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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To challenge couple in restaurant who judged my DCs?

336 replies

TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 19:38

Had dinner out earlier in an Italian restaurant. I agreed that the DCs (11 and 9) could play their Kindle Fires for 10-15 minutes when we got there. This is not sth they do often - they never usually play them in a restaurant or even around the dinner table at home.

Two tables away a couple (mid 60s) were tutting head shaking and he said "the trouble is they lose the art of conversation". I don't think they intended me to hear it, but it came over loud and clear.

I waited until they had finished their starter then approached them. I said in a quiet voice that I was sorry for interrupting them and that I heard what they had said. I said I wanted to let them know that my children had had a busy day at school and the eldest one had just had a one hour language tuition session after school. That I said that they can play for 15 minutes and that it's not sth we would normally do blah blah. They apologised for the comment and said they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.). I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.

I clearly felt the need to challenge their judgemental view. I was sat there for some time trying to decide whether to say something or not and the saying something clearly got the better of me. I just felt that they know nothing about us and what we would normally do. I didn't want them to go away with an assumption about me/my kids/other kids (am a bit sick of hearing about the downfall of the youth of today from older generations).

But was I being unreasonable? Should I have just ignored them (after 15 minutes kids had put Kindles away and we were chatting amongst ourselves and maybe they'd have seen this).

OP posts:
Bahhhhhumbug · 27/03/2014 21:21

Chinese ????? Grin Well fuck me , no wonder Tarquin needed some 'downtime' whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean .

sorry ! swear box anyone? - pass it round then.

Hahahahahahahahahahahah - it's good 'ere innit ?

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 21:22

I'm very distressed for her that she thinks Chinese is a language...sorry, it's still cracking me up Grin

Sandiacre · 27/03/2014 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UptheChimney · 27/03/2014 21:25

So you eavesdropped on a private conversation, and then challenged the people about it while they were eating their supper?

I can't quite believe this ... it's so rude.

So maybe they were judging you & your children? It was a private conversation. What's that old saying about eavesdroppers hearing ill of themselves?

indigo18 · 27/03/2014 21:27

YADBU, and very rude.

ArtexMonkey · 27/03/2014 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bahhhhhumbug · 27/03/2014 21:29

'Indian next term' hahahahahahahahahaha - stop now , I've got a stitch.

You lot should all be comedy writers,

HelpfulChap · 27/03/2014 21:32

YABU

I would love to have swapped places with that couple whose meal you interrupted..

penguinplease · 27/03/2014 21:32

to be honest if your kids hadn't had anything to do but had been noisy they would have had something to say about that too.
Opinions are like arseholes and for some reason comments about other peoples kids/parenting seem to be the hardest for some to keep to themselves.

I think you didn't need to justify what your kids were doing but I guess and least you didn't shout over and tell them to mind their own fucking business and flick them the v's. Which I might have been tempted to do..

WorraLiberty · 27/03/2014 21:37

I know I'm spectacularly missing the point but what's the point in using a Kindle for just 10-15 minutes?

It's hardly worth turning it on, surely? Confused

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 21:39

.....maybe they were brushing up on their Chinese? Sorry, I've flogged it to death, going to stop now, honest.

Bahhhhhumbug · 27/03/2014 21:41

To give them a little bit of 'downtime' Worra of course , do keep up ! Grin

WorraLiberty · 27/03/2014 21:45

Friggin hell! Grin

ballsballsballs · 27/03/2014 21:45

YABU.

ilovesooty · 27/03/2014 21:50

to be honest if your kids hadn't had anything to do but had been noisy they would have had something to say about that too

They're 11 and 9, not toddlers. Surely they ought to be capable of not being noisy if they had "nothing to do"?

lucycoco · 27/03/2014 21:52

"It's like that story about the kids misbehaving on the subway (NY?). The dad was letting it happen. Someone finally complained to him and told him to keep his kids in line. He apologised and said their mother had just died at the hospital."

Is that supposed to be a meaningful lesson in why we should never judge?! Jesus, that is painful.

Maybe the couple you confronted had just had something awful happen in their lives that meant they were talking uncharacteristically loudly without thinking how that affected you? Maybe they're both hard of hearing? Maybe they had been involved in a terrible accident caused by children playing on Kindles in restaurants [i]ofcoursetheybloodyweren't[/i], but: let's not turn it into something it's not. They judged you, you judged them back and now you're being sanctimonious about it on a forum.

claraschu · 27/03/2014 21:55

This reminds me of a great story Obama tells about his dad. Some people were making racist comments in a bar (which were directed at his dad). His dad went over to them, and in a very civilised and educated way explained the origins and history of racism, and showed them how unreasonable it was. They listened to him at first because he was an imposing man, but apparently he won them over.

Maybe it is worth challenging people to look at their prejudices, if you are able to do it in a persuasive way.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 27/03/2014 21:56

Chinese as a language. Obama's dad. Comparing playing a kindle to losing a parent.

This thread is just the gift that keeps on giving!

JeanSeberg · 27/03/2014 22:07

I know Chippy I'm going to bed actually LOLing. Grin

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 27/03/2014 22:15

Me too Jean. Maybe the OP should have said to the couple "did you mean to be so rude?" Grin

ilovesooty · 27/03/2014 22:26

Obama's dad and the origins of racism? Goodness: I've heard it all now. What a bizarre comparison.

JeanSeberg · 27/03/2014 22:28

Can we somehow shoehorn Rosa Parks into this? Or the French resistance?

slithytove · 27/03/2014 22:28

I thought kindles were for reading?

I do wonder if a similar judgement would have been made if the two kids were sat there reading a book as I did every single meal

JeanSeberg · 27/03/2014 22:30

Presumsably they were reading War and Peace in Russian though?

consideringadoption84 · 27/03/2014 22:30

I don't like to see children in restaurants using gadgets or devices of any kind but they were being unreasonable to judge you audibly. How did they know your children weren't autistic and needed them? It's also none of anybody else's business what you do or do not allow your children to do. I would have been mortified if you'd come over to me but it would be because I knew I deserved it.

But I don't think I would have bothered going over - too much hassle and potential for conflict. I would have flushed with embarrassment, asked the children to put them away and felt like a failure all evening (yes, I'm that oversensitive!!)

I don't see what's so hilarious about the Chinese comment really. My school offers Mandarin Chinese lessons and they are rarely referred to in full. The children often say they're learning Chinese. I suppose the adults are more likely to say Mandarin but it's just picking one half of the name to abbreviate really isn't it. Does it matter which half? If it's Cantonese then that's different.

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