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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Workfare scheme for loan parents of children as young as 3, as of next month.

999 replies

WaterLoadaCack · 01/04/2014 21:54

kept that quiet didnt they

OP posts:
Needsmorecake · 04/04/2014 08:04

Heis - again... circumstance. Can you really not see that if you didnt have this very supportive network you seem to have.... gold plated childminders, a plethora of long term friends you trust with your child. Your dhs wage and emotional and physical contribution, that things would be very very different.

Because if you cant, why on earth are you in social work?

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:05

Now you see, I don't know a single shift-worker, only have one unemployed friend (not local), only one (9-6 FT employed) relative within 100 miles and can count on two hands the people I would trust my DC with, none of whom are typically available for weekday babysitting.

Does that make me unusual?

heisenberg999 · 04/04/2014 08:06

I can and wasnt saying it wasnt. I said I understand difficulty as I will have my 2 weeks old in 50 hour childcare and got to try and stay non insane!

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:10

Well if it is a struggle for you Heis despite a vast and unusually flexible support network, an employed partner and amazing childcare, can you not understand it is nigh on impossible for LPs w/o those things?

Needsmorecake · 04/04/2014 08:11

Fid, no, no it dosesnt.

I dont have anyone. Its literally just me. My mum can help after 3pm sometimes, as thats when she sometimes finishes work. Thats it.

When i went back to work after chilcken pox gate, i was told by my boss, that if i didnt have ' emergency childcare measures in place i should consider if i was fit for working at all' and again, i reiterate, this was for a part time £7 per hour, bloody receptionist job.

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:14

@ chicken pox gate

It is so hard needs. I wish ID bloody S would read this thread.

heisenberg999 · 04/04/2014 08:14

99.9% of people probably wouldnt even attempt something so ridiculous I am aware of that!

Wannabestepfordwife · 04/04/2014 08:18

heisenberg you are incredibly lucky with the cm you've found. A friend of mine is a nurse and a lp she fled an abusive relationship so she's 100s of miles from her support network she was lucky to find a cm who was willing to look after her dc for 13 hours to cover shifts but now her ward who are fuly aware of her situation are putting her shifts on a weekend how an earth can she do this when no cm will cover weekends and she has no support network

Needsmorecake · 04/04/2014 08:19

so, if 99.9% of people wouldnt attempt something so ridiculous..., yet that is the reality of 99.9% of single mothers.

as lots of us are evidencing on this thread.

fid, it makes me very cross. Im not stupid. i have a good education, i had a good career. I lost the lot due to circumstances out of my control. Im doing the best i can. I see red when people say ' well, i have always worked hard, thats why i have money' well, yes, ive also always worked damn hard, but i have none. And shall continue to have none while im in my situation... which there isnt really anyway out of.

fucking chicken pox gate. to make it worse, and i will name names, but i was working for homestart at the time. The ' supporting families charity' I kid you not.

And thats the reality.

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:20

The only thing I know, after years of frustration and struggl,e was that self-employment was the only way I could make it work, even now, remarried to HRT DH.

This govt is supposedly pro-enterprise. I don't understand why they are not offering LPs business advisors, mentors, educational funding to up-skill or re-train, start-up funding. It wouldn't work for everyone but there would be more point to it than this sponsored-supermarket-scrub.

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:21

to make it worse, and i will name names, but i was working for homestart at the time.

Appalling!

heisenberg999 · 04/04/2014 08:21

I worked in childcare for years so childminders I know are ones who I can bribe with dominoes pizza etc. I know Im lucky with that but it was my industry for years.

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:22

she fled an abusive relationship so she's 100s of miles from her support network

That must be common too. I know 3 people who did that myself.

Needsmorecake · 04/04/2014 08:23

wannabe, your poor friend. Well, she cant, can she. So she will end up losing her job... and then struggling to find something else. The NHS loses a good nurse, who is willing to work... but fear not, poundland get someone new to sweep the floors on workfare!

Its a joke. Its just a joke. The poor woman should be being suported. she is vulnerable. ( i was in a similar situation myself) but rather than that, shes villified and patronised. When society starts picking on the vulnerable its a very sad situation.

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:24

If Homestart and Hospitals are unsupportive employers there isn't much hope is there?

Needsmorecake · 04/04/2014 08:26

heis - again. you have an experience that most people dont have, yet you are applying your ' find a childminder who will have them' blanket rule to everyone.. before you let it know that actually its because you have insider relationships and have known them years a you used to work with them.

CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS IS NOT THE CASE FOR MOST PEOPLE.

Wannabestepfordwife · 04/04/2014 08:26

needsmore it's so wrong she is the victim and yet she's been punished for it. I would happily help her out but I wouldn't want to leave my dd with someone I didn't know that well either

heisenberg999 · 04/04/2014 08:26

I always think this on threads like this we have childcare practically 24/7 here anyway so why dont people who enjoy children become childminders? So many gaps in different areas of country.

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:29

Heis Not everyone has suitable home, or skills or aptitude or patience for childminding.

Or can't afford start-up costs or rent and can't get LL permission. Or got busted for possession in their teens and can't pass DBS. Or have scary violent ex on the prowl. Or, or, or....

Needsmorecake · 04/04/2014 08:31

Wanna- indeed. As is actually the case for most lone parents. As is the case for me. Abusive relationship.. my prize for escaping? bone crushing poorness, loss of decent jobs, loss of opportunity, not forgetting the score that will be poured on her from up high, for YEARS, as posters like heis will continue to tell her its her fault.

Poor lady, give her a hug when you see her and tell her shes doing an awsome job even though she might not feel like she is.

Needsmorecake · 04/04/2014 08:32

heis - can you not just concede that your somewhat narrow minded view is so littered with flaws it makes no sense. and that actually, you might be wrong?

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:33

I do however know 3 different women who set up successful silver-smithing, gluten-free catering, and 'virtual PA' businesses when LP. But all used family loans or inheritances to get going. We don't all have that luxury.

heisenberg999 · 04/04/2014 08:35

You would be surprised how small a property you need lots of people do it in 1 bed or 2 bed flat

Wannabestepfordwife · 04/04/2014 08:36

My mum stayed in abusive marriage for years even though she wanted to leave I never really understood her choice until reading mn the stigma especially in the early 90s would be really hard on her. I still don't agree with what she chose (too many scars for that) but I do understand it. I think you amazing needsmore as is every woman who leaves abuse.

heis do you not think cms deserve a family life too?

fideline · 04/04/2014 08:36

On the subject of DV, anyone who goes through a refuge now is more or less forced to give up work because of the HB regime that funds refuge rooms. Then they are rehoused in a new area and have to start again with no support network Sad