To not want to be the minority where I live?

[Charlottehines]

It really saddens me that in parks and soft plays with my children, that I am in the minority and my children can't play with other children there as they all play together and obviously can't speak English.
I'm in no way racist, my husband is of mixed origin but I do find it incredibly sad that my children are growing up the minority especially when these other groups make no effort to integrate with other mums or the children.
Am I completely unreasonable to feel sad about this?

I haven't quite figured out whether the OPs kids are the English kids or not or what language everybody is speaking but it's probably irrelevant. Sorry for skimming.

When the kids go to school, they will mix fine. My ds in particular at reception age was not bothered about having a proper conversation, the kids just play anyway. I think girls who don't share a language try with the communication a bit more by pointing etc but in either case both my dc play happily with children who speak different languages. There are a lot of children at their school who speak other languages and when my dc were young enough to still be learning English, they acquired foreign words from their friends and stuck them "correctly" into English sentences .

Other than that, I don't think the park is the place to make friends. My dc make friends easily when they are at school or a swimming lesson or something, rather than randomly in park/soft play.

Of course there will be cross words, I'm out every day in places surrounding by other kids

The fact that you think this, OP, tells me a lot about your outlook on the world. I don't think this is a "normal" perspective. It's perhaps not surprising that your experiences are so negative.

longtime, why do you assume that people who disagree with the OP have never experienced being in a minority. Where I live now is genuinely multicultural, and there is no obvious "majority" but I have lived in places where I was certainly in a minority, and a visible one at that. Perhaps some of us have just chosen to interpret our experiences very differently.

Thanks.

My (immigrant) mum has just moved away from an area in the Midlands, as she felt it had been changed from a cheerfully multicultural area, to a largely monocultural one where young Asian men in particular seemed to think it was acceptable to be appalling neighbours and be repeatedly rude to her in public, in a way that is just not acceptable. There isn't a racist bone in my mum's body, but she has always been very pro-integration though, and I think she found it really dispiriting to be treated like a second class citizen by a massed bunch of entitled blokes telling her she should put up and shut up. Tolerance needs to happen on both sides.

The OP keeps talking about Eastern Europe. I take it she realises there is more than one country in that geographical area...

Language barrier- hmm. When I have a language barrier cos I am away from home, and i learn a few words of basque so i can talk to a toddler and her mum, it is called "beast is living abroad as she is so sophisticated and brilliant at languages, well done her". When I have one in the UK it is apparently because the place has gone to the dogs.

Brits are spoilt, we are not used to having to make an effort and speak another language. I agree with a pp who was laughing at the irony of the worlds largest colonial power "losing its cultural identity."

What exactly do you think would happen to the UK if we didn't have this fresh blood every generation, of bright committed young people eager to contribute and be part of things? We'd be lucky to be Belgium, is what. There's a reason we are first out of recession in Europe. People come here because we have a good reputation for giving you a job without saying, no, you are Roma, bugger off, as they do in many other countries.

Some kids can be little swines. Being Polish doesn't have a hand in this. All the kids I know who are Polish/Eastern European are very well behaved and hard working.

I work in a very multi-cultural school. The kids all mix just fine. All the ones with English as a second language learn very quickly and the English kids get to learn plenty about other cultures, which can only be a good thing.

Anyone tarring a whole race/culture/religion/country with the same brush because of a few minor incidents (incidents that could easily have been with English people) is a massive bigot.

I haven't just imagined that the majority of parents who seem to just sit back and let their kids get on with it are from certain countries.
This is racist.
Oh, and do you speak Polish? Lithuanian? Romanian? How do you know they're eastern european, they may be German, Swedish, Dutch, Spanish...

Jinsei
"Perhaps some of us have just chosen to interpret our experiences very differently."

Of course life experiences are open to individual interpretation but just because your experience is positive does not mean other people who express negative views are racist, bigoted or in some other hold an invalid opinion.

BoffinMum makes the point better than I can. It is about integration or rather the lack of it in some areas.

Integration means willing people to integrate with.

You don't sound very friendly or approachable.

Yes possibly I have been quite negative as it seems pretty constant that certain kids seem to be able to attack mine / friends children and not get reprimanded for it.
It just feels unjust.
Maybe I feel that I've worked very hard with my children to teach them right from wrong and it feels unfair that my children then have to leave these places because parents can't be bothered to intervene or correct their children.
Unfortunately it has seemed to be mostly polish mothers that don't correct their kids that I've noticed although obviously that's not to say that there aren't 20 English kids behaving just as badly with mothers doing nothing in Wimbledon / another close town.
It's just what I seem to be encountering at the moment which I find sad.
Sorry for any offence.

I lived and worked in central Sutton for years, still have friends and visit a lot. I don't recognise the picture of some Eastern European ghetto OP has painted at all.

Unfortunately it has seemed to be mostly polish mothers that don't correct their kids
FFS Charlotte
This too is racist. Stop it.

OP bad parenting and lack of manners is universal.

Of course life experiences are open to individual interpretation but just because your experience is positive does not mean other people who express negative views are racist, bigoted or in some other hold an invalid opinion.

Where did I say that they were? I was responding to your suggestion that people who disagreed with the OP could not have had similar experiences.

I am not denying that some people will have negative experiences. However, I am always sceptical about people who use emotive phrases such as "feeling like a foreigner in your own country". I have never felt like that, despite having frequently been the only white person in a so-called "Asian area". I think it's sad that some people choose to interpret it like that. And yes, I do think it's a choice.

I just don't see how you get into so many rows with other mothers on Such a regular basis.

I don't understand that one.

Guys, the OP has listened so we should give her credit for this.

OP, I hope your kids find nice kids to play with.

Boffin, I have sympathy with your mum wanting to avoid arrogant young men who are horrible to old ladies. They exist in more than just Asian communities, of course, but they are PITA wherever they are.

Born and raised near Sutton, parents still live there. Full of racists and UKIP voters. Awful place. No tolerance at all most people. Couldn't wait to get away.

Looks like it hasn't changed much.

So OP: you speak Polish? You are thus able to identify the mothers' home countries accurately?

Sounds very welcoming, Superworm.

Jinsei
It may be an emotive phrase but I'm not sure how else to say it? Incidentally I did NOT say "feeling like a foreigner in your own country", I said "like living in a foreign country".

I think there is a subtle but important difference because I would never say this is MY country, it doesn't belong to me more than it belongs to any other individual.

IMO this about a massive cultural shift and not race anyway.

The trouble is that there are a lot of people with the mindset of the OP about. It's not difficult to see where UKIP get their voters from.

I've been the minority when I lived in another country with totally different racial background and it didn't bother me a bit. Don't know how I'd feel being the minority in the UK though, say if my kids went to a school which was 90% plus non white or immigrants, or if we were the only white family in our street etc. I can understand why some folk might feel strange or uncertain about this, especially older folk who have perhaps seen their area change massively in recent years.

What xenophobic claptrap! Put your Daily Mail down OP.

I met a Polish person today who wasn't very nice, therefore all Polish people are horrible. Sounds stupid? So does your OP.

I live in a very diverse area of inner London where both of my children are the only white children in the class and are usually one of only a very small amount born inside the UK. Everyone gets on fine, most of the kids pick up English quickly if they came without much knowledge of English (and many do have a fairly good grasp of English, actually). I think sometimes because the cultures are completely different, it can be a bit harder (some music and films they watch are in different languages and a lot of the class can talk about it, but my DC feel left out). The kids in question often joke about their parents being 'freshie' and distance themselves from their parents' (or their own) cultures I think, which is a bit sad.