Pregnant friend giving advice on breastfeeding

[Rebeccalikesgin]

My friend is pregnant and I have recently had a little girl who is 4 months old. I really struggled with breastfeeding at the beginning, with the latch, and the sore nipples etc and she witnessed me nursing quite early on in loads of pain. I persevered (proud of myself, and massive respect for every woman who has ever breastfed, ever!) and have only just stopped breastfeeding as dd seemed to not like it by more and preferred a bottle (feeling v guilty and sad about this)

Said friend smugly told me the other week that had I gone to the NCT class on breastfeeding and watched the video then I would not have had all the problems I had in the first few weeks.

AIBU to think that she's a total cow for saying this and that I hope she realises when she has her baby soon? Her baby hasnt seen the flipping video has it! It's really annoyed me!

I'm sure I wasn't this righteous and know it all when I was pregnant!!

Xx

I did NCT classes and the breast feeding one. Of my whole class (7 of us) only myself and one other woman managed to breast feed. It was not for the lack of trying on their part. One woman ended up being in hospital for a whole week as her baby was losing so much weight. I did find it hard to begin with but I am as stubborn as a mule so was determined to persevere. It's easy to sit in a class and nod along but entirely different when you have a starving tiny baby screaming at your breast.

Everyone is a fantastic parent till they actually have children

If only you could just watch a video....

I fed dc1 for nearly 2 years. 2 years! I should have been an absolute pro! It still took me more than six weeks, lots of support and intervention, and a fair bit of pain and perseverance to get the hang of feeding dc2.

Well done you for doing so well. I have a completely different take on the Nct breast feeding classes!

I went along will a rather split opinion on breast feeding...I totally got the positives of it but it didn't sit well with me for some reason. Anyway went along determined to hear more and potentially be swayed off the fence in favour of BF.

Well.....it totally had the reverse affect! They were so in your face about and saying that anyone who didn't BF was selfish etc...that as we were leaving I turned to my exdh and said "right then...I'm off to buy bottles tomorrow"

Anyhow....totally off topic but it just reminded me and you do whatever is right for YOU! Ignore all the other nosy/bossy know it alls!

And just for reference my DS is now almost 8 yrs old, in the top 5 tallest in his class. He is bright, loving, healthy and sporty! So, he didn't turn out weak, unhealthy with potential learning difficulties as I was told on that fateful evening!

Rant over and out

I went to the classes, read the leaflets, and watched the video

I was led to believe I'd be relaxing in a rocker-glider, beaming serenely at the chubby-cheeked newborn peacefully nursing at my breast, the two of us bathed in mid-afternoon sunshine filtering in through the floaty white curtains draped around the window.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I soon learned....

It was not at all like the class, the leaflet or the video.

Within 48hrs I had a nipple so badly cracked that the MW exclaimed "bloody hell!" when I showed it to her. On day three I went to bed with a well-proportioned chest. I woke up the next morning to a soaking wet pyjamas top and breasts the size and shape of concrete-filled beach balls. My let down reflex felt like I was lactating broken glass soaked in acid. Then we both got thrush and I realised that "broken glass soaked in acid" didn't even come close to describing that level of discomfort.

I gave up EBF after just two weeks, introduced FF and by four week had stopped BF altogether.

This time around I've tried it again and I've had some of the same issues but I expected them so its going better.

YANBU, your friend will soon learn how annoying it is when someone who has zero experience of your situation tries to offer parenting advice.

Do cut her a little bit of slack though, everyone is entitled to be a little bit of a knob when it's their first baby.

I wasn't offered the NHS breastfeeding class, we only had 5 minutes or so during our general antenatal class. However, after DD was born I watched endless videos, read tutorials etc on the Internet, bared my breasts and asked every single midwife/HV/breastfeeding support worker/random person on the street (ok maybe not that one, but it sure felt like it) for advice. None of it helped of course, as we later found out DD was pretty badly tongue tied and when she finally did learn to latch, she quickly stripped most of the skin off my nipples! So YANBU.

However I think most of us were guilty of thinking along the lines of 'well I won't have the same problems as X did, because I'll do things differently' during pregnancy. If we didn't then we'd just be in a permanent state of panic from all the horror stories that people just love to tell pregnant women (gory birth stories, tales of non sleeping babies, and so on). So don't judge her too harshly.

Yes she is a cow. But my nct breastfeeding woman was fairly flippant about women feeling pain whilst breastfeeding saying 'if you have any pain your doing it wrong'. Well thanks. But I don't know anyone who hasn't experienced pain and I doubt there is anyone out there.
I think I would probably have said something unkind back or just wait until she inevitably has some issues and remind her of her unkind comments.

I went to an NCT session when pregnant and the advice meant nothing to me. I couldn't take anything in until I had a real live baby to try it out on. So YANBU.

She is a cow. DS1 was a breeze to feed and I fed him for 9 months. I did Sure start training to be a peer support/ bf counselling bod while pg with Ds2- so felt that I was a lot more informed when Ds2 came along.

Turns out Ds2 hadn't had the training and didn't give a fuck. I could not get him to latch properly for ages. It felt as if my nipples were too big for his wee tiny mouth. I expressed colostrum and syringed it into him. I syringed formula and then cupfed formula. It was bloody horrific for about a fortnight and awful for about a month. We did eventually crack it because I am a stubborn cow but no amount of Info or previous experience helped.

She may have a rude awakening soon...

Ah yes, "the video". Of course. If you go to NCT classes and watch the video, then you are GUARANTEED to have a completely straightforward perfect and simple BFing experience!

YANBU. She will soon learn....

I don't think your friend is a cow.

I dont even have to ask you anything because by virtue of being a member of this site, you and I are reading opinions and advice that 99% of the time that you have yet to experience. All your friend has done is regurgitate NTC shit.

She is being a cow. BF is the hardest thing I have ever done and I sweated blood and tears over it. And yet my friend who hadn't even wanted to bf but was persuaded to go it a go by the MW found it incredibly easy and ended up bf for 6 months.

As someone said upthread, there is no rhyme or reason to it.

Ask her if she's seen "The First Poo after Childbirth" video yet.

Haha. She'll soon learn. And probably beat herself up over it, if she's not able to get it perfectly straightaway.

She'll learn, I treat all idiotic statements by first time mums the same way, I'm sure I made some howlers but thankfully baby brain has relieved me of the memory. I got so used to having cracked nipples and pain I didn't even consider when dd started throwing up blood that it was my blood that she'd ingested. And yes, my latch was checked by at least 3 experts :)

Oh FFS. You know this is bollocks, don't you?

If it was as easy as watching a bloody video, BF rates would be a LOT higher.

Tell your mate to do one. But in your head, because this attitude will come back to bite her in the ass and we all need to stick together.

YANBU. She has no idea how hard BF can be.

I did the classes and found that they in no way prepare you for when things go wrong. The first couple of weeks were hell! I think only pure stubbornness on my part got us to where we are now (7 months ebf). I worry that those classes can give unrealistic expectations and lead to more people giving up when things aren't like they were in the video.

Three children in and I still hold the opinion I had pre birth. Which you lot dont want to know.

Anyway BFing isnt compulsory really, it isn't. Tarquin, BF or FF or wet nursed really wont give a super sized shiny shit come 18 whether you latched on, or shoved a bottle in his gob

YANBU

It was pure luck for me that I could breastfeed. I was a clueless teenager, didn't read the pregnancy books or anything really. Didn't even know I was supposed to book myself in for regular appointments and things. Pure luck I even had a healthy baby really, considering I did a lot of things I've learnt now that you're not supposed to - sunny side eggs, dodgy runny French cheese from market etc. My mum put my baby on my breast and it just worked by magic - absolutely NO parenting skill or preparation involved, pure luck! With a lot of these things, it really depends on the child you get, and watching a video doesn't affect that.

Congratulations for the breastfeeding you did, through trying conditions! We can all only do our best, and why people want to make other people feel bad about themselves I don't know, we should all be supporting each other in the choices and decisions we made (/idealistic daydreaming). Hearing other people's experiences, I now appreciate just how lucky I was with that one aspect. Other things like getting a toddler to behave, I was not so lucky with! We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and so do our children. There are no perfect children, or perfect parents, just everyone doing their best with the hand they are dealt.

Yep, did the class, read the theory. Made fuck all difference when DD just screamed whenever I tried it feed her.

Before you have children you are the most perfect parent the world has ever known. Reality bites, very very quickly --possibly literally in the case of Bf)

I did the NCT breastfeeding class. I still had horrendous issues with getting the latch right, mastitis and all sorts.

I'm proud of myself for persevering, I still wonder sometimes why I kept going and didn't just give it up!

Your friend will learn!

She obviously thinks she will breeze it. IMHO one of the biggest barriers is that no one tells it like it really is in the early days. Even if it's fairly straightforward the constant feeding/stimulation to get everything going and upping the available quantities, difficulties latching cause painful problems so quickly which then make it agony. The only people who advised me correctly were my local Breastfeeding group. She was magic and put many an attendee on the path that was right for them. No guilt just good advice suited to all size boobs and babies. The DVD and antenatal courses are all very well but not individualised. You did brilliantly!

I've breast feed four dcs for 10 months, 12 months, 16 months and I am still feeding at 26 months.

With each child I had problems with establishing breastfeeding. For 16, 12, 2 and 4 weeks, respectively.

I was discussing this with a friend who is pregnant with dc2 and had trouble the first time around as well.

I think it is almost 50/50 in that the baby is learning how to breastfeed just as much as you are. With dc3, my easiest, she clicked while feeding. I continually unlatched and relatched until the breast feeding supporter said that perhaps that is just what she just did. That was right. But she w my only one to click. They all feed differently too.

When dd4 was 12 months I had such trouble feeding her: holes in my nipple, bleeding nipples, just like in the early days. It was all to do with a lazy latch and I went back to basics.

Breastfeeding is HARD! After a cumulative total of 64 months feeding - almost 5 and a half years - I still think I would not find breastfeeding a newborn easy!

YANBU! I saw said video and am having the same problems you had. What I wish the NCT had told me about was the Lansinoh latch assist gadget and nipple shields. Your friend is an idiot.

How old is the DD with SN's? Can she and baby live independently?