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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be Fucking Annoyed!

86 replies

ahfuckit · 22/03/2014 13:28

Ok, first off, I am struggling with alcohol addiction. My DP knows this and that I am seeking help with varying degrees of success. My Mother's death not surprisingly set me back a bit. He is generally supportive.
Anyhow, we are in M&S with our DD and I am buying wine (as I had mentioned at home that I would), and DP starts questionning and berating me saying 'Why are you buying wine? I thought you were cutting down etc'. I was mortified as it was very busy and I didn't want to go into the details of my recovery program in the middle of a busy shop. When I said I didn't want t o discuss it there and then he carried on having a go and I ended up snapping at him.

So we get home and I am bloody hungry so I put some sausage rolls in the oven to warm up. When they were ready I went into the kitchen to get them out of the oven, only to find he has put raw bacon on the same baking tray all around the sausage rolls! He insisted they are fine and gave one to DD.

Is it me? I want him to go away. Preferably a long way away for at least the rest of the day.

OP posts:
bebows · 22/03/2014 13:31

You shouldnt be buying wine though

CoffeeTea103 · 22/03/2014 13:32

I would also be very angry if I'm supporting someone through an addiction and they do this. Yabu.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2014 13:32

What sort of alcohol addiction program allows you to buy wine?

The bacon thing is a bit of a non issue for me.

AuditAngel · 22/03/2014 13:35

Ok, so perhaps it was a bit clumsy, but it does sound like he was trying to be supportive about the wine.

As regards the bacon, I am fairly relaxed about bacon as it is already cured, but I understand why you don't like it. How old is your DD

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 22/03/2014 13:35

Yabu

You got snappy because you know deep down he's right about the wine and resent him for it. You are snappy because you want wine and know you can't have it.

Deep breaths and calm down.

NurseyWursey · 22/03/2014 13:35

YABU

AuditAngel · 22/03/2014 13:35

Pushed too soon! How old is DD? And does she have a healthy constitution?

pinkdelight · 22/03/2014 13:37

His reaction to the wine is understandable. The bacon thing is very minor. Doesn't sound like your DP is the real reason you feel fucking annoyed, especially as you say he is generally good. You sound like you're having a very tough time, but not because of him. He's probably having a tough time too and you're probably taking it out on each other. Can you get some space, go for a walk/run, or rest/relax? Whatever the details of your recovery programme, drinking surely isn't going to help you in anyway more than momentarily.

Ronmione · 22/03/2014 13:37

The thing I've found with people recovering from addiction is that want it both ways, they want to he supported and encouraged when doing well, but not questioned when stuggling, your dp has a responsibility as your supporter to disscuss a relapse.

In regard to bacon sausage roll, did you offer others sauage rolls or just put some in for yourself?

JennyOnAPlate · 22/03/2014 13:38

The bacon thing is a complete non issue and if I were your dh I would be mightily pissed off about you buying wine.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 22/03/2014 13:41

I'm afraid I agree with your DH. I hope you recover soon. Thanks

Original poster
ahfuckit · 22/03/2014 13:45

Actually whether or not I buy wine is my own business and noone elses, since even when I was drinking more than I am now he (along with many others) did not consider I had a problem. I take responsibility for my drinking or not and it has never impacted on him in any way.

I take the feedback on board though I am gobsmacked that people think putting raw meat and cooked meat together is a non-issue. DD is 4 and very healthy,

OP posts:
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 22/03/2014 13:47

From that attitude I'd read that you don't want to stop drinking and anyone who tries to be rational around you will get short shrift.

Good luck.

Original poster
ahfuckit · 22/03/2014 13:47

Oh and sausage rolls went in for everyone - not just me.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 22/03/2014 13:48

You couldn't sound more in denial, sorry. How can you be struggling with alcohol addiction and this never have impacted on your DP? And whether you buy wine or not is other people's business if you're an addict and other people care about you. As someone above said, you want it both ways. And it's probably pointless saying all this as you won't listen, but you did ask, and the answer is YABU. Good luck with your recovery.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2014 13:48

You are struggling with an alcohol addiction

That will affect your DP and your DD too

Just look at the argument you had in the supermarket...

EverythingCounts · 22/03/2014 13:51

If you really have an addiction problem, I would be surprised if it had 'never impacted on him in any way'. If you have a right to drink what you want, surely he also has the right to speak his mind about it in the shop if he wants? You can't have it both ways.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 22/03/2014 13:51

Maybe you didn't word your OP very well, then, as the phrase "I am struggling with alcohol addiction" followed with "I am buying wine" ring alarm bells to most.

If your DH doesn't think you've ever had a problem, why did he get so upset when he saw you buying it?

Fifyfomum · 22/03/2014 13:51

You have to realise that your drinking affects your whole family.

That you are being petty (and it is) over a bit of bacon when you are prepared to make your child live with an alcoholic parent who admits that but still drinks is quite jaw-dropping.

FuckyNell · 22/03/2014 13:53

Your dp can't win. It will be his fault you drink the wine later. Because he put the bacon in the wrong tray.

You cannot have an addiction with alcohol and not expect comments when you go and buy wine!

Doesn't sound as if you want to stop just yet.

Original poster
ahfuckit · 22/03/2014 13:53

I think as with most people in my position part of me really wants to stop drinking but I would much prefer to cut down. I have managed this with a degree of success but realise it may not be realistic long term. I am concentrating on drinking less each week and I am succeeeding in that. Last week was 4.5 bottles of wine, this week will be more like 3.5. I didn't mind having the conversation - just not in Marks and Spencers! My key worker at the support agency is completely supportive of this strategy.
Sorry if this is dripfeeding.

OP posts:
Bornin1984 · 22/03/2014 13:54

Why are you wasting your time with a recovery program if u want To buy it and it's nobody's
Business! Well actually it is! It's your husbands business! He's protecting your daughter!!!

You want support but don't want tone reminded of your issues!

You don't want to stop drinking and for that I feel for your daughter and husband! At least be honest

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 22/03/2014 13:54

DP, sorry.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2014 13:54

OP go back and read the opening post of the thread you started about your addiction, a couple of months ago.

You were very honest about your 20 year struggle and the fact you're worried that you might not see your DD growing up.

Now tell us again that your addiction doesn't affect your DP or your DD.

I wish you the best of luck with your battle and hope you face up to the truth of it, when you've calmed down Thanks

TheSkiingGardener · 22/03/2014 13:55

I've been an alcohol addiction counsellor and think the OP was fine buying wine if that fits in with her reduction/alcohol intake control plan. If she had discussed it already with her DP at home and he knew she was going to buy wine then laying in to her in the shop is very unhelpful.

The bacon/sausage roll thing I wouldn't do personally, but doubt there's much risk from it.

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