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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to be the minority where I live?

734 replies

Charlottehines · 12/04/2014 09:18

It really saddens me that in parks and soft plays with my children, that I am in the minority and my children can't play with other children there as they all play together and obviously can't speak English.
I'm in no way racist, my husband is of mixed origin but I do find it incredibly sad that my children are growing up the minority especially when these other groups make no effort to integrate with other mums or the children.
Am I completely unreasonable to feel sad about this?

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 12/04/2014 13:00

language is never an issue to play with children.

Superworm · 12/04/2014 13:03

it's my surrey backgroundGrin

One final point before I hide this thread.

Lots of Eastern European mothers I work with have husbands working six days a week. They do all the child care, cooking, cleaning before heading off to do night shifts cleaning buses somewhere. Many have done so since their babies were weeks old.

Not sure how friendly and on
top of things I would be in the playground if that was me.

Charlottehines · 12/04/2014 13:16

Yes you are all 0right, I shouldn't generalise
Has just seemed constant recently

OP posts:
OhMerGerd · 12/04/2014 13:47

dancingnancy
This is a rascist post. "Don't know how I'd feel being the minority in the UK though, say if my kids went to a school which was 90% plus non white or immigrants, or if we were the only white family in our street etc. I can understand why some folk might feel strange or uncertain about this..."

The Polish stuff is xenophobic and irrational and plain stupid. The above and all the others talking about 'non white' - is just so incredibly offensive and rascist.

What on earth does someone's skin colour have to do with it. There are many black British born and / or first generation migrant people of Caribbean and African and South Asian origin who suffer daily abuse and limited life opportunity because of this rascism. They share a culture, language, history and in many cases religion with the white majority sharing this patch of earth called the UK. Watch the same TV go the same schools and places of work, drink in the same pubs, holiday at the same resorts read the same papers so why should they not live in the same streets? And so what if the people living next door and the door up and all the doors along the road have different skin tones. They just want a roof over their heads, do their jobs and raise their families like the white majority.

Even those people and I include the Poles, Lithuanians, Hungarians etc who don't share our history or language and are much more 'foreign' than many of the 'non-white' people just want those things.

What the hell. I'm surprised that someone who claims to have lived abroad (we can only hope that this has been to work in some way that does not exploit poor people in the country they were born in) has the brass neck to come out with something like that.

Do as I say but not as I do springs to mind! That was the mindset of the old empire days. Long gone. Thank God. I just wish the current generations of backward thinkers would get over it and shut up and give all of our children a chance to carve out a decent future together!

dancingnancy · 12/04/2014 14:05

Ohmergerd - disagree. I can't see what I have said that's racist. You OTOH sound quite frothy for some reason.

Rissolesfortea · 12/04/2014 14:19

We are all expected to be tolerant and accepting of other cultures but this should be a two way thing. I recently went back to my home town which has a massive immigrant influx of many different cultures, the main one being pakistani. I was stood outside a shopping centre waiting for my dh when I was surrounded by a group of these pakistani youths. I was spit at and called a slag by several of them which was very intimidating and scary, ffs I am 64 yrs old and a grandmother.

Most of these boys would have been born here and they all spoke perfect english. I hope you all would be as quick to brand them as racists.

Racism works both ways.

YouTheCat · 12/04/2014 14:22

Rissoles, they were thugs. Thugs come in all colours.

Nancy, how can you not see that what you have said is racist? Hmm

And we get 'frothy' because many of us are sick of petty bigotry.

MrsDeVere · 12/04/2014 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dancingnancy · 12/04/2014 14:34

No I can't see that what I said was racist.

antimatter · 12/04/2014 14:34

MrsDeVere - I live in Sutton borough and asked OP which park she says is the one where those horrible kids are hanging out.
I will out myself now - I am Polish. Grin
I can go there and have chat with them and their mums and see how they behave.

Happy to assist - just PM me where I need to go and I will report back.
As I stated my kids are mixed and I've lived here for many years.

I bet she won't come back with more details because as you said - this thread has an agenda.

YouTheCat · 12/04/2014 14:35

Well said, MrsDeVere.

YouTheCat · 12/04/2014 14:37

Dancingnancy, what you have basically said is immigrants are fine so long as I don't have to live near them/have them in my kids' schools. That is bigoted. Very bigoted.

Nancy66 · 12/04/2014 14:37

very eloquent post Mrs D

Dawndonnaagain · 12/04/2014 14:39

Ohmergerd - disagree. I can't see what I have said that's racist. You OTOH sound quite frothy for some reason.
No I can't see that what I said was racist.

I can't see the USA, but I know it's there.
What you wrote was racist, whether or not you see it, whether or not you disagree. It is a racist post.

Nennypops · 12/04/2014 14:41

OP: Of course there will be cross words, I'm out every day in places surrounding by other kids!

Again, I'm fascinated by the fact that OP regards having rows with other parents as an absolutely inevitable part of being out and about with children. I suspect most of us manage to go through our children's early childhoods without this happening at all, let alone regularly. If you are regularly getting into arguments with parents, regardless of their nationality, I think you need to look closer to home for the source of the problem.

ouryve · 12/04/2014 14:41

Nasty thread.

People, adults and children, are going to talk to each other in their first language. A group of Polish children, even if they speak perfectly good English, are more likely to talk to each other and their parents in Polish, when they're together.

Or do you want to outlaw, that, OP? Hmm

IHaveAFifthSense · 12/04/2014 14:42

Nancy, OhMerGerd has already explained to yo up, very clearly, why it was racist. Can you not understand what they are saying?

ouryve · 12/04/2014 14:43

And I know plenty of white English parents who would tell you to fuck off if you confronted them about their DC's behaviour.

Dwerf · 12/04/2014 14:47

sillylass I lived in manningham in my early twenties, in fact, at the same time as the riots. I didn't get any attitude from the vast majority of Asian people.

I've lived in neighbourhoods where I was one of the few whites, I've lived in predominantly white areas. To be honest I've had more bother from neighbours in the latter.

In my experience, the most intimidating of groups are teenage males, of any race. Mothers (of any race) have the community of motherhood, and that helps a lot. I've struck up many a conversation with another mother, or failing that, just a smile can be enough.

I also grew up on streets where me and my sister were the only white kids, or one of only a couple of white families. I always had kids to play with on the street.

dancingnancy · 12/04/2014 14:54

If I have a choice of schools in my area, yes I would prefer to send my children to one that didn't have 90% plus kids from an Asian background, many recent immigrants. I would prefer the school to be more diverse. I would worry that the parents might prefer to mix with other parents from a similar background. I don't want my kids to go to an all white school either. The parents who send their kids to the mostly Asian background school seem to have picked that school for a reason rather than one of the more diverse schools. They are actively choosing to send their kids to a school that has mostly Asian pupils, if they feel more comfortable with that choice then fair play.

LongTimeLurking · 12/04/2014 14:56

OK so who is going to be the first person to call dancingnancy racist?

caruthers · 12/04/2014 15:03

Whoever commented about Rochdale doesn't know a lot about Rochdale if they think that the segregation is all to do with the catchment area.

And I wouldn't say that dancingnancy was a racist by her post.

dancingnancy · 12/04/2014 15:03

And I didn't say I wanted to live in a white street or town or whatever. I would prefer to live in an area that had a mix of races, cultures, religions etc. In the UK I have never been the only white person on my street or my kids among the few white kids in school so I can't say if it would feel different to be the visible minority for a change in the UK. Have been the visible minority in other countries I've lived in, just not the UK.

Trojanhouse · 12/04/2014 15:09

Agree that this thread has an agenda.
Seriously scary

mrsbucketxx · 12/04/2014 15:12

As being half eastern European i find your attitude quite alarming op. my parent that's Lithuanian was if anything more strict than most when i was growing up.

the polish mothers i come across are fine if anything i make a point of trying to chat and make them feel included. one at my toddler group has very rowdy twins and lots of mothers just turn their heads and not engage it shocking to see.

maybe if you weren't so confrontational. they would be less likely to tell you too fuck off.