Pregnant friend giving advice on breastfeeding

[Rebeccalikesgin]

My friend is pregnant and I have recently had a little girl who is 4 months old. I really struggled with breastfeeding at the beginning, with the latch, and the sore nipples etc and she witnessed me nursing quite early on in loads of pain. I persevered (proud of myself, and massive respect for every woman who has ever breastfed, ever!) and have only just stopped breastfeeding as dd seemed to not like it by more and preferred a bottle (feeling v guilty and sad about this)

Said friend smugly told me the other week that had I gone to the NCT class on breastfeeding and watched the video then I would not have had all the problems I had in the first few weeks.

AIBU to think that she's a total cow for saying this and that I hope she realises when she has her baby soon? Her baby hasnt seen the flipping video has it! It's really annoyed me!

I'm sure I wasn't this righteous and know it all when I was pregnant!!

Xx

I went to no classes and had no clue what I was doing. I was really lucky in that I found fb incredibly easy and had not a second of pain.

Many of my friends had trouble; some were in agony. I'd have given it up in a heartbeat if I'd been like them. One (NCT member) friend was bleeding every time she fed and the baby was possetting blood. Despite me loving bf, I never tried to persuade anyone not to quit.

So much of it is just luck. I hate all the sanctimony.

It is probably borne of inexperience rather than malice.

She may well get a massive shock when her baby arrives and screams with hunger throughout the night.

I couldn't get any of my babies to latch at all, and I did try. I formula fed them. We were all happier that way.

Yeh my baby didn't pay any attention to the 2 NCT classes on BF or the damn video. There was no way on this planet he was going to feed from those strange looking things! I remember being elated when he managed 2 mins clamped on while held inplace by DH then the girl in the bed next door started going on bout how her baby only feed for 30 mins at a time!

All the NCT classes did was make it all seem idyllic and piss easy and only complete useless mums didn't manage it. Lets hope her baby was paying more attention than mine as that's what seems to make the most difference between successful BF and not.

I breastfed ds, it was hard work but my 2 nd pregnancy I thought I knew what I was against....... Managed 3 days before the bottle came out.

To be fair, sometimes the stuff in these classes can be great - I remember desperately wanting to grab my friend's tit because she really was doing it wrong. If she'd had the nose to nipple type advice I'd had in my NHS (not NCT) classes she'd have had a much easier time. I'd had a baby though, and knew what I was doing. I also kept schtum (and my hands to myself!). Your friend ought to have done the same.

Having said that, I rather wish I'd said something. I doubt she meant any hurt. First time pregnant women can be a bit like teenagers in that they know it all (I certainly did ). They soon learn.

Complete cow! Going to a class and watching a DVD does not solve any probs! My first child fed perfectly from day 3, I assumes second would do the same. Instead he gave me 10 weeks of agonising pain, severely traumatised nipples which resulted in mastitis. I've seen the DVDs, I've been to the classes and I've bought the t-shirt! Don't feel guilty at all. You gave breastfeeding a really good go, and feeding is only one part of your job.

Shakinstevenslovechild has summed up my thoughts on this perfectly

Yanbu. I'm embarrassed to say I think I was like your friend a bit, about labour rather than breastfeeding. I went to every class going, yoga, hypnobirthjng etc. I remember being at my baby shower and talking all calmly in front if my friends who'd had kids to another pregnant friend about how timing contractions on your mobile phone took you out if the omm relaxed birthing zone or something like I knew what I was talking about. I guess it made me feel more in control? Anyway my labour went totally tits up, had a c-section and now I'm very humble! Ditto breastfeeding. Your friend is probably hiding her own massive dead and insecurity. She'll soon wise up.

Massive fear I meant... Blimmin phone!

Miaow that's awful hope all is OK now. I can't say NCT unless I do it in a really posh voice. Bleurgh. X

IME the NCT class is utterly utterly useless. A bland video, a counsellor who is not allowed to tell you it will likely hurt initially, and no acceptance that some women find bfing incredibly hard work.

If you want proper support, then you need to find a decent la leche league group or bfing cafe, where it's normally mum to mum support, with a few trained leaders (who, in my experience. tend to be fairly realistic).

Your friend will soon learn anyway!

Hahahaha

Prepare your smuggest face ever where reality hits her

Just she wait and see is all I can say,

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well done you.

I went to the all classes and listened to all the talks about breast is best. I was totally useless at it and the NCT, my HV, and almost every other mother, book, magazine, etc., made me feel a complete failure.

You have done really well. She will learn.

My first was like that fuckwittery. When I had dd and had a bad patch the NCT lady came round and was absolutely horrified to witness me have a panic attack - involuntary shaking - before her eyes. Shall never forget it. I never knew how bad DS1 was until I had dd. Yes it was hard and painful but I didn't develop infective mastitis, thrush of the inner breast or a breast abscess.

Breast is best my backside - not always it isn't and when it's bad women need support and "permission" to stop it from those who "know best". If I'd had that with DS I wouldn't have tipped into PND.

Rant over. Good luck OP.

Hot hate for that woman rose in my heart on your behalf when I read that OP. I went to the fecking NCT session and it was useless, I had no idea how to deal with DDs latching issues. I used a lactation consultant extensively with DS and it was still a nightmare. I still feel very sad about it all and I couldn't have tried harder.

I hope her confidence pays off

YANBU.

That kind of advice would have really, really wound me up when I was struggling (and ultimately failing) to get bf established with DS1.

We didn't make it to any bf classes thanks to him turning up 6 weeks early, but I must have seen the NHS bf video several times before he was born (they used to play it on a loop in the hospital pregnancy unit waiting room, and we had lots of antenatal appointments there).

I was better prepared with DS2, still bf him at 6 months, but we still had problems getting bf established with him.

As pp say, even if you go to the classes, watch the videos & read the books, the baby may have failed to pay attention what with being in the womb

Pah! What a bitch. Rightly it wrongly I am now wishing her some cracked nips

I did watch the video, and lots of You Tube videos AND had an NCT breastfeeding counsellor camped at my house and I still struggled! DD is now 13 months and I'm still feeding her so I'd say bloody-mindedness and perseverance are better tools than that video! Oh and Lansinoh. As other posters have said, she'll learn...

In my (limited) experience how easy you find breastfeeding seems to be at least partly genetics. My mum found breastfeeding me and my brother very easy.

When I had dd it was a very bad birth and the first time I tried to breastfeed I was still very very poorly. I stuck her vaguely near my breast and she got on with it.

With ds I had a much easier time and we were having a post birth cuddle and he moved himself to the correct position and again got on with it.

I did do lots of research beforehand but that wasn't why it worked. It worked because my babies were good at it. Or maybe my breasts are designed well. I don't know why. I wasn't particularly impressive. (With dd I wasn't even particularly conscious.)

It's just a random thing.

Thanks everyone, feeling much better now!

Breastfeeding went tits up for me too, despite the videos and talks.

I agree with Finola, your friend may well Look back and realise she made a boob by talking to you in this way.

Been breastfeeding babies for 7.5 years continuously.. including tandem nursing etc etc.

Had DC4 nearly three weeks ago. I have to say if it wasn't for my experience and knowledge (including where to go for the RIGHT advice) and sheer bloody mindedness I would have given up long ago - she clearly did not watch any video. Her latch is dreadful unless I watch her like a hawk, which is just fab for middle of the night sessions when I'm too tired to do so, then I am in agony literally yelling at times for the next day or so from her gnawing, argh. There's no tongue tie, no supply problems.. just a baby that doesn't want to do it nicely. The others weren't necessarily great, but they had it sorted by a week. This one, uh..

You are so not being unreasonable! If only a video did fix all..