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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disgruntled that I have effectively lost my inheritance?

117 replies

poppydan · 28/03/2014 17:53

My mother is selling her house, which she owns outright, to by a house with her long term partner, who is significantly younger than her. She will be using the money from her house sale for the deposit with the mortgage and all her living costs being funded by her partner who has a very well paid job (she doesn't work).

She has been with her partner for over 10 years but have never lived together before and do not really get on when they spend long periods of time together - on holiday for example, which makes me sceptical it is the best thing for her (although perhaps my own interests make my view biased)

This is all fair enough, she is entitled to do what she wants with her life etc etc. However, her dp has made it clear that if something were to happen to her he wouldn't want to be in a position where he has to sell the house to enable me/her grand children to inherit her proportion of the house. She had said that she was concerned about this as she didn't want her money going to him (he has very wealthy parents is an only child and is not short of a bob or two). As a solution she was planning on renting her house and funding the move this way but that has now been ruled out as for a variety of reasons is not feasible. What upsets me most is that she appeared ever so concerned about me not losing out but now she has found a property she likes she has put her house on the market and has abruptly informed me that this is the way it is.

Writing this I feel that perhaps I am being unreasonable but a small (quite large actually) part of me cant help but feel this is a little unfair and hurt by it.

OP posts:

shewhowines · 29/03/2014 13:36

My great uncle inherited his familys farm as the oldest child. It had been in the family for generations. He died soon after, had no children to leave it to so his wife got the farm. The family farm was no longer in the family, despite him having brothers and sisters.

Not quite the same but upsetting for the family, in the same way the op would be upset if mothers, dps distant family inherited her mothers money rather than her

First step is for mother to protect herself though.

Nomama · 29/03/2014 13:38

I'm another who doesn't think poppy showed no concern for her mum.

Weird that some people won't see what is there, but can easily visualise stuff that isn't!

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 13:43

shewhowins If the family farm were in Scotland and your uncle had left no will, then assuming the house on exceeded a certain(not terribly high) value which wife is entitled to the default heir for the land is not the wife but in order, children, siblings, parents and only if none of those, the wife.

Again if your uncle had wanted to "keep it in the family" there's plenty of options to do so.

Mintyy · 29/03/2014 13:45

"I totally agree she can do what she wants with her money and yes, I have always thought she might need to sell to fund her old age as she has no pension/savings apart from her property but I think is the way she has dealt with it. Suddenly, now she has found the 'dream house' she has changed her tune.

I also think she needs to ensure she protects herself financially if is doesn't work out (which is quite possible) as she is putting all her eggs in one basket, so to speak. She can be quite naive in this respect (bit i suppose that is also her business)"

^^
The thoughts of a dd who is not just salivating over her inheritance, I would say.

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 13:46

Yes "I've lost my inheritance really shows a caring attitude.

Mintyy · 29/03/2014 13:49

I don't think that caring about your parents and hoping you will be the one who inherits (if there is anything left to inherit, of course) are mutually exclusive, tbh.

PigletUnrepentant · 29/03/2014 13:51

They have been together for ten years, she is not dead therefore you can't consider that house "your inheritance".

Her partner of 10 years is also her family, don't forget that.

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 13:59

If she were caring the opening post would have been on the lines of "is it sensible for my mother to do this and what should she do to make sure her interests are looked after"

There was backtracking by the OP after several posters pointed out what her mother does with her own money is up to her mother.

Nomama · 29/03/2014 14:43

Caitlin - did you read all of the OP?

You seem to have missed much of it...

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 15:20

Nomama just re-read it. Plenty about the OP losing out, nothing about whether this might be an unwise financial decision for her mother.

Nomama · 29/03/2014 15:29

...his is all fair enough, she is entitled to do what she wants with her life etc etc. However, her dp has made it clear that if something were to happen to her he wouldn't want to be in a position where he has to sell the house to enable me/her grand children to inherit her proportion of the house. She had said that she was concerned about this as she didn't want her money going to him...

OP then goes on to say that her mum has now become abrupt and won't explain.

You have read between other lines, what about these?

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 15:38

But her closing line was" I feel that perhaps I am being unreasonable but a small (quite large actually) part of me cant help but feel this is a little unfair and hurt by it."

Focussing on herself and what she is missing out on. Sorry if the concern was what was best for her mother this would have been an entirely different opening post.

Nomama · 29/03/2014 15:45

Ach! It is all in the typing isn't it?

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 15:56

I'd be worried here. It's not clear to me what money her mother has to live on and she's about to dispose of her only asset. If the proceeds are put in a house with the partner then mum's name should be on the title.

A modest house owned outright by mum only is a better bet than a mansion owned jointly and mortgaged to the hilt. That would worry me.

It's a fair point to question why if he's so loaded he needs mum's money as a deposit. Also what is the problem with mum keeping her house and renting it out? That is worth more investigation.

Mintyy · 29/03/2014 16:07

I find, in life, its best to assume that people have good intentions, rather than the other way round. However, you seem determined to vilify op for her grabby attitude, Caitlin, and I'm not quite sure why. I'm leaving this thread but I strongly disagree with you - I just cba to argue about it any more.

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 16:23

Minty I do think the OP is being grabby. Her mother is embarking on a course which could, if it all went wrong, leave her penniless. That is what OP should be focused on, not what the OP might lose out on.

If I were the OP I'd be worried about the bit that keeping her own house and letting it out isn't a goer. That sounds to me as if mum and partner had considered raising a mortgage on her house to fund his(their?) new house but mum has been turned down as she has no income to fund it and the rental income is less than the repayments. If that is correct it should ring alarm bells.

Where does the partner live now? If he already owns a house why does he need a deposit? If he's renting could he not move in with mother and save a deposit out of the money he would pay in rent.

These are the questions I would think of in this scenario-is my mother at risk- not I'm losing my inheritance.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 29/03/2014 17:48

I must admit to having a similar feeling when my DM married a must younger man ( younger than me) about 12 years ago. We did have a brief discussion about it and she said she would probably die before her new husband and he would have the house and perhaps leave it to his nephews when he died. She said she thought this was fair as he would be there to provide any care she needed when she was older. I thought fair enough that's up to my DM. They divorced a few years later.
I think it's good to vent about these feelings on Mumsnet, rather than say things you may regret in real life.

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