To think women dislike women?

[ScotchBonnet1985]

I have always been under the impression that some (not all!) women dislike other females for no reason other than the fact they are women.
I had a conversation with a colleague who said she had never ever in her professional or personal life experienced that and was shocked at what I was saying.
i have spoken to DP who said that its definitely something he has come across before. Is this something people have experienced or aibu?

that human nature thing was to comet, I missed lots of posts

I don't think it is human nature to decide that women not being nice is a Terrible Thing but men not being nice is Still A Better Thing Somehow

I've been sitting here thinking and I honestly don't think I have a preference for either.

I have a preference for a certain type of person...and that's generally friendly, warm, non judgemental people who don't take themselves too seriously and aren't prone to drama.

Over the years, I've found that in both male and females in fairly equal measures.

so, OP, do you owe this impression of yours to lazy media as a previous poster suggested? If not, where do you think it came from?

I think some women are more emotionally invested when it comes to viewing other people. A lot of threads on here focus on friends upsetting each other, and falling out. The women in RL who I have found to be bitchy are like that because they seem to see other women as friends or enemies - not much in between.

In my personal life I have great male and female friends with whom I get along very well (a small, but good and close social circle).

At work it's a very different story.

Can't say too much without outing (thread combo not this one exclusively) but I have a very senior position at work. Get on with male peers at work fine.

I have had a number of female peers (few admittedly - it's a male dominated industry) and tbh it's largely been very difficult.

Most are trying to "break the glass ceiling" and happy to trash anyone (male or female) in their way.

Others have an angst about "setting an example" and quite frankly burn out.

Have been lucky in the last 2 years to peer with a woman who just wants to do her job and is confident doing it and we get on great.

I would love some more female colleagues but in my field - and at my age/seniority - it's unlikely.

I have a recently recruited female peer right now who is - frankly - a challenge. It's not a personality thing. I would quite happily spend a weekend in her company as long as work discussion would be banned!

Upshot is she (at work) behaves in a highly controlling manner that's not helpful or constructive.

In dealing with her I have been accused of "being green eyed" of her success (only by male colleagues). I'm not. I just don't like her work approach.

If we were not both female this would not be an issue. Sad that it is....

I have been bullied at school by girls and have had the same problem with female bosses. I know not every woman in am position of authority is that bad, but I have only been stabbed in the back by other women, not by men. I just think women have a more emotional view, whereas men just get on with it unless they perceive someone to be a threat at work or whatever.

I haven't come across this, infact quite the oppoosite.
I have been in situations when strangers have complimented me on various things such as a dress I am wearing, always women.

I work with predominantly women and have never encountered it there either.

It was more bitchy when I worked in a mixed environment, but the job was of a competitive nature so perhaps that had more impact.

I really don't get this attitude of getting on better with men, find a woman who shares the same interests as you.

I find men a struggle. I'm basically nervous of them and am not 'myself' around them. I wish it weren't this way as I can see that lots of the men around me are sparky and interesting people.

I work mainly in female-led and female-heavy teams and always have done. I much prefer it this way on the whole. Whenever I have had a male manager, which admittedly hasn't been for a while, there was for some years always a father/daughter type vibe which I loathed but couldn't seem to get out of, and I then had a very disturbing crush on one manager which was hugely inconvenient though thank goodness we were mostly in contact by email.

Fundamentally I love women. I dearly miss my work colleagues if I don't see them for a couple of days . I adore my old friends and love my new ones. The women I know make relationships easy, they are so open and so completely committed to their families, work and lives, but they are willing to try the weird stuff I like doing, which no man has ever wanted to do. I don't know a single woman without many interesting strands and stories to her life. My work is with very elderly women and they can make me laugh so much but I also feel so tender towards them. I feel the same towards my elderly male clients, but it can be so hard to get them to talk at all - if I'm not careful I end up putting words into their mouths - very dangerous. I haven't 'cracked' how to get men to open up in the same way. Maybe one day I will.

I think a lot of women are very competitive and often take an instant dislike to someone who is prettier or wealthier etc without even getting to know them. It often seems that the more 'successful' a woman is, the less likely she is to be accepted by a group.

I think a minority of women dislike other women. When I come across women like that I'm very wary of them because I don't understand them. My bils ex girlfriend was very cold towards me and told me it wasn't personal she just disliked women in general. I burst out laughing it was so ludicrous. After that we actually bonded got on quite well.

are you sure about that? The loners don't tend to be the richest and prettiest, at least not at school or socially

I much prefer working with men than women. Women at work are usually a PITA: bitchy, over bureaucratic, and cannot keep a confidence. Give me an office full of men any day

I've worked in female dominated workplaces all my life, and have never found this to be the case. My current job is as one of 11 people - all female and you couldn't hope to meet a nice team to work with.
Even with the slight retraction in the OP, I think YABU to make such a sweeping generalisation.
Not my experience of life at all.

Mitchy I don't owe it to lazy media. It could be a number of things. An example would be a work colleague who treats the women with disdain but lavishes praise on the men. I'm sure we've all walked into a pub where you've been looked up and down by a judgemental woman. It may be because women can be bitchy (maybe not just to women, and I know I have my off days!) and you remember that sting. I'm trying to establish whether other people feel the same.
I was like this when I was younger and less secure in myself which is why I feel qualified to ask! I appreciate most of you don't feel this way towards women but have you felt that you have been disliked by a woman for no reason?

you sound odd

but honestly no, the people who have made me feel uncomfortable (and worse) in pubs and clubs have all been men

maybe am not physically attractive enough to attract what you describe, does it happen to you a lot? Are all your friends men?

I do find that I bond with women through what Deborah Tannen calls 'problem talk' and some women feel no need to engage with that. Their prerogative.

scotch, have you ever noticed any negative attention from men?

Sorry, I'm going to be terribly boring.

1 in 4 women is the victim of rape or sexual assault. On average, 1-2 women are killed every week by a partner or ex. The gender pay gap is increasing.

So yes, of course occasionally I've felt disliked by a woman for no reason. Just as I've felt disliked by men for no reason. I've also felt disliked by women for reasons that were perfectly obvious and had to do with inherent sexism. But it's difficult to see why this is a big issue when we're all being fucked over on a much bigger scale, isn't it?

You often see cases of women distancing themselves from other women, saying things like 'Oh, I prefer to spend time with men because I like sports/video games/beer and women just talk about make up/men/babies.' The 'unique snowflake' act.

This particularly bugs me because it is so untrue. Maybe it is a generational thing, but my group of (mixed sex) friends talk about pretty much exactly the same things, whether male or female. While we don't all enjoy exactly the same things, our interests vary depending on personality not gender.

I wonder if it also has something to do with early influences, such as family/schooling? I grew up with two sisters, and thinking about it, most of my friends either had the same, or a close to even mix. The only close friend I had that grew up with brothers definitely exhibits that 'I'm not like other girls and their silly girly interests,' mentality. Similarly I suppose being educated in a single sex environment might suggest that your sex are 'direct competition' in a way that mixed sex schooling doesn't?

Most of my jobs have been with a female majority, and I've never had a problem with bitchiness.

I went to an all-girls' school and feel that's one of the reasons why I like being with women so much and unfortunately why I'm less comfortable with men. Certainly never saw my classmates as competition.

I don't think I've ever met an actual women women-hater.

Tbh I'm one of those people that just never seems to relate to large groups of women (am fine one on one and I do have some lovely female friends).

I wish I could meet more "tomboys" if we're not too old to be referred to as so. I d

I've been thinking a lot about this post and what I've come up with is this.

I work in a male led office environment. My boss is the bitchiest man I've ever come across. Other than that we get on great. There are two other women here. One who is generally nice but she is always right and she is in control (she's only admin but makes out she runs the place) I get on well with her. The other is butch. She acts like a man thinking this will mean she gets her way. I don't think we should try to be like men. That does women a huge disservice. I don't get on well with her. She doesn't like me. She makes me very nervous.

At UNi, I always hung around with the boys. Every so often there'd be girls. The ones like me I got on great with. Most, I went into a shell and barely spoke to them. It was only once I got a serious boyfriend that I felt in should be socialising with girls more and I did quite well at it. It took a while tho.

I'm much better now but even I I walk down the street and see a group of girls, I get really nervous that they are all judging me. It's pathetic really.

I do have very low self esteem tho. I'm working on that too.

I think one on one, women are fine and will have no issues but say you have a work environment or lots of women together, that changes.

You can't generalise tho. I've recently been 'taken in' by a great group of girls. I'm sure everyone is as nice as them but you don't see it if you already put your guard up...

I really feel quite sad that so many women have internalised such hateful misogyny. I've heard it said that as a woman, the most radical thing you can do is like other women, and on the strength of this thread, it may be true.

Personally, I've met lovely women and women I didn't really like, but the same for men. I tend to prefer women, as a rule, but that's because my experience of men is that their friendship, if offered, tends to have ulterior motives.

In any event, I think society brings a microscope to the failings of women, and a reverse telescope to the failings of men. When people talk about women gossiping or being bitchy, they somehow fail to mention backstabbing and aggressive "bants", for example.

bluesbaby

Here I am!
I'm almost 40 but still a tomboy! (-ish)

yes women are held to an absurdly higher standard aren't they, so the traits of successful men are tolerated or even admired but in women they are given very different, disparaging names

so would not be surprised to find some extra tensions in some workplaces sometimes (although I would be surprised to find myself in an actual workplace)

Sorry op what utter bollocks.

I like people as people. Couldn't care less if they have dangly bits or not.