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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women dislike women?

94 replies

ScotchBonnet1985 · 07/04/2014 21:07

I have always been under the impression that some (not all!) women dislike other females for no reason other than the fact they are women.
I had a conversation with a colleague who said she had never ever in her professional or personal life experienced that and was shocked at what I was saying.
i have spoken to DP who said that its definitely something he has come across before. Is this something people have experienced or aibu?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/04/2014 21:11

I've not, but I think there is a lot of social pressure on women to judge or condemn other women, and pressure against seeing other women as sources of strength or help.

Coldlightofday · 07/04/2014 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thesimplethings · 07/04/2014 21:26

No, I like other women, certainly don't feel competitive and enjoy company of other women. In fact I go out of my way to chat to receptive women in soft play/shops/beach etc. Dads too. I've got two toddler dc, 16 months apart and a friendly non judgemental chat goes a long way.

A person is a person it book.

Wish others felt the same. Takes a village to raise a child and all that.

Thesimplethings · 07/04/2014 21:26

On fact I wish I had more female like minded friends

FiftyShadesOfGreen4205 · 07/04/2014 21:31

Agree with the above poster about the patriarchy.

I heard a TED talk that suggested through advertising and marketing indoctrination, women are supposedly valued by their physical attractiveness to men. Therefore we compete with other women to be attractive to men.

Ok it's a bit simplistic but quite thought provoking. I have encountered nastiness equally from men and women in my lifetime so I don't think all women see other women as the competition.

Boudica1990 · 07/04/2014 21:34

Hmmm I think I may be one of those women in a way.

I don't particularly get on with other women, and its through no fault of their own, its me. I feel very uncomfortable in the presence of other women, very self conscious like I'm being judged iyswim

Its my own insecurities that stops me I know that, but I do not go out of my way not to socialise with many women and will often go quiet and sneak off if let with a large group of women at a social function.

I don't like the fact that most times I have been in the presence of a group of women they end up talking about others and it makes me uneasy and nervous. :(

So I would say yes I'm one of those women who doesn't like face to face social contact with women and can count on one hand the amount of female friends I have.

Boudica1990 · 07/04/2014 21:35

Sorry that should say I do go out of way not to socialise with women.

Grennie · 07/04/2014 21:37

Yes women are taught to hate other women. Many women constantly judge and talk very negatively about other women.

Coldlightofday · 07/04/2014 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tmae · 07/04/2014 21:41

I love the company of women but I know a few women who have the attitude you describe.

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2014 21:41

I don't know if they're taught to hate other women or not

But I do know it doesn't take much for some women to get stuck in, when it comes to slating the appearance of some female celebrities.

You only have to read endless MN threads to see that.

Oddly though, some of the posters who generally love to give female celebs a good kicking, can be seen on other threads declaring themselves as feminists.

It's mind boggling really.

Latara · 07/04/2014 21:41

I work with a team of women and have good female friends and family; I wouldn't say that 'women dislike each other' at all. Some can be bitchy but so can some men.

Original poster
ScotchBonnet1985 · 07/04/2014 21:44

Just to clarify I would like to know if you think it is the case that women do dislike other women. I am not one of these people but i do think i have been in the past but have done everything i can to change my ways, Boudica I admire your admission as its a hard thing to recognise.
I 100% agree that there are pressures on women to look a certain way and to be judged. Is this the reason for the disliking? A very primitive playground 'ill judge you to take focus off me'?

OP posts:
specialsubject · 07/04/2014 21:44

really not bothered about gender. I won't enjoy the company of someone who talks about handbags, lipstick, weddings, spas, fashion - that doesn't mean I don't like women in general. I won't enjoy the company of someone who talks about football, rugby, video games - but I don't dislike men in general.

I am bored by either gender leching (sp?) over the other.

I have outgrown competing about appearance - does anyone over 20 REALLY do that?

nobutreally · 07/04/2014 21:46

I've never met a woman who I feel dislikes women in general. Or for that matter a man who dislikes men. I've met some ultra-competitive people of both genders who find it easier when with people of the opposite gender as it dissipates the competition somewhat (as there are slightly different competition areas, generally)

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2014 21:46

Just to clarify I would like to know if you think it is the case that women do dislike other women.

If you said some women dislike other women, I would agree.

Otherwise it's far too sweeping a statement as women are obviously all individual people.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/04/2014 21:47

scotch, I think the way you see it is different from how I see it. You're assuming this is all conscious 'dislike'. I don't think it is. I don't think many (any?) women consciously decide 'I'll judge you to take focus off me'.

It's conditioning.

Genuine dislike between women is, I reckon, about as common as genuine dislike between any two other people.

Boudica1990 · 07/04/2014 21:47

It stems I think from being bullied at school for my weight after I gained nearly 2stone at 14 after breaking my leg. It was the girls who picked on me. It then led to a eating disorder that I briefly mentioned in another post of mine recently.

I feel more comfortable in the presence of males, this I would agree with. Large group of unknown males probably not, but if I knew maybe one or two out of the group I would settle better.

I seem to have trust issues with women, but not with men. I know it's me and not the other women and I accept it but at 24 I don't think there is much I can do about it. :(

I'm currently pregnant and the thought of baby groups and toddler groups is making me uneasy as I know these will be very female heave groups, but I know I have to go and put a brave face on as I wouldn't want my son to pick up on my nervousness or issues.

almondcake · 07/04/2014 21:49

I prefer the company of other women. I've not experienced the kind of group dynamics as an adult that people seem to be referring to.

FiftyShadesOfGreen4205 · 07/04/2014 21:49

worra I totally agree.

An ex-friend of mine would bitch relentlessly about every woman we knew. It was increasingly uncomfortable as we grew older. The final straw came when she visited me two weeks after birth and was all sweetness and light. Though I later found out had been slagging off the appearance of my swollen stomach to everyone in the pub. Hence the ex-friend. A mutual friend told me as she was disgusted.

The same woman was totally defined by how men saw her. Body dismorphia consumed her to ye point she couldn't help but put other females down.

And she said she was a feminist too. Me arse.

Finickynotfussy · 07/04/2014 21:53

Boudica, I'm sure you'll find someone like-minded at one of the groups, and my experience was, you don't get to interact with the other adults that much anyway due to trying to pay attention to whether DC is hungry/needs changing/is about to roll off into the corner, while trying to remember the words to whatever song it is you're supposed to be singing...also there are often one or two men who will be pleased if you talk to them. I have noticed that women at baby groups often don't speak to the (generally) only man present (DH confirms this).

sarahquilt · 07/04/2014 21:53

Being very honest, I have met both men and women who are absolutely horrible and I don't think women hating women really comes into it. Some people are just out to get others.

SoleSource · 07/04/2014 21:55

You are all BU for being women.

Grennie · 07/04/2014 21:57

My experience is that in general, both women and men judge women more harshly than men.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 07/04/2014 21:58

I much prefer working with men than women. Women at work are usually a PITA: bitchy, over bureaucratic, and cannot keep a confidence. Give me an office full of men any day.