to not want to entertain dd all week?

[Fuckeroo]

I work ft and have three children. I love them dearly and want them to be happy. But equally I do not want to spend every minute of my previous week of work entertaining them.

My 11yo and 2yo are happy pottering today. 10yo DD has not stopped mithering to 'do stuff' all day. I am exhausted. I am now on the sofa (on hold to the bank so still doing stuff) and she is having a strop because I said I don't have anything planned for her.

Help me.

Being at work is so much easier than this...

It's true that going out is a break, swimming was an hour of peace for me a lovely break from the fighting.

Or the middle of a city Invisible where a bike ride is dangerous.
Although tesco croissants are lovely.

What odd posts attacking the OP for daring the say she's struggling to entertain one of her children? These are the kinds of mad comments you get from people when you have a newborn and dare to mention you're tired.

"What did you expect? How DARE you suggest you're bloody tired? What did you THINK babies do?"

At 10 I'd expect a child to be able to entertain herself a bit, and as the OP said - she clearly has done lots with her already.

Surely they are used to amusing themselves after school.It's just an extension of that.

I think some of the responses you are getting here are ridiculously harsh, rude, and just a bit silly.

I think that it is a very useful skill and valuable tool for happiness to be able to entertain yourself, and at 10/11 it should be possible - though some children are certainly much better at it than others! I don't think you should have to take children out every day, provided you've got a decent amount of space at home and in your garden.

We've recently cut back a lot on formal childcare and take turns to work at home while our children 'potter'. We're around, and spend some time with them, but we expect them to largely entertain themselves.

I STRONGLY recommend arranging as many meet-ups with friends as possible. Obviously if they can go to another friend's house that's easiest, but I actually find my children are rarely any bother at all if they have a friend over here - that certainly isn't always true if they are on their own! I have a 10 yr old boy and an 11 yr old girl and find it works best if one goes to a friend's house while the other has a friend over, as any problems come from clashes between the two!

They are also now old enough to walk to the local shops, park, library etc by themselves - with clear deadlines and a phone. I've just sent my 11 yr old DD to the shops to buy some biscuits as we have friends coming round for a cup of tea later.

You've got a 2 yr old so you've got it much harder, but you can totally ignore those voices giving you are hard time for not wanting to entertain a mithering 10 yr old the whole time!

How did the neglectful parenting of the 70's and 80's produce so many brilliant middle-aged people (such as me) if entertaining your children is so important?

'This weekend we have done riding, baking, Easter egg hunt, shopping (for her), games, puzzles and crafts.'

That tons! A 10 year old should definitely be able to entertain themselves.

Give her some chores for a bit of pocket money?
Or just give up and take her out, I'm afraid with 3 kids rest time is when they are in bed.

DD gets pointed in the direction of her playroom and her toyboxes and told to find herself something to do - and if she can't find something to do with it all, then I will happily spend the next half an hour with her cleaning it and bagging it all up to be taken to the charity shop/childrens centre...

(We got rid of her trampoline after a week of moaning and her jumping on beds. She knows we mean it!)

Funnily enough she soon finds something to do.

Iam- we live in zone 1 central London. We can still cycle safely through parks, climb trees, and visit local bakery. Hardly an Enid blyton novel...

Art, no, truly, there really is nowhere like that in my village, no green or anything. There are farms surrounding the village, but farmers wouldn't take kindly to trespassers and in any case it would be dangerous as the fields have animals in them.

Anyhow, I'm not trying to pick a fight. I can take them to the nearest town by car if we're planning on doing something. I just thought that it was worth mentioning that what many people assume to be fairly universal facilities don't actually exist in a lot of places.

Mostly my kids amuse themselves, but it's fairly easy for them because they have plenty of friends nearby and we all have gardens they can play in.

At ten I would expect her to arrange having a friend over herself.
Ignore her whinging. Stick some headphones on.

Yanbu!

I have a six year old who I find a bit high maintenance in this way too. And I find the notion of entertaining one's own children quite odd.

I know the ages are different but I have printed out some Easter activities from the internet that my daughter is enjoying, particularly the simple Easter basket templates.

Being able to entertain yourself is an invaluable life skill, I ensure DD is able to entertain herself, it helps develop problem solving skills and feeds imagination. Constant stimulation or parent led play/entertainment isn't great IMO.

We were never entertained by my parents and all 4 of us siblings are alright

I think some children are just naturally good at entertaining themselves, DD (11) has been able to do this since she was little and continues to do so. DS (4) is unable to play alone and needs constant attention and is only happy if he has your full attention.

I currently have a house full of kids, older ones are on the trampoline and youngers ones are playing cars. All is well, but I question why is it always my house that becomes a kids play centre ?.

she is 10 she will get over it i have a 13 year old who is with her friend a 5 year old who is in his room and a 1 year old who is removing my washing from the basket everyone is happy (although i am suspicious of the five year old he is quiet!)

Well, since I posted I got through to the bank (I was on hold for twenty minutes) and got a refund of our mortgage arrangement fees from a mortgage we didn't go through with (£500!) which put me in a better mood.

DD came with me (her choice, mad thing) to my smear test and enjoyed chatting to the nurse about why we have them. Came home and played in the garden. We've cooked a curry together and it's now bubbling away and now she's gone to Homebase with Grandma.

I make that wine o clock.

so you've got a sister and a mum that helps you out and you're moaning?

I dont get you op, you work full time so presumably dont see loads of your kids during the working week, you have a sister to entertain them for the week of the school hols and a mum who drops by and takes dd out for you, to give you a rest?

yes kids can be draining in the holidays, we've all been there, but you sound spoiled to me, try doing it all day and with no family nearby to save you from the hard bits.

What on earth is wrong with staying at home?

We have a house full of toys, a garden with slide/climbing frame and other toys. They have imaginations and it does them good to put them to use.

I cannot abide children that need to be amused constantly. They are generally brattish and demanding, and lacking in imagination.

Folk are allowed to moan SSD. But to throw it back atcha, of course you should be doing it all day with no one to save you from the hard bits. In mean, what did you expect when you had children. Pfffft.

I also have a DH who gets in at 3.30 and who does the bulk of the childcare duties, fab ILs who enjoy having them and friends who invite them round often.

I was a CM for a long time and a single parent before I met DH seven years ago.

Basically I'm just a cunt. Ce la vie.

I think kids should be taken out everyday because I feel like crap if I stay in all day so I assume kids would feel tge same. It seems some people like having day's where they don't leave the house which I assume means there are kids that like staying in. Unfortunately I imagine some of the parents who like staying in get kids who want to go out and some parents who like going out get home loving kids

I wasn't aware that there were areas where there was nowhere to go, that sounds really hard.

I think the difference between kids of tge 70s and 80s istthe freedom the kids had. My mum would hardly see me in the holidays, I'd be packing picnics and going swimming in the river with friends, we would spend days rollerblading around town, we'd wash cars for pocket money and hire a film and buy a bar of chocolate to share, we'd camp in the garden, we'd get the bus to the next town and go swimming. I imagine most British 10 year olds don't have this sort of freedom these days, all these things were organised by ourselves, we'd just tell our mum's a rough idea of the plan and off we'd go.

I've had the same issue a bit today. I have a 10 year old and a 6 year old with autism. The younger one has been quite content all day to just get on with it :-) but the older one has been bored. We have visitors tomorrow, so I wanted a quiet day pottering about and cleaning the house. He has shadowed me pretty much all day. I did take them up the park for an hour though and that seems to have helped! The hols have been a bit quiet for him this time, but I am planning to make the weekend a bit more action packed to make up for it (when their Dad is off to take some of the flack with me!)

Some kids just need more help than others to learn to entertain themselves - I was the older sibling of one that couldn't at all and who drove me mad until she learned to drive! It's an important skill for her sake and yours, and important you don't end up giving up out of tiredness and frustration and do the entertaining for her.

How about choice cards in a jar of things she can do? Sometimes limited or structured choices help, or insisting that she picks one at random and does it. A housework jobs jar? (friend of mine swears by this and grabs the jar as soon as one of her children say they have nothing to do) I love the Cinderella idea too! May also help giving her set times - "It's now two pm. You need to find things to do yourself until 3pm, and then we will be going shopping." And stick to the deadlines and gradually increase the time expectation.

Good luck, hopefully a little investment will save on this stress long term.

I firmly believe that kids need free time, that's not structured or organised by adults, in order to explore, experiment, find their interests and learn. I think the problem is that too much of childrens' time is structured these days.

People giving the op a hard time - come on, I do think it's sad when parents dread spending time with their children in the school holidays but OP is just saying she'd like to sit down with a cup of tea and for a ten year old to amuse herself for half an hour. Doesn't sound unreasonable to me. It doesn't sound like the child is lacking in attention either.

I see no problem with staying in all day. I think it's better for them than rushing about here there and everywhere, to have down time days. And again, unstructured time.