AIBU to tell women in their late 50's and 60's that jet black hair they insist on having

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

is not flattering, looks odd, and needs to be softened and changed to a bitter chocolate colour with small amounts of grey being allowed through.

I see nothing but "Cruella de Ville" look-a-likes for women of a certain age these days.

Bitchy aint I!

My MIL tells people she looks like she is in her late 40 or early 50's. I think dying her hair helps her with that view. My mother is much more accepting of being older even eager to be seen that way.

Children centre head dies her hair blond and looks good doing it- does look early 50's but is in her 60's. I'm not sure how having grey or white hair would change her appearance.

I suspect the reasons women dye their hair at 60 is as varied as people themselves anything from fun to habit to feeling better than way.

Bitchy no.
Twat, yes

Am loving the replies!

Still, the point I was trying to get across was that it actually ages a woman, and many women do this because it worked when they were 30. They are stuck in a timewarp! Make allowances for age that's what I say!

but they are ageing anyway do you mean the lighter colour makes them look younger or their age I am confused

my mum is in her mid 60s she looked her age whatever her hair colour was and the old woman i knew did look her age letting her hair go grey she would still look in her 80s

Jet black hair looks ridiculous on most people (unless you're under 25 & it's your natural colour - being good looking & slightly tanned also helps )
The rest of us should invest in a good hat once we hit 40.

I want to see a picture of the OP so we can determine the suitability of her hair colour

I don't think it just ages women, plenty of men look rather obvious with dyed block brown or black hair- think of someone like Martin Kemp who had now gone silver fox and looks all the better for it.

MArtin Kemp hubba hubba is lovely with his grey hair

my mum is in her mid 60s she looked her age whatever her hair colour was and the old woman i knew did look her age letting her hair go grey she would still look in her 80s

I think some people do look older when they let their hair go grey or white - and that may not be an issue for them.

My mother went completely grey in her late 50's and she did look much older than she was though that may be partly due to social expectations.

Many others it look no different but some of those may feel it impacts on how young they look if that's something they are bothered about. My MIL would be an example.

Others do look younger with dyed hair - which may be important for personal reasons or because they work in an industry that favours youth.

I dont think honestly that women are trying to fool anybody at 60 that they dye their hair

I think some are -especially in early 60's- even if it is only themselves and some even manage to look younger to others with the additional help of good genes.

Black is an unforgiving colour at most ages and I would suspect either habit or doing it for fun with a 60 + year old with black hair. Though as I have said I have seen some who do make it a look good on them.

That's interesting Katie about hair fading with age if it hasn't greyed. Since hitting 40, I've been wondering why my once near-black hair is getting lighter and lighter. Bitter experience has shown me that dying it dark again looks awful

BTW, I think yabu OP, it maybe a bad look for some, but the 'women of a certain age' thing really grates. It's made an interesting discussion though.

You just reminded me to get mine cut and highlighted, so thanks.

As for the rest of your post, pfft. Who cares? Their hair, they can do what the hell they want with it.

Agree about the 'certain age' thing, seems to suggest that after a certain age having fun with your appearance is pitiable

YABU and really nasty.
My mum has jet black hair, is 48 and looks about 30.
Im sure you are just breathtakingly beautiful ...

Mil has long dyed black hair - it looks dreadful. She thinks it's flattering.
she also brushes it 2 or 3 times an hour which gets on my wick

When I was a student I used to look after a woman who was in her 80s. Her face had more wrinkles and folds than a bulldog and she still wore a jet black wig and bright red lipstick. She looked truly awful IMO but since it's her appearance, I always kept my mouth shut and offered the usual "you look lovely" when asked. even though she was utterly horrible

This: "As for the rest of your post, pfft. Who cares? Their hair, they can do what the hell they want with it."

It's not bothering you in any real sense.

Plus if I were 60 and my youngers started telling me I had to dress/look at certain way because it upset them otherwise ... after a life of work or child rearing etc' ... I'd have short shrift!

I think older women should have MORE freedom to do what the hell they like, having worked for so long (often double men's work - home and paid) ... but society thinks they aught to be cute grannies I guess.

Agree about the 'certain age' thing, seems to suggest that after a certain age having fun with your appearance is pitiable

yes it ages them it makes their hair look sooty it is sending a message that they are old but trying to hide it PFFT i feel like dying my hair jet black in protest

dahlen i wonder how glam you will look in you r late 80s love

I don't look glam now so by my 80s I figure I'll have given up caring completely!

Anyone who claims not to pass judgment on the appearance of others is a liar. You may not judge in terms of attractiveness or glamour but you'll be judging in some way even if you're not aware of it - because humans are a social species who read others based on visual cues.

What separates the nice from the nasty, is how you deal with that. So do you prevent someone from getting a job because you don't like their appearance? Do you put someone down with an unkind comment? As long as you don't do those things you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Dyed jet black hair looks bad on 99% of people in my opinion. When you see naturally 'black' hair against the light you can see that it's actually just extremely dark brown. Black dye just looks blocky and unnatural.

OP, YABUVVVU. Not because you think it, but your post asks should/would you say it. Have you?

I'd like to think you're a troll, but unfortunately on MN, there are posters who'd like to see older women get back in their boxes. You appear to be one of them. Not been back recently, I see.

Oh, and yes, you are a bitch.

i just think calling an old woman ugly and horrible is disrespectful that's all

I did not call her ugly and certainly never voiced any criticism to her face because that would indeed make me a bitch.

The "horrible" description was a reference to the fact that she was utterly vile to everyone she came into contact with, including me, but I had more contact with her because she apparently seemed to like me more than other carers and I was one of the few still prepared to visit her home to care for her.

I get told by relatives that I'll soon be past the age where I can have long hair...

I'm only 34

I've had the same hair "style" since I was 15. It's very long and very naturally straight. If I got it cut into a proper style I'd have to spend time buggering about with it and also spend money on it instead of getting my mate to chop the ends off with kitchen scissors, so I intend to keep it the way it is :)