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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that my brother and his fiancée should pay?

93 replies

RagamuffinAndFidget · 08/04/2014 14:37

My brother and his fiancée (also one of my very good friends, and both DS1's godparents) suggested a while ago that they take DS1 and DS2 (4.5 and 2.5) on a day trip to the zoo during the holidays. It was completely their idea, no suggestions from us at all, although obviously DH and I are pretty pleased about having a day to ourselves! DB and his DF work full time, house share with another couple, don't have any children of their own, and are quite 'well off' in terms of disposable income. DH and I are skint as skint things and wouldn't have arranged this day trip ourselves as we can't really afford it right now.

The trip is arranged for next week and I've just had a call from DB's F asking whether we will be paying for the zoo tickets for our DSes. I said that we couldn't afford to, hence why we didn't arrange the trip ourselves, and she seemed to get a bit huffy but said "Oh OK, that's fine . We'll pay, I just wanted to check ". The way she said it just made me feel like I was in the wrong.

So am I? Or should they pay for a day trip they suggested and organised? I am going to pack a lunch for the boys if they need one (they haven't decided whether they're having a picnic or not) and will give them a couple of pounds each to spend in the shop, but that's about the limit of my budget. I've just been left feeling like I'm being really U. Help me Mumsnet!

OP posts:

AfricanExport · 08/04/2014 18:56

YANBU

If they offered I would expect them to pay.

I would l definitely cancel it. I will be indebted to her otherwise. .. In her head at least. No thanks

dustarr73 · 08/04/2014 19:35

Yes cancel it you will never hear the end of it.And if you ever have a row it will be the first thing mentioned.
I cant believe people saying i would have offered to pay do people not read the posts saying op cant afford to go.Where would she magically get the money from.

Just ring your brother and tell him it doesnt matter and its wires crossed
and the kids wont be going.

deakymom · 08/04/2014 21:58

good grief! even if im taking a friends child on a trip I PAY i offered to take my daughters friend to the zoo with us i got the tickets i offered to do her a packed lunch (she told me she was a fussy eater so bought her own) she is a biological stranger and i didn't ask her for a penny!

zzzzz · 08/04/2014 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

RagamuffinAndFidget · 08/04/2014 22:56

I haven't managed to get hold of him this evening. He's working a lot of overtime at the moment so it may be that he finished work late and hasn't really had a chance to return my message. I sent DF a text too, just saying that I hoped I hadn't caused offence and that we would not mind if the trip didn't go ahead, if they felt that couldn't/didn't want to pay for the zoo tickets. She hasn't replied either but I know she is working this evening too.

Ah well. Maybe they'll reply tomorrow..

OP posts:

Bithurt · 09/04/2014 20:30

Did you hear anything today op?

Coconutty · 09/04/2014 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 09/04/2014 20:49

I would pay and enjoy the child free day.

Itsfab · 09/04/2014 21:02

RTT Creamy! The OP can't afford it.

Original poster

RagamuffinAndFidget · 09/04/2014 21:33

Sorry, meant to update sooner but had a v.busy day.. I spoke to DF earlier and she said that she was sorry if she made it seem like she wasn't happy with me. She said they are happy to pay, but she just wanted to double check as DB had asked her what the plan was. This is the first time they've ever taken anyone's children out anywhere, ever, so I guess they just weren't sure of the 'etiquette'. Crossed wires on all counts, I think!

All's well that ends well, eh?

OP posts:

PicaK · 09/04/2014 21:40

Excellent. Hope the kids have a lovely time.

Coconutty · 09/04/2014 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KateSpade · 09/04/2014 21:52

My aunt & cousin (godmother) took my daughter to the zoo last summer, DD was 1yo, and it didn't even cross my mind to offer them the money, especially when someone says

'Hello Kate, I was thinking of taking DD to the zoo during half term if that's okay with you'

Maybe I could understand there response if you'd asked them to do it, to look after them for the day but YANBU!

rookiemater · 09/04/2014 21:56

I'm glad you got it sorted. I'd maybe make the point when they are taking them that you are so glad that your DCs are getting the chance to go to the zoo as you couldn't afford to take them.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 09/04/2014 22:01

Is your zoo participating in the scheme where for every fee psying child, an accompanying adult goes free? The coupon is on the back of a famous cereal pack brand beginning with K.

I would assume that they were paying since they suggested it.

Bettercallsaul1 · 09/04/2014 22:18

Sounds as if it was just a case of bad communication (on your friend's part) rather than bad intentions! It's good that it's all sorted out.

However, you were definitely not unreasonable to have the expectation that they would pay! An offer of a treat should be just that - no half measures!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 09/04/2014 22:30

Yay :) enjoy your child free day.

Itsfab · 10/04/2014 09:28

I am glad you are happy but why all the huffing from her if it was genuinely just about not knowing what happens when you take someone's child out? And this is her nephew!

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