To give up my career because baby will not sleep?

[GingerMaman]

DD at 10 months and wakes up every hour at night and has been doing so since 4 months. Can't find a cause and sleep training not working.

I'm due back to work part time (which is a paid training type of work), and have a place for her at nursery, but there is no way I'll be able to focus or concentrate on such broken sleep.

AIBU to call it quits on the career front?

Have you tried the dr jay gordon method which is designed for cosleepers?

Thetallesttower, thanks. I agree with you and I suppose that's why I've been reluctant to do any type of sleep training until very recently, but how do I get her to eat more? We are seeing a dietician soon so will ask her too, but seriously what do I do? She has allergies so diet is limited, but I bake for her and offer her different types and textures of food (even choc cake!) but she just isn't interested.

I've also tried putting her on formula but she refuses to drink it.

My ds is 7months and bad sleeper but not quite as bad as yours. I too have been dreading returning to work for similar reasons and considered not going back at all. One tip though, try reducing night feeds- ours fed twice at least each night until last weekend when we decided he should have one maximum (eats loads during the day). Felt very brave at the time but now we wish we'd done it sooner, three difficult nights initially but the last three he seems to have got the hang of it and only woken screaming once each night.

It is worth considering though that you might be more committed to sleep training once you are actually working because it will become a priority whereas it isn't quite real yet.

I agree though you seem to be using completely contradictory methods.

Good luck OP, the room thing is key in my experience.

My ds's eating massively improved once he went to nursery. They seem much more willing when they see their peers eating.

Yes get a sleep trainer and go back to work.

You need to separate more if you're going to crack the feed/sleep connection. It is so tough though, I had that. You'll relish the break I am sure.

I think you need to sleep separately, even if its just in a cot in the same room, it is likely that falling into deep sleep means your breathing changes which wakes up the child.

It sounds to me like you would all sleep better if you slept separately

My DS woke every hour from 4 months. He would want a feed every hour too. But no baby that old needs feeding hourly. What broke that habit was DH taking him every other hour and rocking him back to sleep. This took longer than feeding, but it had to happen because I was going out of my mind with no sleep. I couldn't possibly get him back to sleep without feeding because I would just give in to stop the crying do it needed someone else to help.

He was still a crap sleeper after that but the hourly waking stopped and became a more manageable 2-3 hours.

Ginger you need specialist advice if your lo has an allergy, my guess is it is much harder.

Dropping down night feeding though is usually what is recommended, if they are taking most of their calories at night through feeding to sleep, that will lead to a lack of interest in food in the day.

I have read on here though that some people are happy to bf a lot at night even with what seem to me to be quite old babies- I often think these things are just what you can tolerate rather than a right or wrong and I certainly have several friends who have continued to bf while returning to work, mainly once in morning, once at night once the children are a bit older.

Can your work offer any flexibility? Is there another career path you would like to pick up/training opportunity in a year or two? I wouldn't think in terms of career end at this stage, even if you don't go back as planned. I am extremely glad now my children are older (top primary) that I stuck it out in the hard early days, my friends who stayed home in general are now looking to get back in the jobs market and finding it very difficult/generally stressful to move on to the next stage of their lives.

He is probably not hungry in the day because of all the milk at night.

Sorry, she!

My DD is a v poor sleeper still at 2.5 and sleep training really didn't work so we co sleep if needed but I actually found life much much easier once I was back at work.

I really benefited from some new focus and a change of pace. I realised that whilst on mat leave I had been 100% focussed on baby's lack of sleep and poor appetite and handing her over to nursery for a few hours 3 times a week helped me regain my mental health and gave me new energy.

Also I think that sometimes you need to carry on with life and not let lack of sleep affect things too much. It is exhausting though!

superchick, roughly how many times was your baby waking up at night when you went back to work?

op all I can share with you is none of my 4 ever slept through naturally.

I had to do the tough cc and it worked after 2 nights with all if them. it's very tough but it was the best thing I ever did as having no sleep for years isn't an option or a happy life.

we didn't cosleep as I don't think this helps to sleeping through. own cot own room from 4 months for me worked like magic.

I went back to work at 10 months and at that time some nights she woke hourly, some less. She didn't sleep through even once til she was nearly 2 and on average I got up with her about 4 or 5 times a night probably. We went through a hideous stage (cant remember exactly when) where she would wake at around midnight and not go back to sleep til after 3am. That happened every night for at least a week. She also woke for the day before 6 every morning (still does).

I stopped bf at 7 months to try and night wean (we mix fed from 5 weeks anyway so she was used to bottles) but that made no difference. I think now she's older it's down to nightmares and clingyness as she can sleep through now and occasionally does.

Good luck!

She will get enough to eat in the day when you stop feeding her in the night and her daytime meals quickly adjust as a result.

You're right that you can't really go back to work with a baby who wakes every hour but the truth is you can't really continue living with a baby who wakes every hour. Something needs to change.

Have you seen a doctor about the sleep issue? Just to rule out whether there is anything else disturbing his sleep? Reflux, or some symptom related to the allergies?

If co-sleeping isn't working then you might need to bin that too. He will wake every hour because that's a sleep cycle, and you being next to him smelling all milky is more temptation to wake up properly than go back to sleep.

You also need someone else to help. Why is your DH not helping in the night?

Sorry, her sleep!

Have you a DH? I think the bf at night is causing the sleep and food issues.

Give her a dummy/comforter leave her with DH and lock yourself in the spare room with earplugs in for a few nights.

That is mean but I had DD2 who was on a 45 minute sleep cycle for months feeding at night and I went back to work at 9 months. Desperate times and all that!

I agree that she won't be hungry for food while she can fill up at night.

Is your dh on board with solving it?
I would be suggesting he takes a couple of days off and either takes over night wakings or is up from say 5/6 am with her.
Either limit her feeds to one or two through the night or go cold turkey.

Ds didn't sleep until 14 months so I know how hard it is, we cracked it by offering water only at night.

Please don't give up. You may find some help in the following....
bedtimelive.channel4.com/content/help-and-support/
Good luck

I totally agree with giraffe she can smell the milk lying by you and obviously wants some.

she's 10 months so you have done brilliantly in the bf but personally I would stop bf and co sleeping. be hard and go for the cc, it really was a live saving magic wand for me.

try to think like this.

you are the one who needs to work. you need to sleep and you need these so you remain healthy and capable of being a good parent.

you are in charge not your baby. you need to be the one in control not her.

My dd1 was waking every hour or 2 when I went back to work as a teacher. It was easier than staying home actually. Just recently night weaned her using the dr jay Gordon method as I also now have dd2 night feeding. Dd1 is 2.5 . After a few weeks she started sleeping through. This method foes work but it is not tear free.

I still co sleep with both :)

Thing is- if you are seeing a dietician, hopefully for the baby, then you can ask about night feeding. It may be (I don't know) the advice is different for a baby with allergies as it must be hard to get the calorie count high- I would go for getting practical advice on the food front from the experts before making any dramatic changes.

Once you know what to do about night feeding/day feeding, your options are greater.

You still haven't said whether you could delay returning for say 6 months or take up another course (perhaps don't want to out yourself). I would think through all options- but as someone else said you can't continue any kind of life with a baby hourly waking aged 10 months, let alone a working one, you need to get this sorted for your own sanity and then perhaps the other decisions will look more straightforward.