To have told dd to say this to the teacher at parents' evening?

[whysogrumpy]

She is in Y11 so a crucial year for her. She likes her English teacher but has told me several times that the lessons are noisy and that the teacher struggles to keep order. So I encouraged dd to tell that to the teacher herself and she did. Cue much embarrassed mumbling form the teacher followed by a promise to change the seating plan. Seems like it will be in effective to me.

Have recounted the whole thing to dp who has told me I have undermined the teacher and could not have expected more. What is the point of the school insisting that she attends these things if she is not allowed to speak? And, at her age, should she not speak for herself more?

AIBU? It was her issue - her results are still good so I'm not really too bothered -so I let her say it.

DD1 has said exactly the same thing to teachers. None have taken offence and have promised to do something about the noise.

(DD2 on the other hand was usually the one causing the noise)

I would assume the teacher knows his classroom is noisy and that he fails to get silence.
So I don't see how this will now change?

I wonder how many commenting negatively, have secondary age children and have attended parent/student/teacher evenings.

Fusedog, why? Surely that just turns it into a game of Chinese whispers. Teenager tells parent about problem; parent speaks to teacher; teacher responds; parent relays response to child; and on and on. A recipe for miscommunication.

Good grief. This is a 16 year old. At what age would it be appropriate to discuss a problem with an adult?

How about viewing the teacher's abilities in controlling a class being seen as undermining the student's education?

This is a young woman about to enter the world of independent learning/education/work etc, if she has a point she feels needs addressing, she absolutely needs to raise it, and to be encouraged to do it respectfully.

It's her education! The teacher may not have been expecting the question, but if it's a fair criticism, she has to take it on board.

This is a young woman who will have to fill in her own job applications soon enough, make her own exam and course choices, and in a few years be self sufficient.

Or should she be one of those stunted adults who expect/need their mums to job hunt for them?

If any mother applied to me for a job on behalf of their child i'd not consider them for the role because they don't have the necessary social and life skills to exist in the modern work environment.

We have a job to do in raising our children to be successful adults. Anything less, and we're failing them.

Nothing wrong with that. If the teacher was embarrassed it's probably because they know this and have been pulled up on it. I'd far sooner a student essentially said 'I want to learn but I'm struggling due to my class mates behaviour' than not doing as well as they could for fear of offending me! Thicker skins needed by secondary teachers if that upsets them! YANU

If education is supposed to be a partnership between teacher, pupil and parents then what better opportunity to discuss the issues? At 16 surely they should be capable of raising issues and discussing them rationally and politely.

Yr 11? Surely they're going on study leave in about a week? I'm a teacher - I'd have no problem hearing this, but honestly I'd expect a student to have raised it before now, or to get an email from the parent. As for the point of her attendance at the meeting, at this stage in her education I would expect a parents' evening with the student present to be to discuss what the student needs to revise and how they can improve before exams.

i emailed my daughters teacher for her about a seating problem in the school (she is really small and at the back) it was sorted with less embarrassment that way

Absolutely fine for your dd to say that, as long as she was polite. A great example of her dealing with the problem, and preparing her for the real world.

Seriously get a grip, she's year 11 not year 1. In a couple of years or less she will need to assert herself in the work place, and have adult interactions with her seniors, sounds like a great place to start to me.
Telling your teacher about somethjng that is bothering you isn't undermining them, if all students kept things to themselves no one would ever learn anything

What did you expect to achieve? Do you think the teacher is unaware?

Surely the whole point of having parents evenings where parents and pupils are both asked to attend is the encourage the child to take responsibility in their own learning.

A parents evening where parent, child and teacher are all in attendance is exactly where this should be discussed if it's a recent issue. If it's not a recent issue then it should have been the responsibility if the child to raise concerns either at school or with the parents if that's not successful. Then the parent should raise the issue without delay.

Not unreasonable at all. Education is a two way process, and I wish I'd known that at school and had the courage to make helpful suggestions like your DD.

The teacher needed to be made aware yes.

But please don't embarrass your daughter again like that.

I can't think of many 16 year olds who would have appreciated being put into that position.

YANBU. If the teacher's embarrassed, he should be embarrassed that he's not controlling his class. I know it's a shit situation if you're a young teacher and the first couple of years' baptism of fire must be incredibly hard to get through but in the meantime there's kids' educations suffering. At least now he knows he has an ally in the class!

It is a bit late in the school year to bring it up! As VideoET says they will soon be on study leave. I would have brought up the issue earlier so that the senior management could have helped and done something about it.

I honestly can't see the problem, obviously have no idea how the conversation was framed - but surely at that age the parent takes a bit of a back seat and chips in with support?

'controlling' classes. What about 16 year olds controlling their own behaviour?

Brettgirl, that's not the issue here, is it? In an ideal world, 16 year olds would control their own behaviour. But if some of them don't, it's the teacher's job to sort it out for the sake of pupils like OP's daughter.

It's true that the other 16 years olds ought to be being sensible but clearly they are not. I think, as long as your Dd felt comfortable with it, then it was fine to do it. I'm not sure I'd have actually said "you can't control the class" but I would have talked to Dd about a more kind way of putting it. The plain fact is though that this is affecting the learning of the other children and so must be broached one way or another. As many other posters have said this 16 year old may be at work in few months.....easily old enough to assert herself with a teacher in a polite way.