To be Fucking Annoyed!

[ahfuckit]

Ok, first off, I am struggling with alcohol addiction. My DP knows this and that I am seeking help with varying degrees of success. My Mother's death not surprisingly set me back a bit. He is generally supportive.
Anyhow, we are in M&S with our DD and I am buying wine (as I had mentioned at home that I would), and DP starts questionning and berating me saying 'Why are you buying wine? I thought you were cutting down etc'. I was mortified as it was very busy and I didn't want to go into the details of my recovery program in the middle of a busy shop. When I said I didn't want t o discuss it there and then he carried on having a go and I ended up snapping at him.

So we get home and I am bloody hungry so I put some sausage rolls in the oven to warm up. When they were ready I went into the kitchen to get them out of the oven, only to find he has put raw bacon on the same baking tray all around the sausage rolls! He insisted they are fine and gave one to DD.

Is it me? I want him to go away. Preferably a long way away for at least the rest of the day.

Jane, well no she can't because she didn't rationally "decide" to start drinking when her mom died. She felt she needed a drink. Way different.

Good luck "cutting down". My sister is an alcoholic and has systematically destroyed lives with it. "Cutting down" is what she does too then starts going back up again. In short she doesnt want to stop! My dad is a heavy drinker too. Do your DD a favour and leave before you destroy her life. And you will....because your needs will Always Always Always come first. I hate addiction it a fucking awful disease.

Sorry.....very close to the bone for me.

OP, my consumption sounds similar to yours. Some weeks 3-4 bottles a week, then maybe a couple of weeks off because I felt guilty about it. I too did dry January, then had a binge the Saturday before Lent started as I was giving up alcohol for Lent. The following week I had an abnormal liver function test. Thankfully the enzyme levels were only slightly raised and having now stopped, completely, I can only hope my liver repairs itself. Have you had a liver function test? The reason I ask, is because seeing in black and white, the damage I have done to myself, has given me the fright I needed to just stop. Not cut down, not just drink on special occasions, or on holiday, my birthday, Christmas etc, just stop. And you know what, it's such a relief. Whatever your decision, I wish you well and the best of luck. But try not to be too harsh on your dh. Watch 'When a Man Loves a Woman'

I feel really sorry for your DP. Been there, done that.

I think you need to accept that you have a problem and stop totally.

You can't just quit as you'll be at a very high risk of seizures so your key worker is right in this respect. However I really don't understand why she has not signposted you to a service such as this:

www.national.slam.nhs.uk/services/adult-services/aau/

Please do this for your daughter. Take a loan and go private if you have to. Your daughter is more important than your addiction and you are kidding yourself if you think you can stop by yourswlf. You need professional help. Good luck op and give your husband a break. He could probably do with some counselling in fact as the disease makes this all about You.

OP I tried 'cutting down'. Didn't work, I actually got worse.

I decided to quit. Haven't had a drink for 5 weeks now and I don't actually miss it. I enjoy waking up with a fresh head every day and knowing that I can be there and cognitive for my DD.

Cutting down is bullshit. I knew it. You know it. Stopping is the only way to get better.

Well now you know exactly how dependant you are on the booze Op - when somebody tries to dissuade you from buying it you react very badly.
I feel for your partner and your daughter. The way to beat your addiction is not to buy multiple bottles of wine. Because you were buying more than one weren't you? That's the way I read your post.
I have very little sympathy for you. You drink too much and it will wreck your health and break their hearts. It's as simple as that. Stop.

Assuming cheap wine-4 a bottle, 7 nights a week.
Thats 28 a week,
112 a month
1456 a year
14,560 after 10 yrs.
Thats money that could help your dd through university or be a large chunk of a deposit on her own home.
But you dont think your drinking impacts on your family.

You used your mum's death as an excuse to drink more... There's always an excuse with alcoholics, isn't there.

Op, growing up with an alcoholic mum does affect you. In a very negative way too. I'm tee total, always have been. I made the decision at 10 because I didn't want any future children to see what I had seen. Please think of your daughter if not your do. Just cutting down doesn't work.