Pregnant friend giving advice on breastfeeding

[Rebeccalikesgin]

My friend is pregnant and I have recently had a little girl who is 4 months old. I really struggled with breastfeeding at the beginning, with the latch, and the sore nipples etc and she witnessed me nursing quite early on in loads of pain. I persevered (proud of myself, and massive respect for every woman who has ever breastfed, ever!) and have only just stopped breastfeeding as dd seemed to not like it by more and preferred a bottle (feeling v guilty and sad about this)

Said friend smugly told me the other week that had I gone to the NCT class on breastfeeding and watched the video then I would not have had all the problems I had in the first few weeks.

AIBU to think that she's a total cow for saying this and that I hope she realises when she has her baby soon? Her baby hasnt seen the flipping video has it! It's really annoyed me!

I'm sure I wasn't this righteous and know it all when I was pregnant!!

Xx

Oooh I loved breastfeeding....have been blessed with the most selective memory in history...projectile reflux, mastitis, crying as a bad latch jagged the pain, cluster feeding combined with reflux (lost a few weeks there) seem to remember by dd2 finding her attached and no clue how we both got there.

I did feel like I was at war and my body was going to flipping well win ... but I really loved a lot of it too and the cuddles, little hand squishing my boob, hefty milky suck made my whole body lurch with love for my little succubus. It is awful and joyful ...

This.... so much this!

CrohnicallyChanging - I have thought about finding a proper specialist, but on the other hand sometimes she does latch fine. If she had a tongue (or lip) tie, surely she'd never manage it at all?

Apologies to OP for the hijack!!

As for the letdown.. weird thing. With my first three it was more of a gentle tingling aka Emma's Tingling This time out I get the full on vice/sandpaper thing, although part of me wonders if that's because she's done a number on my nipples..

I am beginning to think that I actually didn't have much milk left towards the end. Which is maybe why she was getting fed up with me! I've not been in agony with cricket ball tits since Sunday when I pumped some off. Feeling less bad about it now but not really sure how much formula she's supposed to be having so going to speak with the HV at the breastfeeding clinic tomorrow (oh, the irony! Hope they don't kick me out!!)
You're all right she knows fuck all and will probably get exactly the same shock as we all did, when she presents her baby with her nipple and it doesn't know what the hell to do with it! Xx

crispy not necessarily. I found with DD that so many factors played a part... How hungry she was, how tired she was, which boob I was feeding off, how full my boobs were, and she had to be in a certain position and even a few mm off would mean she couldn't latch at all.

She was 13 days before she could breastfeed at all (up to that point she had been syringe/cup/bottle fed) and that was with the help of a support worker, it took the two of us to hold her right and support my boob to get her to latch. It was another 2 days before I managed a feed on my own, and she was 12 weeks before she could feed off my right boob at night!

If you google 'Catherine Watson Genna' and look at the quick help on her web page, there are a few pictures and explanations for you to spot trickier tongue ties yourself. With DD her tie was very hard to spot because she never lifted her tongue. In fact, she couldn't. She's almost 18 months old now, and I saw her lift her tongue so i could see the underside for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I am always amazed when I see young babies cry and their tongues lift!

Rebecca, a rough guideline is to offer your baby about 150ml per kg of their weight every day.

Before I started my son on solids, he was having approximately 1050ml per day (7kg x 150ml) spread over 4 feeds (it had previously been 7 smaller feeds but he dropped some as he started to sleep through the night). I would always put more than he wanted in the bottle, in case he was extra hungry at a feed. It took me a while to work out when he'd had enough as I think he would have drunk litres and then regurgitated it all later but we got there! He tended to want slightly bigger feeds in the late afternoon and evening. He did go through a period when he was 3-5 months of having nearer 200ml per kg, which was ok according to the GP as he's a long, big baby with tall parents, and his weight gain closely followed his line in the red book.

Bankholiday sorry if I'm hijacking but that's really interesting! So does that mean if you have a bigger baby they will want more milk?
I always thought there was just a normal amount for all newborns (or every 2-3 hours) DD was 4.7kg and I felt like she was permanently attached to me... Suck suck suck!! Would take her 40-60 mins to finish a feed, another 20 to burp her and then 40 mins later she'd be ready for another feed!! It was reeeeeally demanding and tiring. She really was a hungry baby. Plus she never lost weight. She gained 500grams in the first week and remained 98th/99th centile since. She's nearly 3 and still 99th centile.

Oh I was all set to be the perfect breast feeder with my first one.

It didn't happen, he simply refused to latch on, ever. I went to every class and expert under the sun and in the meantime expressed and fed him from a boob bottle. It was hell; he'd sleep, I'd express, he'd feed then it would start all over again. I was exhausted and I eventually gave up at 4 weeks feeling like a total and utter failure (thanks NCT). I then made the mistake of bottle feeding at an NCT coffee morning where an utter bitch had a go at me and said I hadn't tried hard enough and "what would have happened in the bush." I had a go back ("well I would have died in childbirth in the fucking bush so there would have been no need to breast feed) but then went home and sobbed for hours. Thinking about it now makes me very, very stabby. Very.

My daughter latched on almost as soon as she was born. I was ELATED. Then came ten weeks of total utter agony. I used to have a towel handy to bite down on, the pain was so extreme. I was addicted to that lansinoh cream like hard drugs. I manged 8 months and I'm so happy I did but FUCK it was awful for so long...

I'm so sorry I can't do ml! I will try and convert as that's really helpful, thank you!

The past few days I have been offering 6oz 5 times a day as per the packaging (aptamil) but as she goes to bed at 7 and sleeps for 11.5 hours that has to be spread over a short period so she isn't hungry enough to take 6oz each time. I am wondering whether to change it to 4 feeds a day more spread out now.

But also breastfed a bit today too as I missed it so much - don't think I am really ready to stop, even though she seems to be! I am having mega emotional time like in the beginning when she was a newborn - there have been tears today!

Fandabbydozy woah the NCT bitch sounds like a right rotter!!!! I hope she gets her just desserts. I would've cried too x

fannydabby you did well to make it to 4 weeks! I managed 2 weeks of exclusive expressing which coincided with my DH's 2 weeks of paternity leave. I wouldn't have managed any longer. Though I wonder if your babies might have also had tongue tie- it does run in families. Might be worth bearing in mind if you have any more children.

(Ps, I know it seems like I'm just telling everyone their baby has tongue tie, but it's far more common than people realise- approx 1 in 10. And the vast majority of people I know who have seriously struggled with breastfeeding, their babies have had tongue tie)

Oh thank you Karin for the quote..am a while on the other side... and though did 3 for a year each can't say it was like any film, completely agree that each is different and if I had dd2 first would have been the smuggest judgeypants in the world..
The sandwich of dd1 and ds completely showed that this is a relationship you are building and at the very minimum 50% is not in your complete control, whether tongue tie, illness, separation in early days.. then factor in the personality of your baby, laid back not bothered because you'll practically squish the boob in their mouth and keep squishing so they get most via a bizarre breast feeding but not really combo with a bit of a suck (the eventual boob squisher with long drain) or panicky gulper.

I really would love to go round new/to be mums and give you all a big dose of non judgement.

In fact non judgement should be the way for a huge amount of being a woman.

More babies???

Are you kidding me?

Not gonna happen! Ds was a three day labour followed by an emergency c section then the whole non feeding malarkey. Dd was another c section which was fine - except I got a superbug infection in my wound... Then PND.

My contribution to the human race is done.