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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by 'best boy', favouritism?

103 replies

Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 09:32

I probably am but please don't flame me.

There's a little boy in ds class, also happens to be one of ds' best mates. They're all 5/6.

Part of the reason I'm irritated is because ds has got it into his head that this boy is not only 'the best', but 'better' than him, and also the boss of him (his words). I have tried my best to quash this by explaining that nobody is better and praising ds for his good qualities.

This boy seems to have starring role in everything, he is mentioned almost weekly in the newsletter for some award, prize or another. I've actually seen teachers fussing over him as he leaves for the day, ruffling his hair saying how cute he is and one teacher said she'd like to eat him up. Another example literally chasing him down the path as he comes out loaded with his things and fussing over him, several other children came out loaded up and dropping things and were ignored.

This boy is always the one in assembly giving teachers leaving presents and things like that.

On report week several of the parents compared reports at a party (not me), and this boys was over and above the rest, everyone else's child got a paragraph he got a page about how wonderful he and his family are, there was a paragraph just about his parents. He also scored above average in areas where other children scored average, even though many were all on the same reading level.

The mother is queen bee alpha type.

I think it only bothers me so much because it feels as though ds is one of child geniuses minions. I've witnessed and heard several things such as this boy kicking mud over ds trousers but he never seems to be reprimanded where other children would be, which reinforces the good/bad.

Do I need to get over myself?

OP posts:
NeonMuffin · 07/04/2014 10:28

I don't have any advice, but there was a girl exactly like this in my class right through primary school. She was always the teachers favourite and they never made any effort to hide it, she also got the starring role in everything and was singled out for praise by the teachers constantly. She wasn't anywhere near the cleverest child but the rest of us were always being told how wonderful she was.

It probably had a lot to do with her dad being a governor and her mum being one of these parents who's always on hand offering "help". Funnily enough she was always bringing presents in for teachers as well, which was down to her parents and not her obviously but it made her look like a right brown noser. I remember how she always offered to help the teachers and tidy up for them, urghh.

I will say that she came down to earth with a bump when we went up to high school because she suddenly stopped being the teachers pet and I know for a fact she struggled to deal with that.

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:29

I'm honestly not just saying these things, why on earth would I?

I think I'm bothered because I'm noticing it more and more, it's not just me as even dp grins every time he reads a newsletter and says 'surprise, surprise', x mentioned here again.

I really don't know what other parents think as I'd never say these things in rl, a couple of parents were miffed that their children had been scored as average on reading when at the same level book as x and one even asked the teacher who apparently said it was a typo.

I think the tipping point is ds coming home saying that x is the boss of him and x gets to choose all of the games.

I'm absolutely not jealous of the child, who would be, we all think our own children are the bees knees. I am miffed, if not jealous of the attention x seems to get, I'd like to see it spread out more.

OP posts:
PickleMyster · 07/04/2014 10:30

mini from what I can remember she coped with it okay, but like I said she was actually a really nice girl. In primary school she was always academically more able and that did continue through secondary school. I think she just got her head down and carried on studying. To be fair to her she has done very well for herself, and respect to her for that, BUT she will always be "best girl"

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:32

Yes 8 boys, 21 girls and one place available.

One boy has left.

OP posts:
Xfirefly · 07/04/2014 10:33

I had one of these in year 6 ...he was the golden boy. I didn't mind though as I sat next to him so when teachers were picking people to do an activity or having a treat they would pick him and that meant I did it too Smile. it was unfair on the rest of the group though.

my mum once called the HT out for favouring one girl at a swimming gala. we had done different events but won the same amount of races but she got a 'best girl' trophy and I didn't anything. It was just because she was part of a swimming group and her parents owned a well known local business. The girl was taken down a peg in secondary school and failed GCSEs etc Grin ...shouldnt laugh but she was horrid to me

TheLadyRadishes · 07/04/2014 10:33

Maybe the parents are really difficult behind closed doors and would kick up a fuss if they don't get special treatment?

It would annoy me because I think it is part of primary school's job to teach children that they are all of equal worth and all get a turn etc - our school certainly tried hard with this. It;s sending a terrible message to all the kids including the boy himself.

NeonMuffin · 07/04/2014 10:42

What I will say about the "best girl" at my school is that it was a school in a village where everyone knew everyone else. "Best girl" was the youngest of a large family and all her siblings had gone through the school, many of the teachers had been there a long time so had taught all of her siblings and of course knew the family well. I on the other hand was the eldest child in my family and my parents came from another part of town, they had no prior connections with the school.

I've worked with kids and yes you do take to some more than others, just as you would with fellow adults but you need to remain impartial and not let it show. It's unprofessional to have favourites.

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:43

I'm not sure, I know they didn't want him to go to that school and it wasn't on their list of choices.

OP posts:
Feminine · 07/04/2014 10:51

Our youngest attend a Church school too op

It happens here too...

I'm surprised some of the teachers are so obvious actually.

In your case, I'd just bide my time. It is very difficult to un-do a complaint once it is out in the open...You (like me) would make life much more tricky (for your family) in the coming years!

But YANBU. I'd say that those few 'non-believers' on this thread...need to see it ...it doeshappen. Shocking but true.

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:54

Something else that they do at school that I find strange.

There is one male teacher, he is the only male member of staff, not in any position of extra responsibility just a year 4 teacher.

Yet they use him as a reward and punishment, if you're naughty I'll send you to Mr J, Mr J gives out the awards in assembly. One boy was having a few issues in reception and the mother told me that Mr J had had words with him. All a bit strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 10:56

Thanks Feminine, I can accept if I should perhaps just get over myself but I'm definitely not making it up or imagining it.

It's clear as day.

OP posts:
blanchedeveraux · 07/04/2014 10:58

It's not the wee boy's fault, it's the school's. Don't take your jealousy and irritation on a child who has no control over the way adults respond to him.

The school sounds awful, why would you send your child there if you have so many issues with it?

TheEmpress · 07/04/2014 10:58

Just remember it's not the child's fault. (Although this will not do him any good in the long run Sad)

TheEmpress · 07/04/2014 10:59

X-post. But that is exactly what I was trying to say.

thebody · 07/04/2014 10:59

Ok op sorry thought you meant just 8 in a class.

I teach in a church school and this is ridiculous.

I remember golden children at my old school in the 70s but that's how things were then. Now I am flabbergasted.

I do t know what you can do but seriously this is not the same in most other schools church or not.

We take infinite pains to not have favourites as it's so bloody unprofessional and unfair.

Every child should have a fair crack of the whip.

thebody · 07/04/2014 11:00

I would be looking for another school.

They sound very unprofessional.

TheEmpress · 07/04/2014 11:03

Are you going to bring it up with the school?

Remember the boy doesn't ask to be in the newsletter.

Original poster
Imdefinitelynotunreasonable · 07/04/2014 11:04

No of course it's not the boys fault, and in the times he's been in my presence I've been nothing but kind to him as I would be to any child.

Regarding the school in general, ds is doing well there, he is acheiving as he should be, his teachers have had lots of good things to say about him.

I'm not going to change schools based on favouritism, I could move him and it could happen again, or there could be other things.

OP posts:
blanchedeveraux · 07/04/2014 11:05

Well, sounds like you're having a moan for the sake of it then and you do sound bitter and jealous.

WingDefence · 07/04/2014 11:07

What's wrong with just 8 in a class? The village school here has 5 in reception this year (expecting 10+ next year) and then the years are put together to make larger classes further up the school e.g. Yrs 1 & 2, Yrs 3 & 4, Yrs 5 & 6 are all together.

This is the case in many rural schools. In fact one school near here has 16 in the whole school. Means the children get excellent 1:1 teaching.

Pros and cons to everything.

Floggingmolly · 07/04/2014 11:07

Do you really, Blanche? I'd be creeped out by it, personally, it sounds bloody awful.

WingDefence · 07/04/2014 11:09

Sorry to go off topic OP.

I can't think of much else to add to the above, apart from perhaps arrange play dates and try to foster stronger friendships with the other children?

(As it's been said above, it's not the other boy's fault of course that he's been singled out like this.)

TheLadyRadishes · 07/04/2014 11:10

Totally don't agree Blanche! OP doesn't sound jealous, she sounds concerned that her own DS is being taken in by this boy's "special" status and seeing himself as less worthy. It is totally fine to moan/air concerns to see if other people agree or if you're being daft.

Anyway as several of us have said it is not good for the golden child himself either, so why would anyone be jealous? I'd hate it if my child was treated like this.

blanchedeveraux · 07/04/2014 11:11

Do I really what Floggingmolly? The OP has come on complaining quite vocierously, not only about the favouritism shown towards one child by the school but the way they've inflated the influence of one male teacher yet she doesn't feel the need to remove her child from the school as he's doing well there. So what's the point of the post other than to slate a child that has no control over the situation the school have put him in?

thebody · 07/04/2014 11:11

Well if your sons doing well and the teachers are saying good things to him too I can't really see your problem here.

Wing wasn't criticising small class sizes per se just thinking that if the school is so focused on one child it would magnify it.

However op days her lad is happy and doing well so can't really see