To have told dd to say this to the teacher at parents' evening?

[whysogrumpy]

She is in Y11 so a crucial year for her. She likes her English teacher but has told me several times that the lessons are noisy and that the teacher struggles to keep order. So I encouraged dd to tell that to the teacher herself and she did. Cue much embarrassed mumbling form the teacher followed by a promise to change the seating plan. Seems like it will be in effective to me.

Have recounted the whole thing to dp who has told me I have undermined the teacher and could not have expected more. What is the point of the school insisting that she attends these things if she is not allowed to speak? And, at her age, should she not speak for herself more?

AIBU? It was her issue - her results are still good so I'm not really too bothered -so I let her say it.

I think you weren't U to raise it, but you were U to get your DD to tell the teacher, while you were there. It strikes me as very PA and undermining, and clearly it was awkward for your DD too. If you want to give feedback, do it adult to adult.

YANBU
Although I'd have got DD1 to say she wanted to move or emailed the teacher ages ago if just moving would help the problem.

YABU

It was your job to raise this at another time when your dd wasn't there.
With limited time surely it was better to talk about targets and progression.

If you haven't had enough reason to warrant brining it up before, but it's enough of an issue that your dd feels it's worth bringing up at her met tin, then I think you did exactly the right thing.

Your DD has a problem with a particular lesson and you encouraged her to raise it with the teacher. Sounds fine to me, DCs have to learn to interact sensibly with adults at some stage and at 15/16 years old, your DD is quite old enough to express her opinion.
Well done both of you.

It was your job to raise this at another time when your dd wasn't there.

Why would a Year 11 student not be involved in this conversation? It is her who is experiencing the problems and she is best placed to raise them with the teacher.

It seems perfectly appropriate to me that a pupil should feel more confident to raise the matter with her parent present.

You haven't undermined the teacher at all. You've supported your child in raising an issue that affects her education in an appropriate manner.

I think that's fine.

Is what parent's evening is for.

Sorry, your partner was right. The teacher has been totally undermined by a 16 year old and by yourself. It's an extremely difficult job teaching in a secondary. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be brought up as an issue, but it does mean that you need to find a more appropriate way of having that conversation.

Such as?

But he's being undermined anyway.

He struggles with the class and can't keep order.

So what OP's DD said was entirely true and fair. She's being honest.

you need to find a more appropriate way of having that conversation

What could be more appropriate than a meeting between parent, teacher and student?

I'm bemused. Why isn't Parent's evening an appropriate place to discuss issues affecting a child's education? Not like she took out an ad in the local paper.

I think undermining would be if the DD had said things like "you're useless at keeping the class in order" "why can't you control the other DC" etc...... And I doubt the OPs DD would have framed it that way.

It is important for DC to speak up, yes, even to adults, to be able to get their points and concerns across. Politely and respectfully of course.

YANBU

I think it's fine, I don't see how it undermines a teacher.

Thanks for the replies. glad to see a lot think IANBU. DD only raised the issue to me just before we met the teacher, so I'd had no opportunity to raise it before. However, I thought it ideal that she raise it herself anyway...

Parents' evening that the student has to attend is surely the most appropriate place to have a conversation about issues either the student, parent or teacher is having

well i think if you wanted to embarrass the teacher in front of your child, and leave the possbily feeling uncomfortable when teaching her class in future, you've gone the right way about it.

what you raised was - obviously - a criticism of the teacher's classroom management. that would have been better coming from you without your child present.

I thought she was 11. I can see it would be a different conversation with a 16yo.

that would have been better coming from you without your child present.

The Year 11 'child' is the one raising the problem. How would it be better for someone else to raise it with the teacher on her behalf?

Actually as an English teacher with some problematic classes I wouldn't mind this at all and would see it as a mature student wanting to get ahead. I would then remember to check in and make sure she is ok.
I wouldn't have a problem at all.

Did you think the teacher is oblivious to the fact his classroom is noisy and he can't control them?

Omg you poor child she must have be mortified it's your job to raise this yup should have pulled teacher aside when child was out of ear shot

Very poor show op

Yanbu. You are teaching your teenager to speak out on issues that effect her in an appropriate way at and appropriate time. She'll grow up having enough self respect to know that no one is infallible and you can change or react to the things that matter to you. I'd say that's a job well done.