aibu in thinking if this was a female no one would bat an eye lid !

[mummywithsmiles25]

Sorry my last am i being unreasonable i promise.

from my previous threads, i have stated my dd is really unwell 14 weeks old just been let home the last week ..dad left when she was 2 weeks old and been well an ass since.

so its really intense for dd and one of my close friends who is male and known since i was 6 has been helping me this week
.staying a couple of nights too.

he has been my rock since me returning to London at 20 weeks preg and finding dd was unwell.

anyway the amount of people commenting on the fact i have introduced a new man in to my daughters life too soon even after i state were not a couple ...but even if we were am i being unreasonable in thinking its no ones business and if he was female no one would have an issue with him helping.

Mummy I think you're underestimating how valuable your own time with her is, whether or not her dad is around to share the joy. You haven't failed her at all, she's a very lucky little girl to have you and the two of you are heading for a very precious and close relationship. She sounds like a fighter to me, so who knows how many happy years she may have?

You're doing a great job, stay strong

I know ... Its just its all happened so fast i haven't even had time for any of it to sink in.

im staying at my mums although she works v long hours so mainly just me and daughter here who is feeding every hr the help from my friend is amazing.

her dad is coming down in 3 days and already causing issues as he doesn't think 4 hrs is enough but i am trying to accomadate, its not my fault he only comes down once a month but he expects it to be like it is when she was inhospital when he could stay as long as he wanted for the day, but my mum wont even let him in the front door so he can only have 4 hrs.

i just feel like daughter and I deserve some happy and peaceful time i love her sooo much and greatful she proved the Drs wrong and that o got to take home ..it was the greatest gift of all.

I think your friends are being unreasonable. They want you solider on alone with no support! What kind if friends are they? Lots of new mums get huge amounts of support from people other then their husbands. Grannies, friends, sisters all help quite often. The most important thing is that the child bonds with you and has lots of interaction with people in your life. The other important thing is that you are supported fully

You have been through a very traumatic time and, as a result, the life that you thought you were going to have is now not going to happen and you have been thrown into something that is terrifying. It is only natural that you have these feelings. I have never been in your exact situation, but have been in a situation where everything suddenly went wrong (my then fiancé killed himself) - it takes some time to regain some balance in your life and accept what has happened and adjust to the new life that you have.

You are, quite rightly, focussed on your DD and you are an amazing mum, but you need looking after too - do remember that and don't allow your ex-partner or silly ignorant friends to make you doubt yourself.

Have you got some kind of formal arrangement in place? It might help you feel more secure about dealing with him if you have.

No not yet that's what we need to discuss when his down ..thank you for your kind words xxx

Good luck xx

I think you need new friends. At this moment in time (well anytime really but especially now) you only need people around you that will support you, so your friends need to STFU and actually support you

I have a male carer (who is also a good friend) - people make assumptions too.

Ignore them

Mummy, I understand your ex is not allowed to be left alone with the baby is that right? Maybe it would be best if he just fucked off altogether then if he's a risk to your child. Maybe he will when he finds that out.
Not sure if I remember correctly but he doesn't pay child support does he? So basically he's pointless. Really crappy situation you are in with regards to your child's ill health and your useless ex but from what I gather you are doing brilliantly and coping fantastically. With regards to your friend, well done that chap! Good luck to all 3 of you

A lovely friend who dotes on your baby, makes you happy and pitches in when you need help when your non-friends are nowhere to be seen ?

Pitchforks and fire for you!

I know i decided to carry on as before ( his bringing Chinese tonight and watching dd for 4 hrs so i can have a wee nap )

Good for you.

Enjoy the rest and the lovely glow-y feeling of having a crush on someone worth your attention!