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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give up my career because baby will not sleep?

86 replies

GingerMaman · 22/03/2014 10:37

DD at 10 months and wakes up every hour at night and has been doing so since 4 months. Can't find a cause and sleep training not working.

I'm due back to work part time (which is a paid training type of work), and have a place for her at nursery, but there is no way I'll be able to focus or concentrate on such broken sleep.

AIBU to call it quits on the career front?

OP posts:

stopeatingbiscuits · 22/03/2014 10:40

Yes!
But I know how horrific sleep deprivation is. I can't ' imagine how tired you must be if this has been going on for four months.

You need to address the sleep as you can't let it destroy your life!

What are her sleeping arrangements? Does she have a routine? How much is she eating / sleeping in the day? What do you do when she wakes up?

stopeatingbiscuits · 22/03/2014 10:41

Oh and what sleep training have you tried and for how long?

TheBody · 22/03/2014 10:42

god poor you.

how long did you try the training?

noblegiraffe · 22/03/2014 10:42

Can you try co-sleeping instead in sleep training isn't making a difference? She may sleep better after nursery anyway.

Crappy sleep doesn't last forever and jobs are hard to come by.

I say that as someone currently working on appallingly little sleep.

formerbabe · 22/03/2014 10:45

Maybe nursery will knacker her out and she will sleep better at night once she starts. My dd is exhausted after nursery!

Original poster

GingerMaman · 22/03/2014 10:45

We are co-sleeping. I've tried gentle methods like no cry sleep, and CC but she just carries on screaming.

She has 2 naps in the day. Doesn't eat very well at all but has feeds.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 22/03/2014 10:48

Sorry OP, but I had to chuckle as this appeared right above the deluded about having a baby thread.

I agree that this will pass and jobs are hard to come by, so stick it out!

CoteDAzur · 22/03/2014 10:49

YABU to give up your career, because baby will sleep through at some point. Have you considered hiring a professional for a week to sort out baby's sleep.

Anyway, what kind of sleep training is this that you do while co-sleeping?

Thetallesttower · 22/03/2014 10:50

I would do a search on here for sleeping threads, there's usually some excellent advice on them, there was one the other day in which a couple of women had used/paid sleep trainers and I was quite surprised it was only £250- if all else fails that may be a possibility.

Can you put back the training at all or is it an immovable deadline? Can you negotiate at all with work about this?

You may not have tried everything sleep-wise, I can't advise on that front without much more information- there could be all kinds of things going on. In general, though, I did push mine to sleep through from about 7 months onwards (once eating a good amount of solids, plus I used to give them a bottle of follow-on milk for the last feed of the day as my milk was very low at that time).

I knew I couldn't work and be up much in the night (illness an exception)- I crashed the car when exhausted from night wakings and given I knew that I was commuting, I had to be in a fit state to drive and that did mean babies sleeping through most of the time.

Hope it works out for you.

stopeatingbiscuits · 22/03/2014 10:52

Does she feed in the night a lot?
At 10 months she needs to be on proper solids plus milk to ensure she isn't too hungry at night.

Honestly? I will get flamed I am sure - but if you want to get her sleeping better you need to move her into her own room (unless of course you are happy with current arrangement but it doesn't seem like it is working for you). It will be hard and ideally you will have someone to help. It will also likely take a few weeks of 100% consistency depending on which method you choose.

How long did you try NCSS and CC for?

Blueberrymuffint0p · 22/03/2014 10:52

Don't give up your career! I was in exactly the same position and my ds didn't start sleeping better until he was 18 months, it was hellish but I got through it. You will cope and you might even find the change of work/nusery helps.

Thetallesttower · 22/03/2014 10:54

I also don't think you can do CC when co-sleeping, surely the whole point of co-sleeping is that you are there to comfort them and that that is their sleep association- it sounds a bit mixed up.

Original poster

GingerMaman · 22/03/2014 10:56

She wants a feed every time she is up, I think mainly to put herself back to sleep.

I tried CC for two days, and I honestly don't think it's going to make a difference at all.

I'm going to look into a sleep trainer.

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 22/03/2014 10:57

No YANBU to quit to look after your child if that's what you want. Lots of us do it.

YABU to quit if being at home will make you miserable and its not what you want.

RalphRecklessCardew · 22/03/2014 10:59

A) Can you postpone post rather than give it up? Talk to your union if you have one.

B) Elphaba has just had some amazing results with a gentle sleep trainer - look at the 'Riding the...' thread out on the Sleep board.

stopeatingbiscuits · 22/03/2014 11:00

Two days isn't long enough for any training to get a result.

Def look into a sleep trainer, but as other posters have said you can't sleep train while co-sleeping. You will also need to be prepared to carry through the training once the trainer has gone...

If you don't want to do CC (can see why) I would start with putting her in her own room in her cot and not feeding her in the night.

stopeatingbiscuits · 22/03/2014 11:01

PS I didn't mean cold turkey btw! Anyway sure you will find lots of advice on sleep threads. Good luck!

GertTheFlirt · 22/03/2014 11:03

How will you support yourself if you don't go back to work?

AcrylicPlexiglass · 22/03/2014 11:03

I would call it quits on the room sharing rather than your career, if it is purely sleep issues that make you want to stop work. Put her in a cot in her own room. Then do cc again for at least a week, with support from partner if any or famil

CoteDAzur · 22/03/2014 11:06

You can't try CC for two nights then give up. Did you think it would work in that timeframe? My DD slept through on the 3rd night and has been sleeping through like a log every night since then, bar the occasional illness.

At the very least, put her in her own room. Give her a chance to learn to sleep through the night before you give up your career.

AcrylicPlexiglass · 22/03/2014 11:06

y/ friends if possible. If that doesn't work call a sleep trainer. Good luck. It is so soul destroying being chronically sleep deprived.

Original poster

GingerMaman · 22/03/2014 11:08

Gert, DH can support us financially if I quit.

However, I've worked really hard and it'll be throwing it all away, but I'm happy to give that up. But tbh I'm worried more about getting bored and also not getting a break from a very demanding needy child (I do love her to bits though but she is v v hard work!)

OP posts:

Thetallesttower · 22/03/2014 11:10

I would not even begin to think about any type of sleep training (CC or gentle withdrawal) til you have got the food sorted (so most calories coming from solid food) and are absolutely sure your baby isn't hungry in the night, have started to get her to fall asleep by themselves say for nap times (so breaking the feeding to sleep association) and they are in their own cot (of course if you are next to them, she will wake and need feeding, that's what she associates with getting to sleep). I would also not pick a time they were teething badly or had any illnesses/colds/general unsettledness.

If all that were in place, I would try some type of sleep training, but if you just continue to co-sleep and feed a lot at night, it just won't work and possibly will distress/confuse your lo as well.

Original poster

GingerMaman · 22/03/2014 11:12

Ralph, thanks I've tried to look for the thread but can't find it. Could you share a link please?

Thanks everyone for your support and kind words.

OP posts:

Thetallesttower · 22/03/2014 11:13

I also think you have to think a bit long-term here- your lo might be sleeping through by a year. If you want to stay home because that suits you best all round to provide childcare for your own child and you are happy to take the break/hit to your career, then that might be a good plan. It seems a shame to do it though over a temporary situation which will certainly have changed in a year or two.

If you don't go back now, though it doesn't mean your career is over- in a year or two you might take up something else. I wouldn't jeopardise a great training opportunity myself over this.

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