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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to be the minority where I live?

734 replies

Charlottehines · 12/04/2014 09:18

It really saddens me that in parks and soft plays with my children, that I am in the minority and my children can't play with other children there as they all play together and obviously can't speak English.
I'm in no way racist, my husband is of mixed origin but I do find it incredibly sad that my children are growing up the minority especially when these other groups make no effort to integrate with other mums or the children.
Am I completely unreasonable to feel sad about this?

OP posts:
maddening · 12/04/2014 19:50

my dad's parents came from eastern Europe after ww2 (invited by the British government who needed workers) - my dad didn't learn English till he went to school as my gp didn't want him to learn it with a foreign accent as people assumed they were German and openly abused them.

jacks365 · 12/04/2014 19:50

But people can be isolated and made to feel unwelcome for many reasons in their local parks it doesn't have to be due to nationality or race.

13loki · 12/04/2014 19:51

I'm an immigrant. I often speak to my children in my mother tongue (English). My children played with pthers before they were fluent in the local language. I am very glad that local mothers will chat with me in a mix of english and the local language (often them speaking english and me swedish)
I'm not being rude speaking the language I know best with family and friends. I'm at the park in the day because Iam on maternity leave. I am not fluent in Swedish, but I do work here. It is very isolating to not know anyone or speak the language, it is only natural that immigrants (who have likely had similar experiences) are friendly with each other.

lemonmuffin · 12/04/2014 19:52

"When you can't get everyone to applaud you bigotry pull out thr 'I bet none of you live in areas with loads of immigrants' card"

That's fine, but so many of the posters who want to lecture us on tolerance seem to live in places like Bath, Somerset, Oxford, Norfolk, central London with outstanding rated schools.

Get yourselves up to Bradford and Blackburn, put your child into the local school there for 7 years and then come back and lecture me.

ElkTheory · 12/04/2014 19:53

A few years ago we were in London. My husband is Russian and we were speaking Russian together. Some bright spark eavesdropped on us overheard us and began a long rant about the terrible Poles who were taking jobs meant for the English (or something like that). I wish I had had the presence of mind to come up with a witty retort. Alas, I could only stare in disbelief. I wish I had asked where he had received his superior linguistic training since he couldn't tell the obvious difference between Russian and Polish. Or perhaps I should have dropped hints that my husband was actually a Russian oligarch, injecting some much needed capital into the UK economy.

I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that bigotry is frequently spouted by the pathetically ignorant (and usually monolingual).

Misspixietrix · 12/04/2014 19:54

lemon it has already been stated that many of us live in these areas. It is rather ignorant to say otherwise. Oh and I live quite oop north.

YouTheCat · 12/04/2014 19:56

Oh well I'm not British enough then. My grandparents came over from Italy in 1900.

And I live in a large, multi-cultural city in the North.

MrsDeVere · 12/04/2014 19:58

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Sillylass79 · 12/04/2014 19:58

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jacks365 · 12/04/2014 20:00

I'll admit to also being a northerner.

dancingnancy · 12/04/2014 20:02

Ha, ha. My Polish friend years ago was in England escorting a polish youth group. Seems she was ranting negatively about England in Polish at a beauty spot thinking none of the 'english locals' would understand when her now english husband piped up in Polish and embarrassed her (his parents were polish) to the delight of her students.

Never assume no one speaks your lingo!

MrsDeVere · 12/04/2014 20:02

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Misspixietrix · 12/04/2014 20:04

Sillylass do you have any evidence to back up that 90% bollocks claim?

YouTheCat · 12/04/2014 20:06

I remember that poster. And she didn't believe that anyone who didn't share her bigoted views could also live in the north.

YouTheCat · 12/04/2014 20:06

In anyone else here getting a sense of some 'puppetry' going on? Hmm

Jinsei · 12/04/2014 20:08

That's fine, but so many of the posters who want to lecture us on tolerance seem to live in places like Bath, Somerset, Oxford, Norfolk, central London with outstanding rated schools.

Well, dd does go to an "outstanding" rated school, which gets results that are well above the national average. However, more than half of the children have English as a second language, and a good number start school with no English at all. Am I allowed to have an opinion?

I live in one of the most diverse parts of the country fwiw. How about you lemon?

adoptmama · 12/04/2014 20:20

I find it interesting that one of UKIPs flagship polices is to limit immigration and, in fact, make it all but impossible.

Given the overall net benefit of migrationn into the UK by, for example Polish immigrants, it is clear that the targeted policies of UKIP, such as insisting immigrants provide 5 years worth of private education and health care for their dependents, would be detrimental to our economic growth. Every comprehensive and balanced study of the situation has shown central and eastern European immigrants have given more than they have taken in terms of contributions to the UK economy.

The fact they want to limit immigration by race/nationality rather than skill level is racist and is the reason their 'poster girl' Alexandra Swan publically announced 4 days ago she would no longer be campaigning for them.

When they talk about '800,000 jobs being advertised to EU workers' what they don't mention is, of course, those self same jobs are also advertised in the UK! Nor do they say how many of the jobs actually go to people hired from abroad (and of course if British workers were willing to offer the language skills needed by many multi-national companies many of these jobs could go to British people).

'No votes for prisoners' - um, most prisoners can't vote anyway. Only people on remand (ie not yet convicted of anything) and those awaiting sentencing can vote. You are talking a teeny-weeny number of actual people who may be eligible to vote when an actual election takes place. But hey-ho, makes you sound like you are being 'tough on crime' to people who can't or won't think.

'Scrap the European Arrest Warrant' - because it 'sends British citizens to foreign prisons without evidence'. Er, no it doesn't and it also allows us to seek the arrest, detention and extradition of British criminals who sod off to the Costa Del Crime.

'Prioritise social housing for people who were born locally' - really, this is so unworkable as to be an absolute joke. Very few people in economically mobile groups live and work where they were born.

'Teach children positive messages and pride in their country' - over my dead body would I allow a bunch of bigots like UKIP to decide what kind of 'positive message' my children will be taught on gay rights, multi-culturalism, immigration, poverty or anything else.

UKIPs policies do not stand up to the most basic level of social or economic scrutiny because they are not realistic policies of a party trying to achieve power. They are meaningless soundbites designed to provoke ire in the unthinking to generate enough votes to enable 'TeamNigel' to ride the coat tails of the gravy train he professes to despise.

thornrose · 12/04/2014 20:21

I couldn't resist coming back to see how this panned out, predictable.

I was brought up in a small village on the NE coast predominantly populated by white people.

I moved to London and lived in Tooting, Brixton and Leytonstone/Forest Gate. For anyone who knows these areas I think they'd agree they're very diverse areas. I worked in an OFSTED outstanding school similar to Jinsei's description.

I've never been to Blackburn though so I clearly don't get 'it'.

Sillylass79 · 12/04/2014 20:23

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Sillylass79 · 12/04/2014 20:39

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Justanotherlurker · 12/04/2014 20:43

I am not answering the op as it does have clear racist undertone, but this 'left' wing 'right' wing is bollocks, every colour is a partition of centre.(blue didn't appose increased welfare spending, and the reds saying they will not revert any of the most destructive current policies put in place), do we now call labour bigots

Net immigration even though ( underestimated) making a net contribution (although sending money out of the country is not included) does still have a short term impact on local areas such as schools, infrastructure and housing, this I think is a valid reason for concern and the main problem is down to NIMBY's

There is genuine concern that needs to be discussed

dancingnancy · 12/04/2014 20:46

I come from an area where you either go to the catholic or the 'Protestant' school - not a lot of diversity in that and I'm glad my children haven't been brought up like that. They have no clue about any of it.

lemonmuffin · 12/04/2014 20:56

i live in a northern working class area, all of the schools are pretty much segregated.

And all of the parents want to socialise with their own people.

I stand by my original comment to the op.

jacks365 · 12/04/2014 21:01

I live in a northern working class area and the level of racism and bigotry is extreme. The last Asian family who moved into the area were forced out of the town by attacks to property and abuse in the street.

YouTheCat · 12/04/2014 21:10

So a lovely welcoming atmosphere then, Jacks? And people wonder why some sections of our society wish to keep themselves to themselves. Hmm

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