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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To challenge couple in restaurant who judged my DCs?

336 replies

TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 19:38

Had dinner out earlier in an Italian restaurant. I agreed that the DCs (11 and 9) could play their Kindle Fires for 10-15 minutes when we got there. This is not sth they do often - they never usually play them in a restaurant or even around the dinner table at home.

Two tables away a couple (mid 60s) were tutting head shaking and he said "the trouble is they lose the art of conversation". I don't think they intended me to hear it, but it came over loud and clear.

I waited until they had finished their starter then approached them. I said in a quiet voice that I was sorry for interrupting them and that I heard what they had said. I said I wanted to let them know that my children had had a busy day at school and the eldest one had just had a one hour language tuition session after school. That I said that they can play for 15 minutes and that it's not sth we would normally do blah blah. They apologised for the comment and said they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.). I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.

I clearly felt the need to challenge their judgemental view. I was sat there for some time trying to decide whether to say something or not and the saying something clearly got the better of me. I just felt that they know nothing about us and what we would normally do. I didn't want them to go away with an assumption about me/my kids/other kids (am a bit sick of hearing about the downfall of the youth of today from older generations).

But was I being unreasonable? Should I have just ignored them (after 15 minutes kids had put Kindles away and we were chatting amongst ourselves and maybe they'd have seen this).

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 27/03/2014 22:31

And a Kindle fire is just like any other tablet isn't it with games etc.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 27/03/2014 22:46

Skim read only OP, but you seem to resist being called U, despite

they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.) I actually agree with this

YABU

Silverdaisy · 27/03/2014 22:51

Totes, your info stats that the children would only have 15 mins max on the kindle fire. So you waited for the couple to finish their starter. Then went and had a word with them. Why not leave it and show by the time their main course came out that time your children will be sitting without electronics in front of them. Surely that would be a good way to look like the better person?

Nocomet · 27/03/2014 22:53

I think DD2 would have given them such a look they would have scuttled back to their table, very quickly.

If she even noticed as she often has headphones on.

MistressDeeCee · 27/03/2014 22:57

I wouldnt have ignored. As a mother you have that protective instinct about your DCs, don't you? I see nothing wrong with not ignoring comments made about your children. Why should you? To suit who, exactly? Well done to you. & you handled it in civil fashion too. I do get their point but they probably should have lowered their voices so they couldn't be heard. If you speak loudly about people then its always a possible consequence that they might take you up on what you've said. Too many women are taught or manipulated into being non-assertive so I think its nice you said what you felt you needed to say. Rather than go home and possibly think 'I wish Id said something'. Apologise to nobody for standing up for your DCs Smile

flipchart · 27/03/2014 23:01

Have you never passed a comment to your DH or a friend that you wouldn't have wanted to have been heard beyond you two.
I'm sure most of us have, even on the spur of the moment but you wouldn't say it to their face. I know I have, (eg when I have been driving and someone else has pulled out on me or, if one one has pushed in, anything.)
I think that was what happened here. Unfortunately they were probably louder than they intended.

I think you are being unreasonable to let them have them gadgets at the table, even for15 mins tbh.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 27/03/2014 23:03

Apologise to nobody for standing up for your DCs

Goodness me what an over reaction, they just said its a shame when kids are too involved in technology (hardly a shocking comment from a couple in their 60s) it's not like they called them thick or threaten to beat them up and nick their kindles. The OP wasn't "sticking up for her children", she was taking a comment she shouldn't have overheard from an elderly couple far too personally.

Original poster
TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 23:04

Thank you Mistress. As I said, they apologised and said they hoped their comments hadn't spoilt our meal. We had a positive conversation about it.

OP posts:
Martorana · 27/03/2014 23:08

You know, in all my 18 years as a parent, and 35 as an involved Aunt, I have never, ever had anyone comment unfavourably on the children I had with me or the way I was looking after them I feel a bit left out- it seems to happen every day to other mumsnetters. Usually by people in their mid 60s- or "old biddies" as they are more accurately called.

I wonder whether I just haven't got the imagination some people have........

Silverdaisy · 27/03/2014 23:10

I don't read this as a critique on the children's behaviour, more on the way of parenting.

The children are probably the ideal for most - quiet and not running around the restaurant.

Mistress, really a female being manipulated into conforming? How about just behaving. I would say the same to a man also.

I believe two wrongs don't make a right.

Forgettable · 27/03/2014 23:11

Pa hahaha at Chinese you donut

You are being totes unrease OP

Silverdaisy · 27/03/2014 23:13

Sorry * how about behaving politely.

Forgettable · 27/03/2014 23:14

Oh fwiw, our adorbs sproglets can play cards, many games under their belts including Shitead, the most comp game in the whole wide world, mastered by them at age 8 and 6.

How d'ya like THEM apples, eh, eh eh?

STEALTH BOAST

CoolaSchmoola · 28/03/2014 00:14

*'I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.'

You told them you agreed and that is why you don't let them play at the table whilst they were both sat playing AT THE TABLE

Epic fail OP. If you had said that to me I would pointed out the glaring contradiction sniggering at your stupiditt

MistressDeeCee · 28/03/2014 00:28

Silverdaisy yes, really actually - I do feel women are manipulated into being non-assertive. Thats why some posters are taking pleasure in telling the OP if someone talks about her children negatively, she should keep her mouth shut.

Never mind that the couple were on their own night out & could have spoken quietly and kept their opinion to themselves - if indeed they had to say anything at all about children who aren't theirs, weren't at the restaurant with them, and are not even known to them.

You can hold onto your right to talk about other people in their hearing as hard as you like - you don't get to choose whether they react to it or not.

Silverdaisy · 28/03/2014 00:49

Mistress, I feel that you are deliberately reading an issue that isn't there. A human being heard something they did not like so was rude to a couple of humans. The op was ruder than the mixed gender she approached.

polythenespam · 28/03/2014 00:56

A couple in their 60s - I bet that one of them had hearing loss, hence the audible conversation. They weren't being rude, they were talking to each other and what they were saying was valid.

You on the other hand, unbelievably rude to interrupt their meal and prattle on about tutoring.

Sparklysilversequins · 28/03/2014 00:57

Firstly I don't believe you did anything of the sort, probably just sat there and seethed silently and secondly I would have told you to buzz off if you came and interrupted my meal.

Silverdaisy · 28/03/2014 00:58

Actually do we know if the couple were male/female? I made an assumption there. Apologies.

MistressDeeCee · 28/03/2014 02:19

Silverdaisy - Im giving my opinion on a post and as far as I know, its ok to have differing opinions on a subject. I only answered you in the 1st place as you made a comment to me. Apart from that Im responding to the post and I agree with what OP did. Im not fussed if others don't, all are entitled to their own opinions and thats entirely how it should be on an internet board.

SelectAUserName · 28/03/2014 02:35

Ah, it's one of those threads.

OP: AIBU?
Majority of MN: YABU
OP: No I'm not, and you're all dim.

You couldn't bear two complete strangers, whose opinion doesn't matter and who you're unlikely to see again, thinking you were the kind of parent who thinks it's acceptable for DCs to play on devices at the dinner, so you felt you had to correct their perception of you as a parent. But hey, guess what - you WERE being the kind of parent who thinks it's acceptable for DCs to play on devices at the dinner table, so their opinion was actually quite valid.

You set quite the example for your DCs, didn't you? Mixed messages about the use of devices at the table, eavesdropping, insecurity, making assumptions, rudely interrupting someone else's meal...

Aventurine · 28/03/2014 07:38

I think it was the couple who were rude and it's good that the op challenged them. Op obviously didn't challenge them in a confrontational way because of the way the conversation panned out. The couple were rude to loudly and incorrectly imply that the children would end up with poor conversational skills based on a snapshot. Sitting in a restaurant and passing judgement on other diners indicates that their own conversational skills weren't all that advanced anyway.

UptheChimney · 28/03/2014 07:47

The couple were having a private conversation. The OP was eavesdropping.

mercibucket · 28/03/2014 07:50

who knows?
op could have been a raving lunatic
what else can a couple in their 60s (or older) do if someone, almost by default aggressively as they are interrupting a private converstion, challenges them? placate the unpredictable nutter seems the safest strategy

wonder if op would be so brave with a different demographic?

ilovesooty · 28/03/2014 07:55

I can't believe they actually apologised to you after you so rudely interrupted their meal to regale them with all the self important details of your parenting.