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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told dd to say this to the teacher at parents' evening?

79 replies

whysogrumpy · 10/04/2014 19:36

She is in Y11 so a crucial year for her. She likes her English teacher but has told me several times that the lessons are noisy and that the teacher struggles to keep order. So I encouraged dd to tell that to the teacher herself and she did. Cue much embarrassed mumbling form the teacher followed by a promise to change the seating plan. Seems like it will be in effective to me.

Have recounted the whole thing to dp who has told me I have undermined the teacher and could not have expected more. What is the point of the school insisting that she attends these things if she is not allowed to speak? And, at her age, should she not speak for herself more?

AIBU? It was her issue - her results are still good so I'm not really too bothered -so I let her say it.

OP posts:
ll31 · 11/04/2014 08:09

Yanbu. Your dd is almost an adult and youd expect her to be capable of raising issues with teacher. Its not undermining , its raising an issue of concern.

TheReluctantCountess · 11/04/2014 08:14

The teacher probably has sleepless nights over his year 11 class. He will be getting constant hassle from SLT about students not meeting unrealistic targets. He will be giving up his own time to run revision classes. He will be more than aware that the class is noisy. He will be worrying constantly about the students who want to work but who are distracted by the noisy ones who don't. Having it pointed out by a student won't help.

Let's hope he doesn't go off with stress for the last few weeks before the exams, leaving the class with no teacher.

FWIW the student that moans to me about the chatting in my year 11 class is one of the ones that won't shut up.

Gurnie · 11/04/2014 08:19

Well that is true TheReluctantCountess! Hopefully if that was the case then he will have said so though!

littlemslazybones · 11/04/2014 08:21

I think you did a brilliant job. Being assertive and addressing issues with those who are in a position of power or influence over you in a calm and mature manner is part of the package of being a confident adult. You helped guide your daughter through this, YANBU.

littlemslazybones · 11/04/2014 08:24

Reluctant if the above is true he is has my sympathy but it wouldn't extend far enough to excuse a shit learning environment for my child.

DocDaneeka · 11/04/2014 08:30

Reluctant, it's no good him worrying himself into sleepless nights. He needs to do something. If you can't give feedback about a genuine problem in a constructive manner because someone might worry then it all seems a bit pointless.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 11/04/2014 08:31

Bollox to those above who thinks it's undermining. Maybe if the teacher paid attention to the room it wouldn't have needed bringing up?

Just sayin'! If you don't want faults picked up by a 16yr old maybe YOU need to improve.

Linguini · 11/04/2014 08:33

"Omg you poor child she must have be mortified it's your job to raise this yup should have pulled teacher aside when child was out of ear shot"

That would be a terrible and interfering response!

FGS the child is 16, and raised the issue just beforehand. She was probably thinking of saying it to the teacher herself anyway at the parents eveing.

Children should be encouraged to talk about problems for themselves and try to resolve them without parents having to do everything for them!

OP, you did the right thing encouraging your daughter to address issues herself, rather than interfering directly, which would have only caused an extra problem for your daughter.

TallulahMcFey · 11/04/2014 08:38

I think it was fine to do it your way, or equally fine if you had raised it yourself. That is what the parents evenings are for after all and why would you daughter be there if she wasn't allowed to speak. I also think that if the teacher wanted to be saved the embarrassment of being told that she isn't handling her class properly, then she should handle it properly.

monkeymamma · 11/04/2014 08:46

I think it was the right thing to do. She will be potentially starting uni soon and IMO they need to be objective about and able to feed back on the service they are getting there because they are paying shitloads of money for it. Kids now will be paying back their loans for the best part of their adult lives and need to have the confidence to ensure they make the most of it.

shazbean · 11/04/2014 08:57

At 16 our English teacher went on a year long job transfer to the States and we got given an American teacher who gave us the same homework as 11 year olds...think grammar punctuation etc. None of the expected syllabus.
A couple of us who were very worried about it went and spoke to the head of Department and we sorted it out OURSELVES. Parents only found out afterwards when we had to swap teachers.
I think you did exactly the right thing, why on earth would you get involved, your daughter needs to be able to express herself and speak up if she feels something is not right.
If the teacher is feeling stressed and undermined then he is an adult and it is his job to get help with it Confused.

Nomama · 11/04/2014 09:32

As a teacher I would have been delighted for the student that they had parents who were willing to support them in their quest for good teaching but not ready to leap in and overwhelm them.

If only more parents would act like that. At least then there is some measure of how much the child wants an issue resolved and they learn that if they want something to happen they must take charge of their side themselves.

Good move, OP.

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2014 09:44

The teacher probably has sleepless nights over his year 11 class. He will be getting constant hassle from SLT about students not meeting unrealistic targets. He will be giving up his own time to run revision classes. He will be more than aware that the class is noisy. He will be worrying constantly about the students who want to work but who are distracted by the noisy ones who don't. Having it pointed out by a student won't help. Let's hope he doesn't go off with stress for the last few weeks before the exams, leaving the class with no teacher.

So if he is probably 'aware' what is he doing about it? Why should the student put up and shut up? They are entitled to complain if their works is suffering, surely?
And the potential stress issue is not down to the well-behaved student complaining they can't learn! They shouldn't be guilt-tripped into keeping quiet because senior management doesn't give sufficient support.

FWIW the student that moans to me about the chatting in my year 11 class is one of the ones that won't shut up

That is surely easily dealt with as a separate issue.

I think the OP's daughter handled herself very well.

JennyCalendar · 11/04/2014 09:51

As a teacher, it was right for your daughter to raise the issue herself. However, I would be surprised that she had waited for parents evening, especially so late in the year.

I expect students to come to me at any time if they have an issue like that. As HoD I also have students coming directly to me about problems in other classes. Tbh it all gets sorted a lot quicker that way than waiting for an appointment with parents as the problem is often resolved by the time they can come in.

brettgirl2 · 11/04/2014 09:56

that's my point nenny. It's about encouraging the students to behave in a way that is conducive to a positive learning environment. It is not about 'controlling' either them or the group. It's semantics I agree but its an important distinction.

A teacher cannot control the behaviour their pupils or a group of pupils.

You hear so many parents/ kids in tough schools going on about this teacher can't control the class, that's why I misbehave. er no its because you are choosing to behave badly.

Goldmandra · 11/04/2014 09:56

I expect students to come to me at any time if they have an issue like that.

I'm sure you understand that there are some students who don't have the confidence to raise issues unsupported. It's a learning process and the OP scaffolded her DD nicely, hopefully enabling her to act on her own the next time such a problem occurs.

brettgirl2 · 11/04/2014 09:57

however the op's daughter has a right to say she feels that the learning environment is affecting her work

lechers · 11/04/2014 09:58

Another teacher who would not have had a problem with the student raising that as an issue at parents' evening. This is precisely what parents' evening is for.

However, I also agree with the previous poster that it is very late in the year it be raising such issues.

DoJo · 11/04/2014 10:11

Given the number of people on here who are so desperate to be able to assert themselves more in the face of others' unreasonable behaviour, I am surprised that so many people think that a 16 year old shouldn't express their concerns to their teachers. When does speaking up for yourself start?

CleverWittyUsername · 11/04/2014 10:35

As a teacher of GCSE English I think it's fine. I am always glad to hear feedback from parents and students. Yes, it would be embarassing but afterwards at least I would know and be able to take proper steps. The teacher is prob aware of the issue but can't just stick his head in the sand and hope nobody else notices. With only a month of lessons left before the disappear for exams, every lesson is crucial. I'm just surprised that you or your daughter haven't mentioned it to him before if it's been that much of an issue, it seems a bit late really considering the leaving date is soon approaching.

JennyCalendar · 11/04/2014 10:48

I'm sure you understand that there are some students who don't have the confidence to raise issues unsupported.*

Oh, definitely Gold. But it's usually much earlier in the year, or by a separate appointment. It's also quite rare in my school for a Year 11 to feel they can't speak to A staff member (not necessarily the one they're having issues with), but that is my experience in my school's culture. We encourage and welcome student opinions from Year 7, so they are all rather outspoken by Year 9 if there is anything they dislike about their learning environment.

JennyCalendar · 11/04/2014 10:52

Also, the students support each other, so if one is a bit nervous, they come as a little friendship group to speak to me. It sounds in the OP's case that there would be several disgruntled students, so they could have gone en masse to the teacher, HoD, form tutor etc.

Goldmandra · 11/04/2014 11:34

That may be the case with most of the students in your school but it's by no means the case in all schools.

I think it is entirely appropriate for this student to have found the confidence to raise this issue with the teacher. Better late than never.

Perhaps the teacher will reflect on why it wasn't raised earlier if the problem has been ongoing for some months.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 11/04/2014 11:37

I'd have done the same. DS1 is year 11 and I encourage him to be confident when it comes to his schooling. DS2 will be a different matter o he's far too shy.

YANBU.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 11/04/2014 12:53

YANBU

Absolutely the right thing to do.

It is important that students learn to express their concerns in a way which means that if appropriate they will be dealt with. Concerns about classroom management should be raised highlighting the impact poor management has on the student:

'Because the classroom is noisy I find it difficult to concentrate/hear the teacher'

Not:

'The teacher doesnt control the class so the lessons are a waste of time'

IME the former leaves little 'wriggle room' for the teacher. The latter can be easily dismissed.