to not want to entertain dd all week?

[Fuckeroo]

I work ft and have three children. I love them dearly and want them to be happy. But equally I do not want to spend every minute of my previous week of work entertaining them.

My 11yo and 2yo are happy pottering today. 10yo DD has not stopped mithering to 'do stuff' all day. I am exhausted. I am now on the sofa (on hold to the bank so still doing stuff) and she is having a strop because I said I don't have anything planned for her.

Help me.

Being at work is so much easier than this...

Never entertained them? Like, what, ever? I'd not rate myself as a particularly hands on mum, but even I do stuff to entertain the children.

You say happy, I dunno, your description sounds kind of lonely to me.

How can you not entertain them?

Ie my 2 are pre school age. Sure they can look at a book, but can't read it unless I do. That's entertaining. They can't bake unless I help. They could build/ draw etc but without us helping/ giving examples sometimes how will they learn? They can climb trees alone, but can't get to park alone without adult.

None of that means they can't entertain selves, but does mean they need our input at various points of the day

Um. It depends I guess. I work full time so when we take holiday as a family it IS to do family things. It is pretty much the only time we have where we are not knackered and have homework/pack lunches to make/dinner to cook/shopping to do/shit to sort. So pretty sancrosact to be fair. I do think that children should be encouraged to make their own entertainment, but not to the degree that their parents ignore them. They should be included in family life. I had much of this as a child. Out of the way, cleaning things, no one wanted to play. I saw it as normal, but it was pretty miserable really and made me feel that I was just in the way, that I was a nuisance, everyone was too busy. There is a line to be drawn here.

fuckeroo can I thank you for this thread?

When you posted yesterday I wanted to respond with empathy, but couldn't, because dd2 was being a pita.

Today I tried out 2 ideas from this thread, I think, with enormous success.

This morning, I set the girls an alarm clock for 30mins (they can't tell time) and told them not to bother me till it rang so I could clean and pack our picnic (and have a cuppa). WOrked like a bomb.

And then did the Cinderella idea to tidy up tonight. Genius idea.

Thanks mumsbetters!!

Netters.

You could try playing with them all day, everyday, and treating it like your job. Sod everything else, just chill with the kids.

Country walks, park, libraries, museums, zoo, aquarium, theme park, stately home, tent in the garden, hose pipe, shopping centre, ice skating, roller skating, swimming, cinema, theatre.
Crafts, board games, projects, reading.
Just a few ideas.

sad it just comes across that you want to have a go at the OP no matter what.
If you work full time or fulltime plus hours, then all leave is used up for the holidays and inevitably chores such as cleaning admin boiler repairs house refurbishments have to be fitted in somehow in those weeks when home with the kids there.

I sort of agree with ssd though. Mum sees it as her week off, the dd sees it as a week with mum. Poor mite. And to complain when your sister has them for a whole week that she planned too much to do with them and now they have come to expect it? Just sounds so ungrateful. What did you expect DSis to do? Sit at home wth hers and twiddle her thumbs in admiration of your three? Good on her for taking it on - she probably saved you at least £600 in holiday childcare fees.

Um, no, I paid her as she is my Childminder. Where did I complain about it?

Some of you are reading things into this that I never said.

I have done absolutely loads with my children this week. I spend every weekend and evening doing loads with them. Fyi they have a parent around before and after school so are no worse off for parental attention than the children of a SAHP.

I was just having a moan about dd wanting me to be all singing, all dancing, all the time.

This is actually my first real experience of being slated for being a WOHM.

I've been out at work for a little over eight months now. Prior to this I was a childminder for a long time. I earn ok money and our childcare costs are fairly low as I drop off at school and DH picks up from school, so we only have to pay 8-4 for DS2 (2) and holiday care. DH earns twice my wage. We are moderately well off, no debt, pot of savings. I actually was starting to thing we had achieved a really good balance.

The DC do activities several times a week including riding, Cubs/Scouts, gymnastics, all of which cost money. We are about to move into a 4 bed detached house to give the DC the space neither of us had growing up. Neither of us work silly hours so we have plenty of quality family time all together. We

However, posting this thread has opened my eyes to the fact that clearly people do judge working parents. And that as a WOHM I am expected by some quarters to devote my every non-work minute to my children. It's a really bizarre thing.

We could probably afford for me to be a SAHM but it would mean no treats, no activities and eating pasta a lot. When I was childminding I was at home but my own DC felt pushed out of their own space, they actually hated it. So we decided as a family that I would pursue a career outside the house. I've done well and been promoted and feel much happier within myself which translates into everyone at home being happier.

But it appears that working out of the house means I have to be Supermum when I'm at home, to compensate, otherwise I am going to be judged for neglected my children.

I am honestly starting to think that women just can't win.

Fuck it all to hell.

I don't think you should feel you should have to justify yourself OP, I'm sure a lot of us understand just where you're coming from! I certainly do. Sometimes I could just do with a bit of me time. Hackneyed phrase maybe but there you are.

Actually I don't think anyone's slated you apart from one rather oddbod! And people don't get it if they have easy going children . My brother has 2 easygoing daughters, he just doesn't get it when I need to be left alone. He thinks I am just not firm enough with my son. But the truth is I'm just the same with my daughter and she too is easy going. But my son is not- he is highly demanding and needs constant entertaining. It's just in the genes!

I wouldn't worry about it Fuckeroo.

If you were a SAHM saying you didn't want to entertain your child you would have been slated too. Because apparently SAHM's have chosen to spend 24/7 with their children and should be eternally grateful for the opportunity, while simultaneously being ashamed for their failure as role models for the modern woman and their dependence on a man

And as far as I'm concerned LaQueen is right - we aren't professional children's entertainers. We can do things with our children (some based on children's activities such as playgrounds, others based on what we have to do such as cook dinner), but we shouldn't be the source of entertainment.

By ten they should be able to decide themselves what to do in their spare time, and be happy doing it. And I know some kids find it more difficult than others, but that just means they will take longer to learn, not that we should step in so they don't have to.

I know it was only a few people having a pop but I'm upset at how upset I am by it, if I'm honest.

And a bit cross.

You are a mum - your place is always in the wrong.

And this is aibu, where the op is always bu.

If your ten year old had started an "aibu to be upset that my mum won't entertain me all day, after all I am on holidays and she is usually at work" she would have been told to grow up, that adults have more important things to do than to entertain children, and that she should see that you were busy mumsnetting telephoning the bank/cleaning the kitchen/catching up on paperwork/whatever.

She would have been flamed

My nephew's are kids who need to be entertained all the time. They are now 13 & 10 and other than electronic stuff still are bored regularly. When ds was born I was determined he would learn to play without doing something planned and thank goodness he does. Garden park bit of telly story games just playing in the floor with his pirates etc. He's an only too so is great at playing alone or with a friend or two

Op don't feel bad. You shouldn't take it to heart. This entertaining of children is something new. I never grew up with that and my children won't either.
I've seen children who were entertained every minute, the parents thought they were superior by being so involved, and these kids now as teenagers are not very independent, imaginative and lack confidence to do anything. Quite a few examples actually, now those parents are sitting with issues wondering where did it go wrong.

Op don't feel bad. You shouldn't take it to heart. This entertaining of children is something new. I never grew up with that and my children won't either.
I've seen children who were entertained every minute, the parents thought they were superior by being so involved, and these kids now as teenagers are not very independent, imaginative and lack confidence to do anything. Quite a few examples actually, now those parents are sitting with issues wondering where did it go wrong.

The upset is likely to be you feeling you need to question yourself and whether you should put your feelings and everything else aside to keep your daughter stimulated every waking moment to be a 'good' mum. (And hey what's 2am for if not for ironing, hoovering and so on? Who needs sleep? )

Your OP is absolutely reasonable, you have two children who can cope with Mum not being an entertainment centre every waking moment and can structure their own time and entertain themselves happily so you clearly are great at teaching these skills, and one child who can't and needs more help to learn. Some children do. It's absolutely reasonable to expect and teach that one child to develop that skill. It is a life skill, it isn't good to reinforce a child's expectation for non stop external attention, stimulation and structure, and your instincts are telling you that clearly which is why you posted in the first place. I hope it's something you have success in teaching your dd to do for herself for the periods between the (many) structured activities and playing with her that you clearly do a lot of.

Put 'Frozen' on and sing a few rounds of Let It Go, YADNBU.

My DD is an only so I always made sure she was able to entertain herself. It sounds a bit harsh but I knew if she couldn't do it she would be perpetually bored.

Op don't take some of these comments to heart.. It really isn't a good thing to do none stop entertaining and none stop activities give me the horrors.. let kids have some down time to develop imaginations and the self sufficient. No wonder we're churning out these entitled teenagers if this is the done thing now.

Ignore the twatty comments FuckerRoo

Your girl is 10, old enough to entertain herself and not whinge about being bored.

SAHM OR WOHM, can't win either way and I've been both too.

Fuckerroo - please don't let the haters get you down. You are a good role model for your children by working - equally as good as a SAHM.

As I said earlier, anyone who says they are bored is directed to a list of chores to work through. It really really works. I use it with my students to great effect as well.

You really don't need to justify yourself OP. Of course a 10 year old should be able to entertain themselves, she is not a 'poor little mite', what nonsense. It's okay for kids to be bored from time to time, how will she develop her imagination if she has someone occupying all the hours of all the days for her.