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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by 'best boy', favouritism?

103 replies

Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 09:32

I probably am but please don't flame me.

There's a little boy in ds class, also happens to be one of ds' best mates. They're all 5/6.

Part of the reason I'm irritated is because ds has got it into his head that this boy is not only 'the best', but 'better' than him, and also the boss of him (his words). I have tried my best to quash this by explaining that nobody is better and praising ds for his good qualities.

This boy seems to have starring role in everything, he is mentioned almost weekly in the newsletter for some award, prize or another. I've actually seen teachers fussing over him as he leaves for the day, ruffling his hair saying how cute he is and one teacher said she'd like to eat him up. Another example literally chasing him down the path as he comes out loaded with his things and fussing over him, several other children came out loaded up and dropping things and were ignored.

This boy is always the one in assembly giving teachers leaving presents and things like that.

On report week several of the parents compared reports at a party (not me), and this boys was over and above the rest, everyone else's child got a paragraph he got a page about how wonderful he and his family are, there was a paragraph just about his parents. He also scored above average in areas where other children scored average, even though many were all on the same reading level.

The mother is queen bee alpha type.

I think it only bothers me so much because it feels as though ds is one of child geniuses minions. I've witnessed and heard several things such as this boy kicking mud over ds trousers but he never seems to be reprimanded where other children would be, which reinforces the good/bad.

Do I need to get over myself?

OP posts:
deakymom · 07/04/2014 09:39

probably but with my first it used to wind me up now i have three (two in school) i'm more relaxed i remind myself that the girl in my year who was super smart sporty everyones fav turned into a crack whore and lost her kids school just isn't an indicator of real life xx

deakymom · 07/04/2014 09:41

just seen the bit about him being this boys minion this does need to be flagged at school not with the teacher if they are sooooo into him maybe a receptionist or deputy head someone who has never met him

LordEmsworth · 07/04/2014 09:42

There was a paragraph in his report about how fantastic his parents are???

That's just odd.

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 09:45

It was something along the lines of;

'X has a wonderful home life, it is clear to see that X's parents and extended family support him in every aspect of school life and this shines through in school, I would like to think X family for this'.

It really was cringy.

OP posts:
Feminine · 07/04/2014 09:48

Is it a private school? :)

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 09:48

Which is probably fair enough, bit of a kick in the teeth to all the other parents who also support their children with everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 09:49

No not private, although church school.

OP posts:
Yama · 07/04/2014 09:49

There is a 'Best Boy' in dd's class. The are in P4 now and he is still chosen for everything. It does him no favours. He really can't handle not winning. Not nice to be the subject of resentment either.

minibmw2010 · 07/04/2014 09:53

Is his mother really involved in the church attached to the school? I ask this because I went to a catholic school (in rural Ireland) and unless your mother was friends/involved with the local headmistress and in favour you were treated like dirt basically, but if your mother was 'in' then oh my god you were the highest of the high ....

PeaceLillyDoge · 07/04/2014 09:53

Agree with deakymom, Best mentioned at school re minion status but essentially will have no bearing on later life so try not to worry too much. I too went to primary school with someone like this and was part of their gang. To be honest I think we were all just a nice bunch of friends and accepted it.

The mud kicking and parental favoritism is odd though and worth discussing with the school.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 07/04/2014 09:59

There's a girl like this in DS1's year. They're in year 8 now so she's been top dog for quite some time.

She's a hateful child. Her whole demeanour is "I'm so much cleverer, better, prettier than everyone else" yet the teachers all seem to think the sun shines out of her arse. I don't get it.

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:02

I'm not too sure if she's involved with the school, but re the religion the family aren't of the religion so not that.

I'd like to perhaps address ds friendship group to make sure he is also playing with the meer mortals.

This may out me but ds is in a class with just 8 boys, and some were already paired off from nursery, a couple are really naughty and that leaves best boy and his followers.

Ds does like to play with girls will mention lots he likes but I get the impression they'll play for a bit but then group off as the girls.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:06

This little boy is ok. A bit one dimensional, clings to his mother and father at parties, seems a little spoilt, probably very quiet so gives the teachers an easy life.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/04/2014 10:06

The paragraph about his parents (in his school report!!) is fucking creepy Hmm. Is it down to just one teacher, who may be friends with the family outside school (it's still unprofessional, tbh), or is it across the board?

sebsmummy1 · 07/04/2014 10:08

If it were me I would me making sure my son was excelling elsewhere away from school. Does he have an extra curricular stuff going on that he is good at?

ConferencePear · 07/04/2014 10:13

There's something rather odd and 'not quite naice' about this. Has he recently recovered from a serious illness. I would be wanting to have a word with a parent governor about this.

PickleMyster · 07/04/2014 10:13

Your post has just transported me back 30 years. In my school it was a girl who was "best girl" - getting picked for all the good things, always being team leader, if a member of staff needed help with something she would always get picked (even though there were many children volunteering to help). She was actually a really nice child but no one else got a look in. When we had our leavers assembly, she won the trophy for being the most willing, helping, kind etc -you get the gist. As she won the award I remember looking at a few of the parents who had come to watch, quite a few stony faces, eyes rolling etc. It was well known amongst the kids and parents that she was "best girl" and the resentment was building. I would love to go back and ask my ex teachers what was going on, why did she get picked all the time?

My advice to you would be keep doing things to boost your DS's confidence and identifying his strengths. Try to encourage him to play with other children, maybe try to arrange playdates with other kids etc. I think if you see him doing/saying not nice things to your DS I'd be inclined to bollock him right there and then. (But then I can be a bit gobby)

I was talking to my mum about her a few months ago and my mum said that her mum was definitely the queen bee at the school gates, and quite "in" with all the teachers - which probably explains why she was the chosen one, but I do remember when we went onto secondary school the teachers treated her pretty much like the rest of us - probably because her mum wasn't as "in" with all the teachers there.

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:13

The teacher last year seemed to generally have it in for the boys apart from this one, although I'd say ds was second, the others seemed to be constantly being called in over minor things. I never took to that teacher and my mum and dp felt the same.

This teacher is lovely, but it was her who came out fussing over the boy with his things, it was just bizarre, it was last day if term so they all had PE kits, various pictures, jumpers in arms.

She literally chased him saying 'ooh X let me help you with your heavy things', then started chatting to boys mother about all the things he was bringing home.

Ds and another girl came out straight after and dropped some if their stuff and were ignored.

So I guess it's across the board, perhaps they can't all be wrong.

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 07/04/2014 10:14

PickleMyster, how did that girl get on in secondary, not being so favoured?

TheGirlFromIpanema · 07/04/2014 10:15

You seem overly invested in another child tbh.

I am frankly astonished don't believe a word of it at the sharing of reports and the gushing over him by teachers.

Are you a jealous? You are coming across hat way Hmm

Lemongrab · 07/04/2014 10:15

I would try not to worry too much. I would just worry about your son and his education and happiness. Encourage his other friendships (boys and girls) and keep doing what you're doing; helping him at home, encouraging him and being the good parent you know you are. I'm of the mind that as long as my children are happy and working well at school, I couldn't care less about other children's friendships, progress or social status.

Just because this little boy is the bees knees now, it doesn't mean he will be later on in life when school is over. The poor child's parents could just be setting him up for a fall when he enters the real world.

pictish · 07/04/2014 10:18

Why are you even bothered?
Do other parents feel like their child is his minion?

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:20

Well I'm glad I'm not totally bonkers.

Ds does out of school things like swimming and dance, although he's just taken a knock at swimming. Most of his group moved up and he had to stayed because he's not quite there yet.

He will definitely move up next time and he's come really far and I've pointed out all the things he CAN now do, but he's not seeing it now.

OP posts:
PickleMyster · 07/04/2014 10:20

If you do want to take thing further with the school, might be worth keeping a diary comparing how many times he gets mentioned/picked for things compared to the other children and maybe take it up with head teacher/governors.

Hopefully in September your son will get a teacher who is more balanced about things. Also find it very creepy and unprofessional that a teacher would say she wants to eat him up Hmm at the teacher.

thebody · 07/04/2014 10:24

Gosh where are you?

8 in the class? Did I get that right? I would feel that was a huge disadvantage to a child.

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