To be Fucking Annoyed!

[ahfuckit]

Ok, first off, I am struggling with alcohol addiction. My DP knows this and that I am seeking help with varying degrees of success. My Mother's death not surprisingly set me back a bit. He is generally supportive.
Anyhow, we are in M&S with our DD and I am buying wine (as I had mentioned at home that I would), and DP starts questionning and berating me saying 'Why are you buying wine? I thought you were cutting down etc'. I was mortified as it was very busy and I didn't want to go into the details of my recovery program in the middle of a busy shop. When I said I didn't want t o discuss it there and then he carried on having a go and I ended up snapping at him.

So we get home and I am bloody hungry so I put some sausage rolls in the oven to warm up. When they were ready I went into the kitchen to get them out of the oven, only to find he has put raw bacon on the same baking tray all around the sausage rolls! He insisted they are fine and gave one to DD.

Is it me? I want him to go away. Preferably a long way away for at least the rest of the day.

Golferman - really??

Golferman - I think she may have a problem. Just sayin'.

If you know you have a problem, you need to just stop, not cut down. Stop. Sorry, but cutting down isn't working and I see why your DH is upset. Perhaps he thought saying something in public would get through to you better than saying it at home.
I would say the same with any addiction.

Golferman that makes no difference to the OP and her personal battle.

Thank you Janethegirl. You can always rely on AIBU to give you a bit of perspective

I do agree with the suggestion that you should perhaps introduce your DP to your key worker, OP.

I'm sure if he understood the programme and was on board with it, it would make it that bit easier to support you.

Well done for having a dry January, and I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your Mum. But life is always going to throw something shitty at you and alcohol isnt the way to deal with your grief or other problems. I hope that you conquer your addiction. Maybe that bottle of wine won't taste so sweet tonight if you can keep in mind what people have said to you on here today.

Janethegirl According to the OP, she really doesn't drink that much. So although I'm no doctor I'd be very surprised if she faced any medical danger from going cold turkey.

weirdthing I believe Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning, not alcoholic withdrawal. She was about five times over the legal drink drive limit.

I think YWNBU

If it had been discussed that you were buying an amount of wine, which fits in with your reduction, before shopping, I would be MIGHTY pissed off if my partner started making a scene (airing dirty laundry) in public. It's a conversation to be had in your kitchen, not in a shop, and not in an argumentative way in front of your DC and strangers.

I would also have been annoyed about the bacon on sausage roll tray - goes against food safety messages. Though, I suspect you were shorter with him over this because you were still angry about his actions in the supermarket.

To the people suggesting you shouldn't be buying wine at all - do you understand that some people are actually NOT supposed to stop drinking alcohol cold turkey, and that to do so can be dangerous?

If you have a reduction plan with your key worker and are genuinely following it, good luck, and keep up the hard work. Do not allow your emotions today to steer you off your path, please try to find a way to resolve your anger today that doesn't involve straying from your agreed reduction plan.

Remember "you can't eat an elephant all at once!"

Is that true golferman?

OP, I have a similar problem to you, and I have had the same conversation in M&S!

I know it makes me ill, I know it contributes to my depression... why do I carry on? I plan during the day what, and how much...

It's sad when I think about it because I know that despite me being the best mum I can be in my situation, I could be so much better without it.

I don't drink more than a bottle a night though... I think golferman should be very worried about his wife.

you can't eat an elephant all at once!

... and because it's true of elephant-eating, it must therefore be true of life.

Can't help feeling that all this talk of death from alcohol withdrawal is a bit of a red herring given that the OP cut out drink altogether for a period of time, and apparently only drinks a bottle of wine a day.

On the other hand, I've been to an awful lot of funerals of people who couldn't stop drinking.

You are looking for a reason to be pissed off with your husband and since you know he is right about the wine you are over reacting about bacon and sausage rolls sharing a baking tray.

If you are addicted to alcohol surely the sensible thing to do is not to buy it and not to drink it. It is not good for your child to see her parents arguing over alcohol. Or food.

Sorry mrssteptoe but I'm not sure how much is too much, before sudden withdrawal can cause death. But the op is trying to cut down and is being supported by a recovery program. So good luck to her. I feel the OPs dh was out of line in m&s tho'

The husband may well have been out of line but I can imagine his sense of dismay and shock which lead him to starting the argument in the wine aisle of M&S.

Somehow, OP's earlier communication about her intention to buy wine didn't connect with him. Maybe he didn't hear it. Maybe she wasn't clear enough. Maybe she didn't tell him but has convinced herself she did.

I feel sorry for the husband and kid(s) in all this. I reserve a little sympathy for the OP but, honestly, the OP's first post comes across as quite truculent and she comes across as somewhat challenging to live with.

OP - how is the atmosphere at home right now?

All best wishes. Really.

To the people suggesting you shouldn't be buying wine at all - do you understand that some people are actually NOT supposed to stop drinking alcohol cold turkey, and that to do so can be dangerous?

Yeah but the OP isn't one of them or dry January wouldn't have gone as well as it did.

OP, you're right in that lots of people drink a bottle of wine a night and don't consider it a problem. Here's why: they can stop. Not cut down, but completely stop.

Can you.

Sarah, obviously the op can stop, she did dry January. She has issues with her mum dying. If my mum died, I'd certainly not be bothered how much I drank for the next few weeks.

If your dh is showing concern at your buying wine then it is having an impact.

What sarah said! It is not the quantities or what you drink it is what it does to you and your family. If you cannot stay stopped after a firm resolution to do so... You have a problem and Im afraid abstinence is the answer.

When my Mum dies, as she will soon, I will be very bothered as, in spite of ruining 4 childhoods and her marriage and old age, she still won't stop drinking. She is always cutting back, she never stops.

She is going to die and there is fuck all I can do about it.

Stop before your DD ends up prematurely bereaved and bitter.

I do worry about her, have tried everything to get her to cut down but nothing seems to help. Guess as OP said it has to come from the person.

I am speaking from experience OP. I have been where you are. It ain't pretty...

Did your DP know you had planned to buy wine?

If you stopped for the entirety of January, why are you buying wine? Honestly.

And a bottle a night? I'm sure this is a lot less common than you are telling yourself!

I do think you're doing well to have cut down but I still think your attitude is very worrying. You sound like you're in complete denial and quite blasse about the fact that you're an alcoholic raising a 4 year old child.

if you are an alcoholic then you can't drink.Anything.