To think women dislike women?

[ScotchBonnet1985]

I have always been under the impression that some (not all!) women dislike other females for no reason other than the fact they are women.
I had a conversation with a colleague who said she had never ever in her professional or personal life experienced that and was shocked at what I was saying.
i have spoken to DP who said that its definitely something he has come across before. Is this something people have experienced or aibu?

Apologies for the sweeping statement when in my op I said some (not all) women. I don't think all women are like this otherwise i wouldn't have any female friends and be hiding under a rock.
But this is something I have experienced as have women I know.

Of course women and men both judge women more harshly.

How many bazillion threads are there on here in which relationship problems with men are blamed either on his mother or a woman he works with etc?

When told actually it's your dh that's the problem the answer is oh he's got his head in the sand, he's too nice, but she's a bitch. And there is always support for this view.

To say 'women dislike women' is a generalisation of mid-bogglingly sweeping proportions. Perhaps some women dislike other women, in fact almost certainly some women dislike other women (just as they may dislike some men) because in life we are unlikely to like everyone we meet. I imagine you are speaking in (outrageous) general terms, however, and wondering if in general women dislike other women, presumably for reasons of jealousy or competitiveness since these are the usual reasons given. Personally I find the question a bit ridiculous because I don't think 'women dislike women' generally speaking and perhaps it is because I love speaking to other women about a huge number of things ranging from politics to nail varnish and becasue I care for the welfare of women generally. Something which makes me both sad and angry is when someone says 'all women are bitchy' or 'I'm a man's woman as they are easier to get on with' it is all so reductive as if women are a single organism like Borg all working with one mind towards the bitchy goal of proving themselves Alpha female.

If women really disliked women places like MN wouldn't exist, places created primarily for women by women, there wouldn't be women's refuge shelters, women's aid, Womankind Worldwide and so forth. On a smaller scale if women truly disliked women none of us would have female friends and I'm sure the vast majority of us here have more than one female friend.

Some PEOPLE have qualities I am not fond of, some PEOPLE make me cross but what I dislike about them has nothing whatsoever to do with gender. On a bad day if you read the wrong things you could believe that women are constantly pitted against one another in life but if you chose to look closer you could also find a large number of areas, causes and on a local scale, friendship groups where women are helping one another and being there for one another. I don't mean to disparage your OP, which I realise is posing a question for discussion but the question 'do women dislike women' is too simplified for me because while you may find low level grumbling and sniping to support this, in my opinion, there is far more evidence to the contrary.

Apologies for the sweeping statement when in my op I said some (not all) women. I don't think all women are like this otherwise i wouldn't have any female friends and be hiding under a rock.

Just to say I hadn't seen this before I posted

finicky thank you for the knd words and reassurance. My plan is to play the strong silent but polite type haha I tend to worry about latching on to the only male because the last thing I would want it for him to go home and say the ilk of "I was talking to boudica" "boudica told me" and his poor dp start thinking who is this boudica, last thing you would want if you've just given birth is to hear about what some random woman at play group is saying to your man :\

I'm a very self conscious and shy person, who really does not like to rock any boats if possible and I'm a over thinker, hence the above scenario.

I do agree that there is a conditioning in society which encourages women to be judged by very harsh standards, on everything such as appearance, physique, lifestyle decisions such as have children or not have them, whether to work or be a SAHM...
Men seem to be able just to get on with things, without a load of OTT cultural discourse.
I think things like the Daily Mail, Page 3, and magazines erode confidence and possibly build a degree of femme-to-femme resentment.

As well as being conditioned by society, I wonder how much of it is human nature? I mean it would be interesting to know how cave women viewed other cave women wouldn't it? I wonder if the more naturally beautiful ones were disliked by the rest, because they were seen as a 'threat'?

I know generally we are encouraged to believe the OP's premise but it doesn't ring true, it's women I mostly choose to be friends with, women who make me laugh the most, women who have offered me the most comfort and support during the really crap times, I've never been sexually or physically assaulted by a woman, or harassed. I feel much safer with other women probably because I am.

I just don't recognise the rutting stags female edition type competition in real life at all,

I found men more honest, if they do not like someone they tend to not pretend. Women I have found sometimes let themselves get involved in the bitching, it only takes a minority to turn the dynamics. I have found this has mellowed with age (maybe less insecurities) and the circles I chat with tend to be less gossipy. There are always exceptions and the circles you mix with varies your viewpoint. I do notice it more in the workplace. Have to say though as a SAHM the only negative comments I received where from women.

Well, I'm familiar with it insofar as it's the lazy media version of how women are, mitchy, would you not agree?

My train of thought (regarding slating of other women - celebs in particular) is because it's mostly the glamorous/slim/pretty ones that are slated on MN for their appearance.

Not so much your Adele/Clare Balding/Dawn French etc.

Nope, not something I have noticed. I come across more men who seem t hate women than I do women. In work the most vile things come out of the mouths of some men, certainly nothing like I hear from my female colleagues.

Perhaps some men, like your husband, are making massive assumptions about the women he has known or worked with?

I get on with lots of women but have heard an awful lot more twofaced-ness in the company of women than I have in the company of men.

For example, I find my female boss quite hard to get along with (though I think she is great at her job) and one of my male colleagues has said very many times that I feel like I do 'because she's a woman and you just don't like having a woman boss' but the truth is that I just don't like having a boss who can't communicate well with her staff.

LRD I agree we are encouraged to view ourselves that way

as for men being more honest and just getting on with things I wonder how our prisons fill up with so many convicted of crimes involving dishonesty or violence

men whinge about their colleagues and friends all the time, they gossip more than women too, we just don't call it that

I don't think that is paticularly common for women to dislike women but I did work with one woman who was delightful to men and to women who she didn't perceive as feminine but was absolutely vile to any woman who was attractive and/ or in a serious relationship with a man. She bullied my very attractive colleague, encouraged gossip about several others and was partly responsible for making me redundant when I was pregnant. She's the only person like that I've ever met though so it's pretty unusual.

I know quite a few women who day that they don't like women but who actually just have jobs and interests which are predominantly popular with men. When they meet women who share their values and interests they get on just fine.

Boudica, I don't think you should worry about being friends with a man at playgroup. I have a friend who I became friends with through knowing her DH from playgroup. If a man is going to playgroup, his partner will know he is likely to make female friends!

I have to say when I was younger I preferred the company of boys. it was always simpler and easier to be friends with them.
I found girls hard work - gossiping, being catty and bitchy, holding grudges,backstabbing etc and endless, boring conversations about nails and hair and makeup.....
I never disliked or hated women as a group though just didn't feel that I fitted in.
and did have some girlfriends thankfully, who were great

I have since matured and now have more friends who are women and I get on well with them - all of these relationships are not connected with work as I'm a SAHM.

make of it what you will.

And I must add I feel I have made a lot of good friends here on MN - you know who you are and I honestly say I love you all.

YY, agree with that mitchy.

90% if the unpleasant interactions I have had with adults have been with women both socially and professionally.

Sorry sisters, some of you are the salt if the earth, but the side is let down appallingly by bitchy, judgemental, gossipy members of our sex who still behave like they are 13.

As well as being conditioned by society, I wonder how much of it is human nature? I mean it would be interesting to know how cave women viewed other cave women wouldn't it? I wonder if the more naturally beautiful ones were disliked by the rest, because they were seen as a 'threat'?

I think that really would be interesting; the idea that we have a biological need to compete.

I also think it is interesting that in threads like these where people state they prefer to work with men because ... or find men more honest because ... it is conveniently forgotten that many horrible issues exist because of men. Before I am jumped upon for 'hating men' (another huge generalisation) if we are going to say women (generally) are bitchy/dishonest/unable to keep a secret we can also say that men have caused wars, must be capable of gross dishonesty because we know wars happen, are more violent and rape occurs - with alarming frequency - globally. Why then are we lumping women together for these petty misdemeanors like bitchiness and proudly stating this is why we prefer men while forgetting that men can be far from perfect too. All this 'dislike' seems oddly disproportionate to the 'crimes' women (as the homogeneous group that they clearly are ) are guilty of. Surely if we can lump all women together like that we can do the same for men and what then?

Why are people lumping together an entire gender in this way and claiming they 'prefer' men, do you really judge on gender-based face-value in your daily lives?

Bizarre.

I don't know, can only answer personally when I say on the whole I prefer the company of women to men.

that just sounds like human nature to me, 'people can be horrible' in complete non-shocker headline news

Boudica, are you me? The girl friends I have are great but I struggle so much around women. I can't tell you how nervous I get. Men I'm comfortable around. This only worsens my response from women.

I think pp hit it spot on about women's looks and competing with other women. Simple but true.

I think I have the reverse problem! I much prefer socialising with and working with women. I think they like me too.

I have met a couple of women who admit they are not girls girls and prefer men, but not many.

There are a few people I dislike, both sexes, but they are mostly men.