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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that my brother and his fiancée should pay?

93 replies

RagamuffinAndFidget · 08/04/2014 14:37

My brother and his fiancée (also one of my very good friends, and both DS1's godparents) suggested a while ago that they take DS1 and DS2 (4.5 and 2.5) on a day trip to the zoo during the holidays. It was completely their idea, no suggestions from us at all, although obviously DH and I are pretty pleased about having a day to ourselves! DB and his DF work full time, house share with another couple, don't have any children of their own, and are quite 'well off' in terms of disposable income. DH and I are skint as skint things and wouldn't have arranged this day trip ourselves as we can't really afford it right now.

The trip is arranged for next week and I've just had a call from DB's F asking whether we will be paying for the zoo tickets for our DSes. I said that we couldn't afford to, hence why we didn't arrange the trip ourselves, and she seemed to get a bit huffy but said "Oh OK, that's fine . We'll pay, I just wanted to check ". The way she said it just made me feel like I was in the wrong.

So am I? Or should they pay for a day trip they suggested and organised? I am going to pack a lunch for the boys if they need one (they haven't decided whether they're having a picnic or not) and will give them a couple of pounds each to spend in the shop, but that's about the limit of my budget. I've just been left feeling like I'm being really U. Help me Mumsnet!

OP posts:
Flyonthewindscreen · 08/04/2014 14:39

I also would have assumed that since your DB and his DF suggested the zoo trip, they were paying as their treat.

AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 14:39

Yes, they should the fucking skinflints

YADNBU

My sis had kids way before me and when I took my neice (and god'd) out and about all over the place, I never asked for a penny. I did it because it was fun and because I wanted to. It probably cost me a fortune, but who cares ?

Namechangesrus · 08/04/2014 14:41

YANBU at all. They shouldn't offer to take them if they don't want to pay!

diddl · 08/04/2014 14:43

I would also think that they were paying, unless they said from the start that they'd be happy to take the kids out if you paid.

Could be that they've just had a shock at how much it'll cost them all to get in.

If the kids aren't bothered, could they be taken somewhere cheaper for the day?

Itsfab · 08/04/2014 14:43

Since the offered to take them they should pay. I thought I was going to say since you get a break you should pay but no, they invited the children so they should pay.

Send a picnic though. Since she doesn't really want to pay entrance fees for her Godchildren she probably doesn't want to pay for their lunches either.

allmycats · 08/04/2014 14:44

They suggested that they take them and then do not want to pay for it ??? - this seems strange to me, I would have expected to give the kids a bit of pocket money myself but would not have expected to pay (although would have offered initially).

Innermagic · 08/04/2014 14:44

Yanbu if i arranged to take out my niece and nephew I would always pay for everything it would be my treat and I like spoiling them, my sister alway offers money if I take them out but I alway refuse.

davidbrentslovechild · 08/04/2014 14:44

No you are not being UR. If they wanted you to pay for the tickets then they should have mentioned this when making the initial offer to take them.

Does your brother know that his DF has asked you for money for the tickets?

Boudica1990 · 08/04/2014 14:45

Yanbu

I look after friends children sometimes and if I decide that a soft play is a good day out because it's raining I pay for it, I don't ask my friend for the money. She also dosnt pay me for child care, I know she is short financially and I'm not so it makes sense. I only have 3 female friends two of who have children and the same arrangement for other friend too.

joybee · 08/04/2014 14:47

Yanbu. I expect to pay for any kids we invite out with my children.

Stinklebell · 08/04/2014 14:47

YANBU

If I suggest taking my DDs and their friends/cousins out, I pay - it's my treat.

If my family/friends/whatever take mine out, it's their treat and they pay

I send mine with enough £ for a round of ice creams and some tat from the gift shop and a packed lunch if they're picnicking.

BillyBanter · 08/04/2014 14:47

I'm guessing a conversation something like this.

DF: Have you told raga how much the zoo is?
DB: Um, no.
DF: Well you need to let her know so she has the money ready when we pick her up
DB: Um, I wasn't intending on getting her to pay, it's our idea and treat
DF: Taking them to give them a day off, but surely Raga is paying for their zoo tickets.
DB: I doubt she can afford to, or is expecting to. It was our idea, our offer.
DF: Don't be silly, of course she expects to pay for them. They are her kids. Phone her and check.
DB: I'm not phoning her. We're paying. She will not be expecting to pay for them.

DF: OK I will!
DB: don't phone her it will just be embarrassing.
DF: It won't because she must know that she needs to pay.
DB: Fine you phone her then.

Quinteszilla · 08/04/2014 14:47

Hmm They invited your kids, so in my view they should be paying for them. Can you give them a small token box of chocolate as a thank you and say you are so happy about their kind offer of taking your dc to the zoo as this is an event you just would not be able to afford yourselves.

People who are well off often dont realize others arent...

JeDeLo · 08/04/2014 14:50

YANBU. I would have assumed it was inferred that they would cover the cost if the trip was their initiative. Nip any feelings of resentment in the bud maybe by explaining that if you'd realised they had meant just physically 'taking' the kids rather than 'taking them' i.e. paying, then you wouldn't have agreed as your budget doesn't stretch to that at the moment. In my mind it's the same as saying you'll 'take someone to lunch' and then asking them to pay at the end.

lynniep · 08/04/2014 14:54

BillyBanter sounds spot on!

FoxesRevenge · 08/04/2014 14:54

Sounds to me like they thought it would be a great day out until they looked at the ticket prices! They should research this before offering next time. Oh, and they should definitely pay this time.

Wantsunshine · 08/04/2014 14:55

At that age the kids maybe free or they could get a voucher for free child with paying adult.
YANBU I would assume their treat

randomAXEofkindness · 08/04/2014 14:59

YANBU! Cheeky git.

LayMeDown · 08/04/2014 15:02

YANBU. DH and I were the first of our friends and families to have kids and our eldest two have been taken all sorts of places by various aunts and uncles and family friends.
Not once as it occured to me to pay. They always asked and planned the trips. They've always paid. Even sometimes my Mum and Dad have had them fro sleepovers while we are away and have done trips to adventure parks and zoos and have never expected money. Since this is what they chose to do with them.

Weird

Original poster
RagamuffinAndFidget · 08/04/2014 15:03

I've just had a look online and if they print off a voucher and show their train tickets they can get 2for1 tickets.. DS2 is free anyway as he's under 3 but DS1 will have to be paid for. I feel really bad about the whole thing now. There was definitely no mention of us paying when it was suggested. DB called and said "We were thinking we'd like to take the boys to the zoo in the holidays" - obviously the conversation went on after that but that was how he phrased it. Should I have assumed that we would pay for their tickets? Luckily they're both still free on the trains or this would be even worse! Wink

OP posts:
zzzzz · 08/04/2014 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 08/04/2014 15:04

I'd have assumed they were paying too. We always do if offering to take others out for the day with DS.

However I know on MN many expect the parents to pay the entry fee.

If DS is taken for the day I always send him with spending money, lunch or money if eating out and always offer the entry fee.

Floggingmolly · 08/04/2014 15:06

I would have assumed they were paying. Besides, if they get a family ticket it'll hardly be that much extra for the two kids, certainly not the cost of two tickets.
It's so miserable to offer someone a treat and then demand that all expenses be covered.

NoodleOodle · 08/04/2014 15:08

YANBU They offered, therefore they pay.

persimmon · 08/04/2014 15:08

YADNBU. They are.

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