AIBU to tell women in their late 50's and 60's that jet black hair they insist on having

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

is not flattering, looks odd, and needs to be softened and changed to a bitter chocolate colour with small amounts of grey being allowed through.

I see nothing but "Cruella de Ville" look-a-likes for women of a certain age these days.

Bitchy aint I!

I have natural jet, black hair........it's a pain in the arse tbh.

I agree, my mother did this. It is an odd colour choice if not natural. Her original hair colour was light brown so it did look different. She also had a very pale, milky complexion. She was nearly swept away in a group of Japanese tourists a couple of times when out shopping by over-zealous tour guides. She did tan well though, and after returning from holiday, was often asked if she was visiting from India or Pakistan.

It's not necessarily dyed. My Granda's Mum had almost waist length, jet black hair until she passed away in her 70s. Sadly, I never met her, but I have seen photos, and she was very beautiful and elegant. My Nan's Mum had almost waist length, white hair until she passed away in her 90s. She often wore it in a large bun atop her head, and even at 93, was beautiful and elegant. I'm just hoping that I've inherited their genes .

Oh, and OP, it doesn't matter that you wouldn't dream of dying your hair black, and that you don't understand why other women do so. Clearly, many women do choose to do so, and are free to, thankfully without requiring you to understand their choices.

I am only forties but sympathise with them.
Finding a darker brown that doesn't do this is difficult. They haven't always asked for or bought black colour.
The med ones make the grey hairs and lighter ones red and don't suit everyone.
Brunette colours can be difficult.

Tsk. Women of a certain age...

I actually think some people carry that colour off very well. Yabu

And agree that it's not necessarily dyed.

You can usually tell when it's dyed (and had been repeatedly for the last forty years) though, often dull and straw-like.

It makes me sad when I see it. It's like, "this suited me when I was thirty, why should I change it?". I'd feel the same with a fella who has a comb over, like they're resisting change and the fact they're getting older. My own mum has has been rocking the same style and colour for the past twenty years- think Princess Di circa 1997. She does still suit it, but do wonder if she ever fancies a change! So YANBU- but not if said woman LOVES her hair. If she doesn't then we need to have an intervention. Everyone should have hair they love.

AIBU to tell young women in their 20s and 30s that orangey-brown fake- bake dyed skin they insist on having is not flattering, looks odd, makes them smell peculiar and the colour comes off all over their clothes and bedding when they sweat.

I see nothing but "Lauren Goodger" look-a-likes for women of a certain age these days.

Bitchy aint I!

LaspedPacifist (age 53 1/4)

What's your hair like OP? How do you envisage it changing as you grow older?

I love having dark hair and hope that as I age I get to keep it for as long as possible. I've never dyed it because my sallow Olive complexion just wouldn't suit anything else.

My father still had jet black hair with tiny wisps of grey when he was early 60's, I hope I follow him. I also loved DH's aunty who until her early 80's kept her dyed black hair in a fabulous beehive daily.

The only thing that is a shame is the change of texture when your hair is grey but I love a bit of style and individuality, particularly in women further along the age scale.

Sorry OP but you are being both unreasonable and ageist. How someone chooses to wear their hair is not your business.

It's about the tone if your hair matching your skin tone they makes you look rough not your age and lots of women's skin time change as they get older so their hair colour should be adapted accordingly.

I'm in my 60s and have very dark brown hair with hardly any grey yet. A few years ago I thought it was looking a bit harsh so I have highlights put in to soften it. As I get more grey I intend to have it lifted to a lighter brown.

What's wrong with looking witchy?

Please post a photo of yourself OP so we can all comment on which aspects of your appearance look awful. Sounds bitchy doesn't it? That's because it is bitchy. Maybe next time you think of something bitchy you could refrain from speaking it out loud?

I have I say, I sort of agree with you, OP.

Chances are, if you're 50 or 60, your hair is probably pretty grey. I can say this with some authority, because pretty much all men aged 50-60 have grey hair.

Therefore, women age 50-60 with jet black hair have probably dyed it that colour. Ergo they're altering their appeance in an effort to look younger, because in our society younger=better.

The unfortunate outcome is that, more often than not, they actually look worse. The softer, grey look is more becoming than the harsh, unflattering jet black look. Or, if they really don't want to be grey, then something less harsh than jet black is almost certainly going to make them look better.

This is one of those things that you can think in the privacy of your own head - or share with a partner or good friends you know well - but admit it out loud to an unfiltered audience, and you get slaughtered.

We all have wrong thoughts from time to time; the mistake is admitting them on AIBU.

A hairdresser once told me quite a good explanation for this one. He was saying that dyed black or very dark brown hair tends to look unnatural on older(white) British people as it's so rare to keep that colour with no grey beyond a certain age. He feels that beyond a certain age very rich dark hair in Brits either goes grey or the colour fades and lightens. He also felt dark brows often lighten and thin with age and this contributed to the unnatural look. I don't have grey yet but my formerly near black hair has gone a lighter more faded brown with age and looking around at other pale brits I think he is right. My grandmother had darkish brown hair aged 87 but it was a very faded colour, not the rich strong colour you get with dye or youth. I suspect subconsiously we know very dark hair doesn't look natural with pale skin beyond a certain age and that is why if the dye is too dark it doesn't look quite right. This doesn't seem to hold true with darker skinned spainish/italians or asians who often seem to keep a rich dark colour into middle age and beyond. The hairdresser felt this also seemed to happen with other rich colours like red which similarly "fade" with age if they don't grey.

the old lady who used to live next to me had raven black hair in her 80s i always thought good for her who cares really if these women want to dye their hair my mum has been told to go softer caramel or some such rubbish by her hairdresser I think it looks terrible but had to say oh its lovely mum, (it so isnt it looks yellow)

I'm sure there is a small minority who pull the look off.

I do remember being told though that you should try and aim for 3 shade lighter than natural colour as you age because your skin tone changes with age as well as hair colour.

I'm late 30's and starting to have white strikes in my brown hair -so I'm going to start dying - but the right time to stop that I don't know. My MIL is in her 60s and looks o.k with red brown hair but my mother similar age looks old with full grey.

I dont think honestly that women are trying to fool anybody at 60 that they dye their hair

This is my first thread read on Mumsnet and my first reply. I am bemused by this post.

We could complain about the make up of 16yr old girls, the short shorts of 20 yr old women, the T shirts of young men, the safety pins through the ears, tongue piercing, dyed black hair etc etc.

Instead why not be kind and non judgemental - theres a human being inside!

I used to do perms and sets on 'old' ladies (in their 50's!)

They would like a nice tight perm and then set on rollers then a lovely blue/pink/white tint.

I dislike bright red hair on middle aged ladies.

my nana always had a shampoo and set all the pictures of her before i was born was her with purple hair