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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about dress fitting??

38 replies

VelvetSpoon · 24/03/2014 23:25

Am bridesmaid to a friend later this year. Wedding in approx 6 months time.

Bride has contacted us to say she needs us to attend bridal shop ASAP to be measured for dress. Apparently this needs to be done in the next few weeks.

Bridal shop is a good 2 hour journey from my house (by public transport- I don't drive), and is only open limited hours on weekends. I won't be able to go on a Sat, as my DS has a tutor on Sats and by the time it finishes, I wouldn't be able to get over there before the shop closes. I might be able to go on a Sun, provided there are trains running (frequent engineering works at present).

Also, I am losing weight, have been for the last year. I expect to be at least a dress size smaller in 6 months (if not 2) so a bit reluctant to be 'measured' when my measurements are changing.

If this could wait another few months, I won't have the issue of the tutor (only going on for another 6-8 weeks, is for DS's GCSEs) so more free time on a Sat. Plus I will be closer to the size I expect to be by the wedding.

WIBU to ask to postpone this? Bride seems to want it done yesterday, 2 BMs have been already, however y are local, and not dieting! I don't want to cause WW3, but (having never been a BM before, nor been married) I don't know if leaving it any nearer the wedding will cause a problem...

OP posts:

Lottiedoubtie · 24/03/2014 23:28

It will cause a problem, bridal shops expect at least a six month lead time on orders I'm afraid.

It's bloody inconvenient- but then most of being a BM is! If you want to do it and love our friend I'm afraid you'll have to suck it up!

It'll cost more but if you order in your current size you can then get it taken in, the shop probably provide this service.

Lottiedoubtie · 24/03/2014 23:29

Your friend obviously, we don't (I think!) have a mutual friend

GreenLandsOfHome · 24/03/2014 23:29

It depends on where she's buying the dress from.

I'm getting married in June and am only ordering my wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses this week. But it's dresses from China and delivery takes a month, even in custom fit.

If the shop needs to order them in she won't be able to hang around and wait. You'll have to get a custom for for as you are and then a dressmaker to adjust/take it in.

Rather than going to the shop, can you just get detailed instructions on what measurements you need and then get a friend/hubby to do it and just phone the shop with your measurements?

It's fairly fool proof really. I measured my bridesmaids and DH measured me.

Shesparkles · 24/03/2014 23:31

YABU, It's the long lead time that manufacturers insist on that's the issue, not your friend being demanding. 9 times out of 10 the dresses will need altered anyway.
As a BM, you really are expected to at least give up a day for your dress, let alone the bride's. I don't want to dishearten you, but my friend owns a bridal shop, and I do alterations, if I had a pound for every bridesmaid who was going to go down at least a dress size....
If your ds is having tutoring for GCSEs, isn't he old enough to go to it alone, or isn't there someone else who can take him?

ilikebaking · 24/03/2014 23:33

I ordered my dress in Nov for an Aug wedding and it arrived in June (silk dupion, handmade)- it so does depend on the make.
Don't make a fuss, the dress can be taken in, in six months time xx

ICanSeeTheSun · 24/03/2014 23:34

Is your son able to be left alone.

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 24/03/2014 23:36

The tutor comes to our house. I'm a LP, so need to be here (the tution co. ask for an adult to be present, which means me).

Having dropped 3-4 dress sizes in the last 9 months, I do think I fairly certainly will be at least a size smaller in 6 months time, especially as I have also now started running regularly.

I don't mind telling her the measurements, but there seemed to be an expectation that I physically go to the shop, which given distance and timings is going to be awkward to say the least.

OP posts:

ICanSeeTheSun · 24/03/2014 23:40

Could you get a lift from the B2B

Inertia · 24/03/2014 23:44

I'd reply to bride that you can come on a Sunday as long as she picks you up.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 24/03/2014 23:45

Could you explain the issue to the bride?
Is she able to drive you to the Bridal shop / have someone who could give you a lift so you can get there on time?
I would be inclined to contact the bride and explain getting there on time on the weekend is difficult and talk through ideas with her. Maybe see if the bridal shop will stay open for you to get there as a one off, if they are sure they are getting a big order they may do it out of politeness.
If you say you are willing to get there and try and suggest solutions hopefully your friend will help you out where she can.

wheresthelight · 24/03/2014 23:46

i understand your issue OP but as another poster has said, bridal shops need a minimum of 6 months to order dresses. The one i ordered mine from request 9 months.

YAB a little U, can you change the tutor's day for one week or ask another friend to sit with DS so you can go, or ask the bride if she can collect you and drop you home again after?

Robfordscrack · 24/03/2014 23:46

I think you should do it and get it out the way - it's no problem for a shop to take a dress in. The lead time for these dresses is normally around 6 months - and that's the shop making that lead time, not her. I am sure f=if you can explain the situation you can get a mutual friend to sit with your son. Do it now and let her stop stressing about it.

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 24/03/2014 23:55

I really don't have anyone to be here with DS - I don't have any family, and my local friends either work on a Sat, or have other commitments.

I don't live near the bride or any of the BMs (all live near each other, and near-ish the shop, I am about 45 mins by car from them, nearly 2 hours by public transport, in a different direction) I can ask for a lift, worth a try.

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 24/03/2014 23:58

i would talk to the tutor company as well, see if you could change the weeks he has sessions or the day for one week only - or even do it earlier/later.

Good luck and try not to be too hard on the bride, the shops really do need a ridiculously long lead time

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/03/2014 07:44

Would it be impossible to order a size down? Because likely you'll be able to get into it, and honestly, if it's a tiny bit big I doubt anyone will notice - bridesmaids' dresses are usually there to look nicely co-ordinated rather than high fashion.

I'd think a decent dressmaker would be able to do that - surely they deal with brides who're losing weight all the time?

WooWooOwl · 25/03/2014 07:54

I think if you've agreed to be a bridesmaid, you have already agreed to put yourself out for things like this so you should make the effort.

I was a bridesmaid for someone that lives 2.5 hours away last year, stuff like this was a bit of a pain, but it had to be done. It wouldn't be fair to the bride to agree to be a bridesmaid and then be awkward about normal things that bridesmaids have to do.

I'd get it sorted, and if the dress is too big nearer the time, then you can take the dress and have it altered yourself closer to home.

HelenHen · 25/03/2014 07:55

Theres an expectation for you to get to the shop cos it's the norm but I can't see why you can't give measurements over the phone! Ring the shop and ask. If they say yes, ask your friend if this is ok!

Just to warn you though, I recently filled in as a bridesmaid 'coz the dress fit'. Original bridesmaid ordered a size down cos she was losing weight. Dress was nowhere close to fitting so even though this girl was moh and organised everything in lead up, she could not be bridesmaid on the day!

If all of this turns out to be too much trouble and causing you and your friend stress, is it possible to step down? You want your friends wedding to run as smoothly as possible! Can you reorganise tutor for a different day/time?

Catnuzzle · 25/03/2014 08:02

Can you not find out the details of the dress make/brand/designer and find a local supplier so that you can attend for fittings at your own convenience? As long as the bride supplies the style and colour she wants you to have, she can then leave it to you to sort?

firesidechat · 25/03/2014 08:06

As others have already said, the dresses may well have to be ordered now if they come from a bridal shop. In some cases 6 months is the minimum.

As to the losing weight thing, well let's just say that a relative of mine was down one bridesmaid on the big day. The bridesmaid insisted that her dress be ordered in a size smaller than her real size because she was on a diet. She became mysteriously unavailable as the wedding approached and you can probably guess the rest.

pinkr · 25/03/2014 08:06

I was newly pregnant...10weeks...When I went shopping for a bridesmaid dress. The woman in the shop insisted on ordering a size 22 for me... due date four weeks before wedding... normally a 12.
By the time the wedding came I was literally shedding weight daily and was below my pre birth weight... no problem... They just took it in the Sunday before the wedding and... Four days later I had to have another quick tweak as I'd lost even more... result being I went to the wedding with a dress that fitted perfectly.
My point being if the can reduce a 22 to a 10/12 easily and looking great..You should be fine to go with your current measurements for now.
Always order bigger.. They can make a 22 into a 12 but not a 12 into a 22

CoffeeTea103 · 25/03/2014 08:06

I think you should make the effort tbh. Surely the tutor arrangement can be moved around for one day.
It's also in your best interest to get measured and fitted at the shop, the last thing you want is a dress that doesn't fit or is difficult to alter which might cause stress to the bride.

firesidechat · 25/03/2014 08:08

Oh and dresses can be taken in, but very rarely let out.

firesidechat · 25/03/2014 08:09

Oops, cross posted with pinkr.

Kittymalinky · 25/03/2014 08:11

Bridal shops need about 6 months to order dresses.

My bridesmaid dress was ordered a few months ago for wedding in aug. I'm already almost 2 stone lighter and will be close to 2/3 dress sizes smaller.

I plan to go and have it fitted and altered about a month before the wedding.

I'm afraid as that's just how it is with wedding shops.

LizardBreath · 25/03/2014 08:13

It's a pisser being a bridesmaid when you're a distance away from the others, however you do need to make some effort if you want to do it. Could you step down?

I've been bridesmaid twice recently, living roughly 2 hours from the rest of the party. As others have said, I did try on the style of dress in my own area to check general fit. However I did go over and get measured when it came to the actual ordering bit. I'd chat to your friend, if they are off the peg you may just be able to order your size and then have it adjusted nearer the time.

If also just go with your measurements now. Much easier to take in than stress about being too tight!

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