To not want people to poo in my downstairs toilet?!

[Scornedwoman67]

I will start by saying I am a fairly relaxed person when it comes to the house. I like tidy, but am not obsessed about cleaning etc.
A few years ago, after my divorce, I bougt my current house & had a downstairs toilet installed. Because of space constraints, it is off the kitchen. I have a rule that basically it's only for No.1's. I sort of assumed that most people would realise that anyway, firstly because it is near the kitchen, and secondly because it isn't exactly soundproof
Anyway, a friend & her DH visited yesterday. I will add that he has history - he has on at least one previous occasion taken himslef upstairs & sat in that loo for a 'session' ( apologies if you're eating ) but yesterday he excelled himself. We were sitting in the lounge chatting & he disappeared out of the room. I went in to the kitchen a few minutes later & he shouted through the door to announce where he was. His DW rather nervously reminded him about my rule ( knowing what he is like, I suspect) to which he replied 'oh dear'.

Whilst I can see the funny side of it, I do think it is rude....or AIBU?!

I'm thinking of putting a bloody great big sign on the door now!!!!

Oh, and while it occurs to me, there's a literary character - Vic Wilcox in David Lodge's Nice Work - whose wife polices the use of their three loos. She is obsessed with the atmosphere of their carpeted en suite loo (with which she is obsessed) remaining 'unpolluted', so the rule is that she moves her bowels in the family bathroom while her husband uses the 'tradesman's' loo off the downstairs hall. It's almost the first thing we're told about her as a character.

Interesting bowel facts there Burren.

I'm a meat eater but since Friday just happen to have eaten only meat-free food. Now I come to think of it, my shit-frequency rate has increased.

I'm going to eat a fish curry tonight. I wonder what will happen. I think I might start a log.

Its been there three years burren and nobody has done it before because, presumably the fact it is where it is means its more private upstairs.

Some people have a very immediate and urgent need to move their bowels. Others are slow burners. It is a completely individual thing and certainly not something you can generalise about from your own perspective.

Those of you who believe that people should know when they need to go/plan it/make it more convenient- this is the kind of thought that used to result in regulated bed pan rounds in hospitals, enema's before childbirth and all kinds of laxative use to promote 'predictability'. You'd be rightly outraged if a MW stereotyped you in the same way or demanded you stuck to some proscribed template of 'adult bowel habits'.

Limited

Start a log or a blog?

limited
I take it your reference to keeping a log was a play on words?

I just made up the 95% figure btw! Its not scientific fact, I was just basing it on what I've read on mumsnet and the (very rare!) occasions that people have mentioned it to me in real life.

I wish I could not care. I suppose as children we don't care. But its not that I think its disgusting to go in a public/work/friend's toilet, it's the fact that so many other people appear to be so disgusted by it, so by default I feel I have to comply.

Limited we need to know, log or blog?

Log. I was thinking of Star Trek. What else?

Honestly, you need to stop inviting people to your home. Better to meet at a restaurant.

Just find friends who poo less frequently.

It is not illegal as long as you have one door, and a wash basin in there.

Many children have bowel problems because of being frightened of going to the loo in school. I'm a GP and have encountered this a number of times. It results in abdominal pain, impacted faeces and sometimes severe diahorrea.

It may not be illegal but it is foolish and a bit gross not to have an extractor fan in a loo with no window directly off a kitchen.
It is also part of the standards of fitness for rented accommodation:
www.nihe.gov.uk/index/advice/renting_privately/advice_landlords/standards_of_fitness.htm

There is no instance that you can't have an extractor fan unless you just couldn't be arsed. So in fact YABU to have installed a loo off the kitchen with inadequate ventilation. Just sort it out and stop bitching about other people's toilet habits.

www.amazon.co.uk/Xpelair-DX200T-Toilet-Bathroom-Extractor/dp/B003KTM66E

Burren I'm in the 5% with you. I never give it a thought till now. I'm sometimes regular, I'm sometimes not. If I want to go somewhere I do. Surely it's not good for the health to not go when you actually really want to. I wouldn't want to be a guest in a house where it is so regulated where you go. And Scornedwoman it's been 3 years and no one has used your loo for no.2 purposes. How do you know?! You don't. I don't hang about and you just would not know what I had done in there for instance .

I am just amazed by the worries and dare I say it - stigma - on what is a bodily function for everyone on the planet.

takeit

he's not a child. He's a fifty something man who has always previously gone upstairs.

And I'm not 'bitching' as you so charmingly put it. This is a discussion forum. I didn't realise I had to ask anyones permission before opening a discussion.

quint
So if you were him & decided to go and have a sit on the loo, would you choose the more private upstairs loo with windows, or the one off the kitchen s few feet from where your wife & her friend were sitting?
I know what I'd do !

If he has form for taking huge dumps in your loo, why invite him over. Sounds a right minger.

Having been in the apparently tiny minority who never gave a thought where they went to the loo, reading this thread is now making me self-conscious about bowel movements. Perhaps my English friends have been horrified at me for years...

(The majority of posters would never hack it in China - my sister used to live there and over time became completely blasé about the doorless squat toilet cubicles, which sometimes had only one or two walls...)

This has to be one of the most "first world problems" I've ever read about on MN!

If it's all so revolting I just wonder how people cope with wiping their own bottoms but let's not go there

Rousette oh my, I imagine they pay someone to do it as it's such a first world scary problem for them. Either that or they are aliens that simply don't shit

Yes I know he's a man but your attitude is what makes children (and others) self-conscious about what is a basic biological function. Oh and the recommendations are also that loos should be soundproofed, so why don't you just sort out the loo to acceptable standards instead of having a 'rule' to make up for inadequacies in your planning. And yes, it is bitching to complain about someone using a loo for what it is intended for.

I never poo in someone else's house, I never had a poo at school either. I am with you OP, he should have saved it up for when he got home, unless you have a medical condition I think, you should not poo in someone else's house.

Another IBS sufferer here (lifelong so definitely no link to holding it in when younger) and another one who tries not to advertise the fact.

I'm horrified that people think it's "normal" or "social convention" to have a poo routine or not to poo outside your house. That's just weird.

Tbh if you indicated I couldn't poo in your house when I was visiting, you'd most likely end up with me crapping on your carpet. Is that preferable?

I'd feel odd in OP's house as I always use the downstairs loo as a preference as a guest, but also would not want the kitchen to smell...