To be disgruntled that I have effectively lost my inheritance?

[poppydan]

My mother is selling her house, which she owns outright, to by a house with her long term partner, who is significantly younger than her. She will be using the money from her house sale for the deposit with the mortgage and all her living costs being funded by her partner who has a very well paid job (she doesn't work).

She has been with her partner for over 10 years but have never lived together before and do not really get on when they spend long periods of time together - on holiday for example, which makes me sceptical it is the best thing for her (although perhaps my own interests make my view biased)

This is all fair enough, she is entitled to do what she wants with her life etc etc. However, her dp has made it clear that if something were to happen to her he wouldn't want to be in a position where he has to sell the house to enable me/her grand children to inherit her proportion of the house. She had said that she was concerned about this as she didn't want her money going to him (he has very wealthy parents is an only child and is not short of a bob or two). As a solution she was planning on renting her house and funding the move this way but that has now been ruled out as for a variety of reasons is not feasible. What upsets me most is that she appeared ever so concerned about me not losing out but now she has found a property she likes she has put her house on the market and has abruptly informed me that this is the way it is.

Writing this I feel that perhaps I am being unreasonable but a small (quite large actually) part of me cant help but feel this is a little unfair and hurt by it.

"That's terribly unfair. Anyone would be upset and its only fair for you to feel bad.

Won't she consider giving you part of her sale money (now or later) so that you can have atleast part of your inheritance?"

bloody hell. you do realise you don't actually have an inheritance until AFTER someone dies and, this is the crucial bit, leaves something to you in their will.

When I was young my dad told me never to expect an inheritance and to get on with my own life and money making, bit waiting around to inherit someone else's. he was true to his word lol. I'm glad though, I have a lot if siblings and the hassle would have been a nightmare. I also tell my in laws to spend their cash too. There's nothing more unattractive than middle aged people hanging around, monitoring their aged parents spending habits of what they consider their inheritance. Life's too short.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

Your mother needs to make sure her interests are protected first and foremost. What if HE were to die first? She'd not be able to pay the mortgage etc.

"So no-one else would be worried or even a little bit unsettled if their DM did this?

Really?"

REALLY, nomama.

Some of us would rather our parents spent and enjoyed their hard earned savings, not save them for us to grab when they are dead.

I feel slightly saddened that this seems to be an alien concept to some.

Maybe they will get married then it will all go to him anyway

I would ve concerned that my mother is in a vulnerable position financially but as for your inheritance it isn't yours by right and it is presumptuous to assume you that had all things been equal, your mother would have left anything to you.

If someone kept pestering me about if/when they were going to get their hands on my money, I would be scribbling their names out of the will and leaving the lot to the cats home.

Careful that you don't end up talking yourself out of any money whatsoever and more importantly alienate your mother.

Your mother, as a sensible adult, should not even consider putting her money into a house and not have her name on the deeds - that would be what would anger and concern me. He would have no legal obligation to return the money and she could end up with nothing.

BlueSky absolutely. Putting money in and relying on her share being in trust is madness.

If there is a mortgage she needs to be 100% sure it can be paid.

Actually hooby, I would be incredibly concerned if my mum did this. I would be concerned that she was not protecting herself from the new man in her life. I would be concerned that her interests were being eroded.

If it turns out that she has thought it all through and is very happy with her decision then fair enough. But a sudden change of heart is worrying. I would not be able to live with myself if I didn't check that my mum was not being hurried into doing something she didn't fully understand or, in doing, would lose control of her assets.

I think you totally misunderstood my post. Having been through one such probate horror, as I posted, I would always advise at least one conversation with parents who make changes like this. Just to be sure that all is well with them.

i think op is being treated unfairly.

we have ALWAYS operated on the assumption that we will inherit nothing. worked hard, overpaid mortgage yada yada yada

my dmum has a house and some money in the bank. she is in her 70s. i do not ever sit and while away time pondering how i will spend her money.

i would be horrified in ops situation, ie if she suddenly set up shop with someone else, effectively handed the whole lot to them. not least because at least half of it was my dads and he would have wanted us to have something, if there was something left to have.

greenfolder the OP is not being treated unfairly. My and others reaction was not to think of poor hard done by OP but is her mother doing what is best for her mother? Is the mother going to end up losing her money and her home when her mother still needs it.

And as for your post. The half is not your dad's. It might have come from your dad but it's hers now. If your dad had wanted it otherwise he could have set up a trust.

I'm in a very similar position right now. My Dad died last year and put his half of the property in trust for the kids and my step-mother has a lifetime interest (ie she can stay in the house until she dies). It's a really tricky one as one could argue a partner should not be forced to sell and move out but on the other hand, the beneficiaries (often children from first marriage) might want to get their hands on the trust to help them get on the property ladder for eg. Getting a well-constructed will is absolutely vital in these types of situation - has your mother done this? I know it's a tricky conversation but please have it - I never did with my Dad and am paying the price now as his will was not drafted well at all and is ambiguous causing all concerned much stress!

Halfwilding - I feel terribly sorry for your friend - that's awful and as you say, they've lost their parents and their inheritance. Have they contested it?

Yanbu

You have a very clinical way of looking at this issue Caitlin. Facts are facts, yes, no one should count on an inheritance yada yada. But op feels disgruntled ... wouldn't you? I don't believe those who say they would not, in op's circumstances.

DH and I have had this conversation before. Both of us agree that if something happened to one of us, we would eventually want our share to go to our children, not the surviving partners new husband/wife family.

Thanks for reminding us we need to redo our wills to ensure thus happens.

I encourage my dparents to spend their money enjoying themselves while they are alive. I would be happy for no inheritance if they spent it that way, but if there was money left, I would be very upset too if that went to a new partners family and not me.

Minty the OP has shown very little concern for her mother. The people being clinical are the OP and others fretting about their inheritance. Her mother might be making a terrible mistake to the mother's detrimental but OP isn't even thinking of that.

To answer your question no I would not feel disgruntled. The only thing I was ever likely to inherit was a house and about 50 acres of land belonging to my paternal grandfather. My grandfather discussed with me before his death that he was transferring it in his lifetime to my little brother who is 10 years younger than me, unlike me did not have a degree, a well -paid job or a house and unlike me had stayed with my grandfather and helped him . It was entirely fair my brother should get it. My mother was disgruntled but she was the least deserving of the three of us.

The OP would be right to make sure her mother protects her mother's interests but as for protecting the OP's, it's nothing to do with the OP. I don't recall the OP actually expressing any concern about her mother.

Those suggesting a spouse who has inherited from a spouse has no right to do what they want with the money are ridiculous. There are any number of ways a deceased person can control where assets go; if the deceased chose not to, then it's none of your business.

I've just re-read all of op's posts and strongly disagree that she doesn't seem concerned about her mother! How very odd.