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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about dress fitting??

38 replies

VelvetSpoon · 24/03/2014 23:25

Am bridesmaid to a friend later this year. Wedding in approx 6 months time.

Bride has contacted us to say she needs us to attend bridal shop ASAP to be measured for dress. Apparently this needs to be done in the next few weeks.

Bridal shop is a good 2 hour journey from my house (by public transport- I don't drive), and is only open limited hours on weekends. I won't be able to go on a Sat, as my DS has a tutor on Sats and by the time it finishes, I wouldn't be able to get over there before the shop closes. I might be able to go on a Sun, provided there are trains running (frequent engineering works at present).

Also, I am losing weight, have been for the last year. I expect to be at least a dress size smaller in 6 months (if not 2) so a bit reluctant to be 'measured' when my measurements are changing.

If this could wait another few months, I won't have the issue of the tutor (only going on for another 6-8 weeks, is for DS's GCSEs) so more free time on a Sat. Plus I will be closer to the size I expect to be by the wedding.

WIBU to ask to postpone this? Bride seems to want it done yesterday, 2 BMs have been already, however y are local, and not dieting! I don't want to cause WW3, but (having never been a BM before, nor been married) I don't know if leaving it any nearer the wedding will cause a problem...

OP posts:

andadietcoke · 25/03/2014 08:14

I was a bridesmaid a few years ago and was adamant I'd be at least a size smaller by the wedding. I wasn't. Fortunately we ordered for the size I was - it's a lot easier to take dresses in than let the seams out.

However, I didn't have to go and get measured in the shop (in London, I'm in Manchester). I just gave my measurements and they ordered the size based on the biggest measurement. No reason why you couldn't do the same, really.

AShowerOfBastards · 25/03/2014 08:20

YABU I'm afraid, if you have agreed to be BM you must expect a little inconvenience and hassle for the sake of making your friend's wedding run smoothly.

I was BM for my best friend last summer, we live 4 hours apart but I still had to make a round trip for my dress fitting. Also when my DD1 was flower girl for my other best friend in the autumn, same distance away, the shop did let us forgoe the first fitting if I measured her myself according to their instructions, but again we had to travel up for the final fitting. Could you ask to do this, so they can at least get the dress ordered in your current size and then you can go in person to try it in a few months when you may say you might find traveling easier?

Weddings are a pain but ultimately if you want to do it hopefully you'll find a way to accommodate the difficulties.

Emubaby · 25/03/2014 09:02

I was a BM last year, 4 months after I gave birth to dd. When I had my measurements I was 7 months pregnant so obviously a completely different shape to at the wedding.. The lady measuring measured me and then 'guessed my size' when not pregnant. I was so worried the dress wouldn't fit but the women assured me it would be fine.. It fitted like a glove.. I was amazed! Another BM was on a diet and they just ordered a dress a size down, no stress. However I would bear in mind they will do another fit a few weeks before the wedding to make sure they fit perfectly and it is much am easier to make a dress smaller than make it bigger so would not order it too small.
With regarded as to measurements you should be able to measure your self and email the measurements across, I would just speak to the bride.

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 25/03/2014 10:07

should point out originally we were going to have off the peg dresses from a high st store (which would've been fine, I'd have told her to order me a 12, job done). However she has now changed her mind and gone for these other dresses, which are lovely but require us to be fitted etc.

I've emailed her and explained how difficult it is (at the moment) for me to get there, and that as an alternative I'm happy to send my measurements to her/the shop, so long as shop dont have a problem with that - and that I'd be happy to go along for a fitting nearer the time when I'll have less stuff on. I've also said if she really needs me to go in person to be measured, then I can do, but wouldneed someone to give me a lift, as I wont be able to get there in time otherwise.

Now to wait and see what she says...

OP posts:

RedFocus · 25/03/2014 10:59

If you can't make the effort then I think you should step down from being a bridesmaid. It's no big deal just tell the bride it's just not possible.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/03/2014 11:03

Dresses can take six months to arrive, that's not the bride being awkward. Don't forget, it's easier to take a dress in the bit is to let it out.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/03/2014 11:03

*than it is to let it out.

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 25/03/2014 11:17

Well, no reply as yet.

I think suggesting sending my measurements or for someone to give me a lift (if I need to attend in person) is a reasonable alternative. I don't want to step down, but I can't be in 2 places at once.

OP posts:

SlimJiminy · 25/03/2014 15:08

Could you call her and have a chat about it? Tone of voice can make all the difference and emails aren't always the best way to convey the right tone. She'll have a load of things to get done and will probably just want to get this out of the way.

Lots of brides say they want high street bridesmaids dresses at first to keep costs down but then when they realise there's not much difference in cost between high street and bridal boutiques (which can work out cheaper, depending on what styles you're after) they change their minds - not uncommon.

It's great that you're losing weight, but I would be ordering current size and taking it in if/when the time comes rather than taking your word for it. MUCH easier to make a too-big dress smaller than make a too-small dress bigger!! That's probably another reason she'll want you measured at the shop - leave you and your measurements in the hands of the experts. She doesn't need that to worry about in the run up to her wedding day.

minibmw2010 · 25/03/2014 15:11

Could you go to a local tailor/dress maker and ask them to measure you and send those measurements to her? So that way she'd know the measurements were done by someone with dress making experience? Also, get the dress for the weight you are now. It can always be taken in, but they can rarely be taken out.

mrsjay · 25/03/2014 15:12

the initial fittings are usually that long before i am afraid then they do last minute alternations a few weeks before you really need to try and go and find a babysitter or something if you are being BM you cant really much dress shops about ,

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 25/03/2014 19:28

I emailed her at work - she's not allowed a phone on at work (and half the time doesn't have it on when she's not at work) so the quickest way to get hold of her is usually by email.

Hopefully I'll hear from her later today, or tomorrow.

OP posts:

oneearedrabbit · 25/03/2014 19:35

how about contacting the tutor and re arranging the time for just one Saturday? other people might be changing times due to holidays, etc, so they might be able to help you out. Or doing a double session on another date to give you a free sat in the next couple of weeks? I do agree with the posters above, they need plenty of time in bridal shops so you need to go quickly, and they may even be holding up the order for you.

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