummywithsmiles25 · 15/04/2014 16:53

Sorry my last am i being unreasonable i promise.

from my previous threads, i have stated my dd is really unwell 14 weeks old just been let home the last week ..dad left when she was 2 weeks old and been well an ass since.

so its really intense for dd and one of my close friends who is male and known since i was 6 has been helping me this week
.staying a couple of nights too.

he has been my rock since me returning to London at 20 weeks preg and finding dd was unwell.

anyway the amount of people commenting on the fact i have introduced a new man in to my daughters life too soon even after i state were not a couple ...but even if we were am i being unreasonable in thinking its no ones business and if he was female no one would have an issue with him helping.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 15/04/2014 17:08

Well, it's no-one's business and they ought to believe you.

But.... assuming you are straight, then him being male is (potentially) different from him being a female friend.

Tell them to shove their opinions though, unless they are offering to help and support you anything like the amount he is doing, which I doubt is the case. It's not as if your dd would know he was a 'new man' even if he was Hmm

QuacksForDoughnuts · 15/04/2014 17:11

YANBU, assuming you aren't taking him away from his own kids long term or anything. Even if he was your boyfriend, 14 weeks is too young to notice anything, and it wouldn't be anyone else's business.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles25 · 15/04/2014 17:15

No he has no children , his still going to work and comes over after, its nice to have the company and his soooo good with daughter. Our other friend thinks in being unreasonable as daughter will attach and bond with him instead of her dad who visits about 1 day a month.

OP posts:
Latara · 15/04/2014 17:16

YANBU, I agree that your DD is far too young to notice what relationship you have with this male friend, and it's nobody else's business.

AMumInScotland · 15/04/2014 17:19

Babies can bond with lots of people. So, she'll bond with people she sees often, better than with someone she rarely sees? Well, yes. And hopefully he'll be part of her life and a good male role-model for many years to come!

Children need to bond. If they have a range of nice people to bond with, that's a good thing.

Custardo · 15/04/2014 17:21

tell them to fuck off

14 weeks old ffs, can they smile, shit and piss at other people too?

Original poster
mummywithsmiles25 · 15/04/2014 17:21

Thank you i was getting paranoid that i was somehow going to ruin daughter by the way she was talking .

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 15/04/2014 17:21

Well if these people are so worried maybe they should be coming over and helping.Thought not,smile and nod and let it roll off your back.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles25 · 15/04/2014 17:22

And i will admit there is a spark lol but nothing has or will happen as much as i would like it to.

OP posts:
DoJo · 15/04/2014 18:12

Has anyone been in touch with your arse of an ex to tell him how unreasonable his behaviour has been? Because unless they are prepared to help you out themselves, or they're an equal opportunities judging idiot, then I would tell them to fuck right off.

WestieMamma · 15/04/2014 18:30

You've known this guy how long? 20 ish years? People think this is too soon? Shock

MexicanSpringtime · 15/04/2014 18:41

Madness! My daughter and grandchild live with me and we have bonded as is normal. Of course at some point we will not be living together, I really don't understand the point of view of the people who are criticising you

GiveTwoSheets · 15/04/2014 18:44

I'd also tell them to fuck off and mind own business and your right they wouldn't bat a eyelid if it was female.

How lovely that you have a friend being so caring x

Amytheflag · 15/04/2014 18:48

Maybe they are being concerned in a ham fisted way? What better time for a man to get his foot under the door than when a woman is vulnerable and has no support?

Amytheflag · 15/04/2014 18:49

Or foot under the table? Who knows what I mean but you get the jist Wink

Cupid5tunt · 15/04/2014 18:50

Agree, tell them to do one its none of their business, he sounds lovely though Wink

Hissy · 15/04/2014 18:56

Where are the judgemental useless comments for Dad of the Year? Why is he not getting shit for naffing off when his dd is 2wks and only popping by a handful of times, despite the fact she's been seriously ill?

I agree, had you fucked off OP, you'd have been bitched about from here to kingdom come, and he's have had all the 'aw, isn't he great' and he needs a woman to help him out shit.

Tell your 'friends' that if they have something constructive to say, go ahead, otherwise go and take their shite to this baby's dad and tell HIM to man the fuck up.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles25 · 15/04/2014 19:09

Thank you i think the dad situation is one that's not going away !!..he comes down in three days and i have to inform him he isn't actually allowed unsupervised visits ( just had a phone call from my family localities officer ). There is concerns over him which has shocked me to be honest ..

someone please tell me it gets easier !

OP posts:
thebodydoestricks · 15/04/2014 19:17

Babe to have a 14 week old baby and to actually care a crap about anything but sleep is awesome.

thebodydoestricks · 15/04/2014 19:18

Oh yes and tell them to all fuck off!

zeezeek · 15/04/2014 19:33

How ridiculous of them. I've read your other threads and can't your friends see you need all the love and support you need right now? As other people have said, tell them to fuck off and you carry on as you are. x

Nohootingchickenssleeping · 15/04/2014 19:36

It sounds like you need all the help you can get. Good for him. Tell us about your LO?

Original poster
mummywithsmiles25 · 15/04/2014 20:55

Shes just amazing but deserves just so much more , i feel helpless and guilty.

she is doing super after they gave her eventually like a five per cent of surviving.

she may only live a few years but she deserves a happy life for that time unfortuntly i have already failed that.

OP posts:
zeezeek · 15/04/2014 21:02

How have you failed? You are already doing brilliantly and giving her an amazing chance at life, surrounded by family and friends who can love and enrich her life. All you have to do is what you are doing.

I think that you are amazing. You have not failed at anything - that knob of a father of hers is the only failure in her life and that is not your fault.

Keep going, my lovely xxxxxx

zeezeek · 15/04/2014 21:03

Oh and don't apologise for venting on here!!!