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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If someone you knew was a TA posted this ...

167 replies

consideringadoption84 · 26/03/2014 17:09

Sorry, this is my first AIBU. I hope I'm doing it right!?

I saw this on my facebook feed just now. The person who has posted it is a teaching assistant. I feel like messaging her because:
a) It's really inoffensive and inappropriate
b) I don't want someone to see it and inform her school rather than her because I wouldn't be surprised if it could get her in trouble?

I'm a teacher so I'm not naïve enough to think that those who work in education are perfect and never say anything un PC or thoughtless about the children they work with but to do it so publicly is very foolish right?

It's the kind of shit my mum is always spouting. I can try and tell her about special needs as much as I like but it's pointless; she was a teacher in the 70s and therefore 'knows' that 'nobody had any of these syndromes and disorder things in those days'. I think current educators should know better.

Or am I just being a humourless lemon sucking spoilsport?!

If someone you knew was a TA posted this ...
OP posts:
Renniehorta · 26/03/2014 17:27

Why are people so po-faced and humourless these days? It is called gallows humour and is very good for you if you are under stress. It is also to be found amongst the medical profession.

picnicbasketcase · 26/03/2014 17:29

Seen it now, I don't think it's appropriate for someone working with children to post either. And it's not funny.

Original poster
consideringadoption84 · 26/03/2014 17:29

Okay, thank you, I'm going to send the message (I shouldn't have needed the justification really but I'm a wuss - I almost never challenge on facebook and haven't seen this woman for about 10 years. Time to find some courage!)

thecatfromjapan - no, I couldn't do that.

Fastwindow - I will phrase the message as if I assume that she is laughing at how unenlightened people are but tell her it's open to misinterpretation. That will either be true or passive aggressive I suppose but I prefer that to open aggression, especially if she doesn't agree with the picture after all!

Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 26/03/2014 17:29

I took it to mean taking the piss out of the old farts with that opinion.
In which case she is actually being supportive of SN being genuine nit just bad behaviour

sarahquilt · 26/03/2014 17:30

TBH she hasn't mentioned anyone by name so there's no real problem, although I admit it's not ideal.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/03/2014 17:31

Its not being po faced and humourless to object to shitty offensive memes.

elliejjtiny · 26/03/2014 17:31

My mum always says that autism, adhd etc didn't exist "in her day". I tell her that of course they existed, but they weren't very well understood (understatement). There is a man who lives near me who has SN and our elderly neighbours describe him as "not right in the head" which I find very sad. I have 2 children with SN and I hope that attitudes towards them will improve but I'm not holding my breath.

Original poster
consideringadoption84 · 26/03/2014 17:31

I get the point about gallows humour Rennie As I said, I'm not claiming that I'm perfect and have never made an inappropriate comment about a child. But I think it's very wrong (and professional suicide) to do so on facebook and I also think that this issue goes a little beyond gallows humour because so many people do believe exactly that.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 26/03/2014 17:34

A TA thick enough to post that needs reporting.

corlan · 26/03/2014 17:35

As a TA myself, I would think it's 'Gallows Humour'. I've never met a TA that agrees with the opinion on the poster (met a few teachers that do though!)

meditrina · 26/03/2014 17:36

I took it as a joke on old buffers, not a serious commentary on SpLDs.

2 of my 3 DC have SpLDs.

Smilesandpiles · 26/03/2014 17:37

Just reply with:

" That's right, back in the day ignorance was rife but now, thanks to advances in medicine, mental and behavioural disorders this isn't the case anymore. As a result, those who work or live with people with these medical conditions can understand their needs and perform their job with a much higher quality with much more understanding."

I had a training TA tell me to my face that ADHD didn't exist and it was just down to poor parenting, lack of diet and exercise. She was gaining work experience with my son who has ADHD. I complained. She's not working with him anymore and I don't give her the time of day. To make things worse, she has autistic kids of her own so she of all people should bloody well know better.

magimedi · 26/03/2014 17:37

I am with thecatfromjapan:

"A little bit of me says that you should just forward/send a screenshot of it to the SENCO at her school, then sit back with some popcorn."

Picturesinthefirelight · 26/03/2014 17:41

This is why I'm having to spend 2.5k on private educational psychologists in attempt to get a diagnoses for my son so his future teachers don't treat him like a little shit but realise he's a lovely caring little boy who needs extra help & different ways of doing things sometimes & who has been desperately unhappy at school as he gets frustrated with himself.

He can be a little shit at times, but he has a lovely nature whereas I know other children are just naughty/nasty due to upbringing.

He's got a loving grandad willing to pay. What about the poor sods that haven't in an area where cuts in funding for the asd unit & a hopeless camhs mean you can't get an NHS referral.

Renniehorta · 26/03/2014 17:44

There's nothing wrong with gallows humour. It is obviously shows a lack of judgement to post it on FB as you seem to encounter such humourless people there.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/03/2014 17:45

It isnt gallows humour though.

Its ignorant offensive 'humour'.

Contrarian78 · 26/03/2014 17:50

It's tricky. I personally found it mildly amusing. I don't use Faceache, but I'd not struggle to mount a pretty decent defence for someone who posted that picture and a "smiley face" Hardly a smoking gun.

What it does speak to though (and I recall this was in the news recently) was the degree of subjectivity there is around these sorts of things. My brother and I almost certainly had special needs and would almost certainly have been diagnosed as having ADHD today. Instead, we were just 'naughty boys' and dealt with accordingly. It wasn't easy, but the outcome (for us at least) has been better than it has been for my niece who has been on ritalin? forthe last 6 years and has recently left school.

A rose by any other name. I think that even for the most 'challenging' pupils, are best served by discipline and a cheeky/sneaky left hook and often I think that the entire industry which has sprung up to deal with these issues (dyslexia is another one - at what point is someone dylexic rather than just not being paricualrly good at reading?) has been self-serving, rather than making any real difference to pupils' outcomes.

thecatfromjapan · 26/03/2014 17:54

consideringadoption84 - I hope she appreciates your friendship, you are being a good friend.

adsy · 26/03/2014 17:58

Excellent contrarion but you will get flamed despite having very much first hand experience of the issue. I too believe there is a whole self serving industry built up around some people who would benefit from a more "old fashioned " attitude.
yes, yes, I appreciate there are genuine cases where children fail to understand what behaviour is expected of them or are incapable of behaving as told, I'm talking about the wilfully bady behaved ones.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/03/2014 18:06

I can't reconcile having first hand experience of the issue with posting such ignorant stuff.

I am frankly bemused.

Goblinchild · 26/03/2014 18:09

You'd be surprised how often the same strategies work for both children with a behavioural disorder and those who don't have one.

My child needs consistency, clear boundaries, advance warning of change and an understanding of what he is, is not and might be capable of. He needs logic and fairness and someone to listen when he explains what's wrong, or what he's finding difficult. He needs to be taught how to deal with challenges in an effective manner. He needs to know his responsibilities and have his rights acknowledged.

Bullying, attempts at dominating him, erratic and unfair treatment is ineffective. Which are also some of the hallmarks of crap parenting.
It's complicated. Children are complicated. A meme will never have the answer.

Goblinchild · 26/03/2014 18:11

It's from the same bag of manure as the blaming of all ills on the breakdown of the nuclear family, women working instead of raising their own children and a lack of morality in society.

Contrarian78 · 26/03/2014 18:15

The fact is and remains that for SOME kids, discipline is what's required. Because we've now identified an issue and given it a name it's difficult to treat kids for just being little shits it absolves many people (including the 'sufferer') from any responsibility.

At my daughter's school, there are two young lads with very very real learning difficulties (of the type we've been discussing). It does nobody any favours not to distinguish between those lads, who I genuinely feel sorry for (one in particular), and those kids that, for the most part, would rather just not do as they were told that was the camp I was probably in

When you get out into the big wide world, there are rules to follow and consequences if you don't. It doesn't help anyone to perpetuate this myth that you don't have to take responsiblity. For some with real issues, it's a problem. For many others though........

NigellasDealer · 26/03/2014 18:16

dyslexia is another one - at what point is someone dylexic rather than just not being paricualrly good at reading
sorry but that is bollocks my daughter is dyslexic and has a reading age of 16 plus (ok she is 15 but i am still proud because for years she was really behind in these things)

Minifingers · 26/03/2014 18:17

If my SN son's TA posted this I'd take it straight to the head. It's lamentable. She must be a bit thick.