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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women dislike women?

94 replies

ScotchBonnet1985 · 07/04/2014 21:07

I have always been under the impression that some (not all!) women dislike other females for no reason other than the fact they are women.
I had a conversation with a colleague who said she had never ever in her professional or personal life experienced that and was shocked at what I was saying.
i have spoken to DP who said that its definitely something he has come across before. Is this something people have experienced or aibu?

OP posts:
NurseyWursey · 08/04/2014 09:29

When I was thin and pretty I used to get dirty looks all the time from women. Really vile looks and sometimes nasty comments. Low and behold I'm not fat and they've stopped.

NurseyWursey · 08/04/2014 09:29

Now*

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 08/04/2014 09:29

Yabu

Original poster
ScotchBonnet1985 · 08/04/2014 09:33

Mitchy yes I definitely am odd. And it has nothing to do with physical appearance (certainly not in my case!).

LRD I have more female friends but do have a few close male friends. I like to think I treat everyone the same and certainly wouldn't dislike someone because they were female.

I find this fascinating so thank you all for responding. It seems that I have a complete misconception when it is only few women who are like this.

Thank you MN for reinstilling my faith in females x

OP posts:
Guineapig99 · 08/04/2014 09:34

Have to say I've managed to avoid this in the workplace until recently and now work with an awful woman who subtly undermines every woman in work while arse kissing most of the men in our team - at least publicly. Then she has the cheek to talk how she thinks females bosses are awful compared to men etc
To be fair to her she is a bit of a miserable cow who slags off everyone and everything about our work when in private conversation so a bit more equal opportunity there!
She's particulary hard on the working mums who have younger kids and flexible hrs ( the men who do this are angels obvs ) cos she was a stay at home mum till her kids were older and the rich hubby ran off with the PA forcing her back into the workforce.

Mitchy1nge · 08/04/2014 09:34

lucky me to be too fat and ugly for dirty looks Grin

would really like to know more about how OP formed this opinion and if she has any friends who are women, and how her friends feel about the fact that she worries they secretly or openly hate her etc

Mitchy1nge · 08/04/2014 09:38

oh there you are OP :)

I have a very few male friends too, excessively fond of them as I am of anyone who can tolerate my chat for long, and I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters so quite a good balance growing up

Fleta · 08/04/2014 09:40

I think above all women judge themselves harsher than anyone

Nataleejah · 08/04/2014 09:40

A theory from sociology class. Men are hierarchical, women are egalitarian. Men willingly accept leadership, structure and rules. Women resent anyone being "better", they only accept the rules that suit them.
There was an observation of boys and girls playing a sporty game. Boys play until they get tired, girls play until they fall out.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/04/2014 10:18

Social conditioning plus a heavy dose of sexism in that class, then.

youmultiplememurderer · 08/04/2014 11:06

I've been thin and pretty(ish), and now podgy and haggard (!), and have noticed no difference in how women treat me. 99% of interactions are positive or neutral.

Almost universally, I see women getting along well. Just the occasional comment on appearance thrown in, such as MIL once telling me "Dawn French has put weight on again" Confused , but that's very rare.

Unless I'm being naive, women generally rub along together very well.

TheArticFunky · 08/04/2014 11:27

Until social media I thought that women were bitchier than men now I know otherwise.

A lot of people have a close circle who they are very loyal to and if you are not part of that circle they can be jealous and bitchy of others success and achievements.

I'm not bitchy or nasty and dh isn't either. I remember once I was in a cafe at soft play with a group of mums some of whom were friends and some were people who I knew through friends. One of the women who I vaguely knew started criticising a random woman's appearance and everyone joined in. I walked away for a bit and when I returned I read my book and had a coffee at a table on my own. When my friend asked why I wasn't sitting with them I explained that I was embarrassed by their behaviour. I can't join in with bitchy behaviour and I never have been able to however I know that people perceive me to be a bit of an oddball because of this.

DubBgoodToMe · 08/04/2014 11:32

ArticFunky, I wish more people were like that.

Don't get me wrong, I bitch but I have a mantra that is to not say anything about a person that I wouldn't say to their face or that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if they were to find out.

blanchedeveraux · 08/04/2014 11:35

I just respond to the person, not the gender. I'm not a "girly" woman though, I hate shopping, handbags, chick lit, romantic films and George Clooney so I probably have more contact with "blokey" type women if that makes sense?

JeDeLo · 08/04/2014 11:43

I'm the opposite, I automatically like women when I meet them, and really cherish the female friendships I have and I love forging new friendships with women. However, I've definitely met some women along the way who have been instantly hostile/frosty towards me without knowing anything about me, which always perplexes me - but I just avoid these types. Women are wonderful but strange and complex creatures.

Callani · 08/04/2014 12:52

I think men and women can be just as bad as each other.

The problem is, when a man is mysogynistic and you mention to someone that he has a problem with you because you're a woman, then other people notice it and agree that it's unacceptable; when you say the same thing about a female colleague you get dismissed as being catty or oversensitive.

FWIW I've found both attitudes equally difficult to work with, but in my workplace I've only come across 2 women who were like this and many men who are happy to dismiss the ideas of a "little woman" which I've found far more insidious (and usually the quietly held opinions too...)

Callani · 08/04/2014 12:53

Oh and both men and women can be bitchy - I thought my Mum was bad until I heard my Dad talking to his friends! Both as bad as each other!!!

MyBaby1day · 10/04/2014 04:27

I think some are like this but not all. I really like some women and can't stand some men. I really like some men and can't stand some women. Good and bad in everything I reckon!.

NotNewButNameChanged · 10/04/2014 08:44

I'm a man with a female best friend and some other close female friends (none of whom have ever been more than that, ever). They were the first people I introduced my last ex-partner too. They were all around before she was. But she took against some of them, especially my best friend, and would continually make comments about my "going off with one of them". She would actively try to prevent me doing things with any of these friends unless she was present.

Weirdly, none of the male other halves of my friends (as none of them were single) had any problems with them having me as a best or close friend. I have had a previous girlfriend who had a male best friend. Did it worry me? Not one bit.

Does that say something about women's feelings towards other women? Dunno, it's just my experience.

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