Trust fund for children set up by pil

[PoppySeed2014]

Completely prepared to be told iabu. I really don't know...

We have 3 dc and are struggling a bit financially. Nothing dreadful but we've got into about £3k debt paying nursery fees etc.

My pil have set up trust funds for our dc which they (and only they) can access at 18. The money can't be touched by anyone till then.

Aibu to feel a bit weird that my pil have effectively entrusted my dc with large chunks of cash that my dh and I have no say over? I'm hoping they'll be mature, responsible 18 year olds who'll use the money for university. But... I just feel a bit uneasy.

I would rather the money was put into an account that we can use for their education now or save for when we feel they'll be responsible enough to use wisely.

Hit me with it. Aibu?!

But Poppy if you are a SAHM and your DCs are three, then you haven't got a childcare bill because they get their funding?

So, you're a SAHM, but you have 3 grand debt for nursery fees. Why is that, exactly? [puzzled emoticon]

I can totally understand where you're coming from. The cash would be much more useful for all of you now, not given to an 18yo who may well do something stupid with it. Also hard to feel pil are ignoring current financial helps they could give if they've got money to throw around.

Years ago, friends of mine put their baby's name on a lottery ticket that won. They were stuck with the consequences of that too. As well as the putting up with the idiocy of it, they had to watch the value of the money shrink totally too, a million isn't worth now what it was in the early 90s.

Anyway, nothing much you can do about it except encourage them to be sensible with it when the time comes.

Maybe ask them to help you out now? They may simply be unaware that you could do with it.

Yabu

My ds (19) has a trust fund, it's rather large actually, and the rest of us are poor as church mice. Generally, we all live like church mice including him.
It is set up with DH and myself on the Trustees. Since ds was 13 he has come along to meetings and been asked for his views on investments (ethical please and low to medium risk). At 18 when he could have taken control of the money himself, he opted to continue with the Trust until his education is completed.
He has a smallish monthly allowance and can request funds for other things. Actually, he frequently forgets he has a Trust and starts to stress about needing to find the money for such and such.

My DCs will inherit a few £k when they're 18 from my parents. It's nothing to do with me though, it's my job to encourage them to be sensible about it.

"The cash would be much more useful for all of you now, not given to an 18yo who may well do something stupid with it"

What, like being a SAHM and paying nursery fees you can't afford?

OP - I think you've queered the pitch a bit by mentioning your debt, which makes it sound as though you would rather they gave you the money to sort out your own finances.

On the basis that you state you do not want this money yourselves, and you are concerned that your kids will go mad with the money, then speak to PILs and ask if there is the potential for it to be 'rolled over' or invested for them until they are older. It sounds like you are getting quite worked up about something which won't happen for years - they might be studious little souls who want to use their money for something sensible.

Yabvvu I am afraid, it's their money to do as they wish, it is for your adult dc to decide what they do with it.

Seriously? your a SAHM with 3k of nursery fee's so you want the money now but you can pay off the debt in a few months anyway??

What?

Yabu.

Very very unreasonable

Am I seriously the only person here who didn't read 3k debt from nursery fees?

I read it as we have a 3k debt from the recent house move (as the op said) AND have to pay nursery fees for three children.

I really don't think they have 3k nursery fees outstanding.

OP's words were we have gotten into £3k debt paying nursery fees etc.

I agree with those who say it's not your money, it is nothing to do with you. All you can do is guide your dc to make sensible choices when the time comes.

Mentioning the debt in your op makes it sound like you want to use the money to help with those, which you kind of deny in your subsequent posts, so which is it?

If you are really struggling, and your parents have money (I assume they must be reasonably well off in order to be able to open the trust funds) why don't you just strait out ask them for a handout, rather than trying to procure the money set aside for your dc?

Sorry, pil, not parents

PIL gift all their DGC money each year, to be used for education or saved. DH and I are educating our DC about personal finance and how to save and invest the money so it earns compound interest for years and becomes a big pot of money. We are keen for them to save it and not spend it.

DD18's school has organised talks on personal finance for the sixth form in PSHCE which DD has found very useful. She was particularly impressed with Andrew Hallam, author of Millionaire Teacher.

Sorry but I think it's inappropriate for you to be envious of money intended for your children, clearly their gps intend it to be for the children to decide what to do with when they are older. That said have you asked them for help now?

And I know of people who came into family money in their teens and have nothing to show for it, but part of me says that is their lesson to learn

Sounds totally normal to me. Tax efficient long term savings ready for a time when your children will start to be independent and may need a bit of a leg up. My father had our grandparents do the same in the days when you could set up trust funds (he was an accountant). As the youngest I did pretty well out of it and had potentially a big lump sum, which I used for all my university living expenses. There is no particular reason to assume that all 18 year olds will be foolish with money, or that their parents will be responsible for that matter.

Both sets of grandparents pay into child trust funds for our children. It will give them a substantial lump sum at 18. We are already talking to our 7 year old about the expectation that the money is to fund his further/higher education or help him get a foot on the housing ladder.
YABU. It's great that the GPs want to help your kids as they enter adulthood. The "all the money goes to them at 18" is a feature of the available tax-efficient products. I wouldn't want my children to be given so much money that it was a disincentive to them making their own way in the world ( I'm thinking " trustafarian") but from the OP my impression is that we would be talking uni fees or house deposit rather than set up for life with no need to work?
If you want the GPs to help out financially now then that's a seperate issue. They may not know you are struggling. I don't understand why you would get into debt over childcare as a SAHP but that's a seperate issue.

Two seperate issues must read before posting.

It sounds great to me. 18yrs is when they need the money - you do not need it for their education which is free. I always say on threads where grandparents are showering the children with presents that it would be much better to start a savings fund.

YABU. It's the PIL's money to with as they want, your job is to ensure your kids are mature and responsible at 18 when they inherit the money to do something useful with it. It's not your money to do with as you please, bringing your children up is your financial responsibility seperate from any inheritance your PILs want to leave you or your children.

My in laws did similar. I insisted that the age that they will come into the money is 21. Eben then, although the cheque will be in their names it is paid via their gran, so she can hang onto it if they are totally off the rails. Also, they are to know nothing about the money til 18 at least.

All sounds v extreme but my db has been a drug adict since age 16. If he'd inherited anything at 18 he'd be dead. Allso (but less extreme) a friend inherited a chunk of money at 18 and frittered it away within a year. 1 just think a couple more yesrs maturity can't be a bad thing.