there is way too much pressure to EBF?

[ArtFine]

Just that really.

I've had a difficult journey with BF, and when I look back I know it would have been better and much more healthier for my baby (forget me) if I hadn't breastfed. She has CMPA and other allergies (and had awful silent reflux etc), and this would have been picked up very early on had she been bottle fed, and saved her a lot of pain and tears.

Why is there so much pressure to EBF? Why is it always assumed that breast milk is THE best?

What's the harm for example in giving one bottle of formula per day so that babies get used to the bottle?

Writer I never had any problems expressing or bf before. The day my milk came in this time I expressed 14 on its just gone down and down. I think the problem is, with dd not actually feeding there's no real letdown and the hormones just aren't doing their thing.
I have high hopes though. I am very well supported and am convinced that eventually, even if we have to wait till after her surgery, as long. as the milk lasts out, we WILL get her attached.

Great positive attitude saggy!

My friend had a baby a few months ago and due to some health problems the baby had it wasn't possible for her to attach to the breast and feed effectively. My friend was offered bottles of formula but she refused and instead started expressing and fed her baby via a Doidy Cup - she was adamant that at some point her baby would be well enough to attach and so didn't want her getting used to drinking from a teat.

Her perseverance paid off as 5 weeks later the baby was healthy enough to latch on and my friend was able to establish breast feeding. I was really impressed as I had always been under the impression that if BF isn't established from Day 1 then it isn't a skill that a baby can learn weeks down the line.

I hope you have just as much success as my friend did

The science - of course if breastfeeding makes you miserable you could also try to find out way and see if there's any way of happily resolving it and continuing breastfeeding.

Sheesh - imagine some ff mum whose baby wasn't settled on bottles just casually being told not to bother to try to sort it out but to just relactate instead...

Not exactly the same thing is it

If you don't like something, it's uncomfortable, you hate it, it stops you enjoying your baby, you want to stop for your sanity and there is a perfectly adequate alternative available, then stop. No one is giving out medals for suffering.

Science - stop IF YOU WANT TO STOP.

Many women who are struggling with breastfeeding don't want to stop or to bottlefeed. They want to continue to breastfeed comfortably, and for most this is possible.

Breastfeeding struuggles are always seen to be a problem with the feeding method. Ff problems which tend to manifest themselves in a baby being sick, constipated, unsettled or unsatisfied with their milk tend to be seen as 'problems with the baby' rather than with the feeding method. If you read threads like this you'd be left assuming that ff is a perfect and trouble free way of feeding a baby. It's not.

Too much promotion, not enough support.

^ THIS from stargirl.

IME as soon as you hit problems your on your own.

I have to say I experienced oppose it OP family and friends even HCP on at me like mad to stop BF as soon as possible. Every issues was because I was still bf. The constant pressure was beyond annoying and didn't really stop till I nearly finished with third DC - then many of course had always been pro bf .

I had friend who ff because of medication and underlying conditions and they got grief for not bf even from HV and MW who should have know better.

Does seem to be another way of beating up on new mothers what every they do.

I was pressurised to bf by the midwives. I was told they don't support 'artificial feeding. One midwife told me you could tell breastfed babies because they 'purred with contentment' and you 'could just tell the type of mother who breastfed'. It was huge pressure to bf my daughter, who had horrendous reflux and colic. She was screaming all the time.... Not purring. I also felt pressure to bf from friends. I did manage to bf for three months before switching to ff (which I felt guilty for). I personally feel there is enormous pressure to bf and it's getting worse in fact. Formula can be a wonderful thing when needed, even if bm is still 'best'.

Personally I think YABU. I don't think there is a huge amount of pressure to BF at all. I think there should be a lot more BF support, but I think the biggest amount of pressure comes from oneself, in wanting desperately to do what one feels is the best for your child. But this in itself is only a small % of mums. A larger % don't feel any pressure to BF at all (and they want the best for their child too, I might add).

Writer we are trying breast and bottle. I have a special needs feeder. cost £25!! As Lucy's suck is so rubbish we are working on sucking ANYTHING. I'd love to get rid of the tube.

thescience now that DD is 4 I can see that "If you don't like something, it's uncomfortable, you hate it, it stops you enjoying your baby, you want to stop for your sanity and there is a perfectly adequate alternative available, then stop. No one is giving out medals for suffering." makes perfect sense.

When I was a first time mum desperate to "do the best" for my baby, desperate to "do it by the book" and follow all the advice I had been given it wasn't nearly so easy.

Not to mention the physical challenge of trying to stop - everytime I tried to drop a feed I got mastitis. If you search on here you'll find my "I HATE BREASTFEEDING" thread where despite my best efforts I couldn't get away from it without it making me even more ill.

Just stop = easier said than done.

I wouldn't say I felt any pressure to bf until dd was in hospital a week old due to failure to thrive. She had tongue tie and couldn't feed. I remember her screaming while I was trying to express as we could only feed her with a syringe. I would try to latch her everytime a feed was due but had little support. The midwife on duty took her, leaving me sobbing trying to express whilst extremely sore. The last night we were in a lovely midwife Louise took one look at me and offered a bottle of formula. She supported me whilst everyone else made me feel so terrible I wanted to walk out the hospital and leave dd there. It was a horrendous experience, I had no support whatsoever. Wish there was more support, would have felt less of a failure if I had. Also everyone was very quick to list the positives of bf, you lose weight, it's natural and best for baby etc. Yet no one told me the truth, I didn't expect it to hurt, didn't know about tongue tie. I expected because it was such a natural thing that there wouldn't be too many problems.

I never felt pressure one way or the other. I struggled with his latch initially and stayed in the hospital two days to get it right - the midwife offered to give him a bit of formula whilst I was struggling which I gladly accepted. It still wasn't perfect when I got home and I got help from a woman to improve the latch and when I asked the midwife if it as ok to give expressed milk so soon from a bottle as I thought I couldn't she just said "breastfeeding Gestapo " with an eye roll. Every step of the way it was me pushing myself and the health professionals supporting whatever I wanted to do. I started mix feeding at 10 weeks due to nipple blisters. I am now mixed feeding at 5 months having dropped a feed each month I am on two breast feeds a day.Very happy with my care and support. Maybe I have been lucky.

You wish you'd given your baby with cows milk protein allergy a cows milk protein based diet so she could suffer more and be diagnosed and moved on to a plant based milk which is no way near as good as human milk? I really don't understand your thinking. I usually think people with babies who have cmpa and didn't breastfeed must feel severely guilty.

I think there is encouragement to breastfeed and enthusiasm for it, which will often be interpreted as 'pressurising' and 'guilt tripping' by mothers with ambivalent feelings about breastfeeding.

Hence the frequent comments 'I was made to feel guilty' . I suspect being 'made to feel guilty' often consists of having a midwife encourage you to keep breastfeeding when you don't want to, something she is supposed to be able to work out even though you haven't told her, (you haven't told her because you're hoping she'll tell YOU to stop breastfeeding first for the sake of your health, when she doesn't do this you're required to catastrophise about your experience of breastfeeding so everyone is clear YOU COULD NOT CONTINUE DOING IT)

And meanwhile women who haven't breastfed begin to suspect that breastfeeding is as hard as splitting the atom or climbing K2. It must be, as you hear such an avalanche of hideous disaster stories about it. If they know anything about breastfeeding in other cultures where most women breastfeed without significant difficulty they may wonder what it is about British breasts that make feeding babies from them so especially challenging and difficult .

Well I entirely agree, I've found there has been enormous pressure from health professionals (my children are 2 and a newborn)

I have and continue to breast feed but I feel utterly 'got at' and judged by the medical professionals I've come into contact with. When I was desperately struggling in early days with mastitis, a cracked nipple that had got infected and awful engorgement plus feeling totally overwhelmed and exhausted by the demands of BF a hungry newborn, I was actively seeking advice (not criticism) I was told humans are the only animals that substitute breast milk, in the wild baby animals die if they are not breast fed....what the actual fuck???!? I wanted support and advice not threats....

I've had a troubled journey with BF and although I have done so for a good amount of time, I feel that actually in particular with my firstborn, it negatively impacted upon my bond with her in the early days but I felt too scared to dream of giving her poison, sorry formula, which is quite frankly ludicrous.

And to add the only children I know who have asthma or eczema were breastfed.....grrrrr

That wasn't a threat and you know it. You knew formula wasn't poison because that's how the majority of UK babies are fed and you know they are fine. People make silly comments in passing by way of making conversation. At worst they are guilty of being clumsy and insensitive - but they are not bullying you or putting pressure on you.

It makes me to hear people who persisted with breastfeeding - but in retrospect wishing they hadn't - blaming health professionals for a decision that only they themselves could have made.

Ffs - own your choices.

Everyone knows formula is how most UK babies are fed.

Everyone knows formula isn't poison.

I don't believe in the existence of HP's who tell mothers that they must or should continue to breastfeed when the mother has made it clear that she doesn't wish to do so.

I think the problem is that mums can't accept their feelings or take responsibility for their own choices and are constantly looking for someone to dump their guilt on. Step forward health professionals.

Slightly off topic, but I'm in the US, and if you start breastfeeding they encourage you to introduce a bottle no later than 3 weeks, but it's assumed that will be expressed milk if you're already breastfeeding. I introduced bottles of expressed milk with both my sons at two weeks, and very few people I know has issues with pumping supply.

I EBFd my DCs. First one was torture for first 2 weeks. At nine days my MIL made disapproving noises about BFing which gave me the incentive to keep going. From 2 weeks, til 13 months when DC 1 decided to give up, BF went swimmingly.

2nd time round I had a baby who loved to BF. Only her latch was fucking, fucking painful. She BFd til she was two. The little crap.

My SIL BFd her two at the start only and looking at it with hindsight, I prefer her way.

I think there has been in the past and possibly still but I never experienced it personally - I was advised to supplement with formula if it made things easier and have been totally open with midwives and health visitors about my intentions to do so again and no-one batted an eyelid.

The more I've thought about this, the more I think as long as the baby is being fed appropriately, who really cares?

and someone should really tell you how bloody difficult it can be to express. or was that just me?

I don't think there is any pressure to BF at all. In fact, most health professionals I came accross always seemed amazed to know that I was bfeeding, they were so used to everyone using formula.

In addition, my inlaws were desperate for me to use formula as they hated the fact that it was only me that could feed my baby (they are fecking weird) as apparently they all wanted a shot too.

You do what you want to do, sometimes the gods conspire and you can't do what you want to do, in which case you do what you have to do.

I always wanted to bfeed, the gods were with me and I managed it. I've never really understood why (unless its a pain/medical issue) women don't like bfeeding but we're all different, but if you don't like bfeeding, stop, end of - no need for justifications or apologies.

I concur with minifingers.

I think it's only easy to make an informed decision, 'own it' etc when you have some experience of having a baby/BF but personally as a first time mum all I knew is I wanted to breastfeed successfully, I had absolutely no knowledge of how hard it could be/cluster feeds etc etc

Looking back of course I should have ignored the 'feed through the pain' bollocks and given DD a bottle if needs be while my nipple healed but I genuinely believed that in doing so it would have affected my supply as I was continually told. What rubbish! I was feeding round the clock, one feed out for some respite would have been fine and easily caught up on and I wish I'd been told it was ok.

I wanted to do 'right' by my baby and pathetic as it might sound I felt scared first time round to do anything other than what the health professionals told me.

Yes breast is best but it's also important that mum and baby are happy.

YADNBU
There was enormous pressure to BF when I was having DS (now 18 months), starting in ante natal classes. Both NHS and NCT classes had whole sessions (about 1/3 of total) dedicated to promoting EBF. No mention of difficulties/complications that can arise with BF. the message was very clearly that BF is easy and if you can't/don't BF you are a bad mother.
After DS was born and wasn't able to latch on I fed him colostrum with a syringe but was then told by midwives that I had to stop expressing and start breastfeeding properly. I put up with 4 days of midwives watching me trying (and failing) to BF, and telling me to do it differently. Then I'd do that only for a different midwife to come round a few hours later and tell me I was doing it wrong again. It was soul destroying at a time when I was exhausted and emotional and less able to be assertive about what I wanted.
It was only after DS lost loads of weight and was admitted to children's ward and his health was at risk that they suggested introducing a bottle. I can't help thinking that my maternity department proBF policy (which means midwives aren't allowed to suggest bottle feeding) was harmful for my DS.
The 'breast is best' stuff is simplistic and unhelpful and smug BF is the ideal, but it's not best for everyone.

I think lots of women don't want to breastfeed and I think that's absolutely ok.

Maybe if support was better breastfeeding rates would be higher, but quite possibly not, because many women prefer ff-ing. I certainly do.

So, I think we need to be honest about it, but a lot of the rhetoric around breastfeeding and how maaaarvellous it is can make it hard, when IMO, a women's rights over her body doesn't stop when she gives birth.

I have also read stories of breastfeeding martyrdom on here and been completely baffled as to why some women suffered so much to do something which, outside the research produced by those with vested interests, makes very little differences in the wider scheme of things.