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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bf on the shop floor when there's a feeding room?

261 replies

TheFlumpFlan · 20/03/2014 19:38

I think I was being the exact opposite of inconsiderate, friend thinks I was.

In short:

I was on a shopping trip from hell (4 kids wanting school bits) which was unproductive and I was heading back through the department store to the carpark when I saw they had a clarks shoe bit with a sale (empty). I plonked down, asked the assistant if she had ds1 and ds2 size shoes and started to feed whiney velcro baby in order to be heard rather than screamed over. I'm an experienced feeder (top up, other down) and can easily feed strolling around without flashing a nipple though I sat this time with my back to the main walkway. The assistant replied to my request with 'we have a feeding room', I smiled back and said I was fine and asked again for the shoes. She suggested I feed there and popped back, and gave directions, to which I said I knew it was two floors up, full of mothers who are trying to soothe tiny ones who don't need my lot staring at them/ being loud plus I was in a rush. She looked so grumpy getting bits out and affronted by me. I'm not particularly confrontational or particular about bf (I've ebf, mixed and ff equally loved children) but it got my back up a bit. I didn't flash her, was polite, as were the children (though I doubt they would have been stuffed into a small room with nowt to look at) and it was easier for all than listening to a screaming baby.

My sister, mum and friend all maintain it is unreasonable to publically feed unless you must, and stores provide a feeding room so people like me don't take up space feeding or put off others shopping. Yet even the dad on his own didn't look fussed when he came over (I think noone noticed). They say I may have put of business and it's just inconsiderate.

OP posts:
Lemonfairydust · 21/03/2014 13:16

YADNBU. It's not the staff's job to dictate to you where you should feed your child. I would of asked her how she intended for you to look at the shoes and make a purchase if you had to go two floors up to the feeding room.

K8Middleton · 21/03/2014 13:18

Eugh. I hate all this "discreet" business. It's just a euphemism for being a bit of a bigot isn't it?

I do not believe, in all the history of the world, a woman has ever pushed her breasts in anyone's face while breastfeeding, or climbed onto someone's lap, or taken both boobs out at once in public, or shouted "look at meeeeeeee!" with a loud hailer while feeding... or done anything really "indiscreet".

I hate "discrete" breastfeeding even more [pedant]

Caitlin17 · 21/03/2014 13:18

My point is Clarke is a shop which sells shoes. The OP was buying shoes and feeding . Fine. No problem.Had she had no intention of buying shoes then suggesting she used the feeding room is not refusing service. Some of the posts here are suggesting bf anywhere is fine always.

drivenfromdistraction · 21/03/2014 13:21

Haha KB. I was about to say that I have always fed discretely - i.e. one breast at a time.

StealthPolarBear · 21/03/2014 13:22

I think you read between the lines. Anywhere you would normally have the right to be. The issue is the lack of intention to buy shoes. The breastfeeding is completely irrelevant to your argument.

FabBakerGirl · 21/03/2014 13:25

Are we really such a breast/child/people hating country that shop staff would refuse a woman a seat in their shop because her baby needs a feed but she isn't buying?

StealthPolarBear · 21/03/2014 13:27

I think it would be mean (and utterly stupid for a shop like Clarks) but I don't think it'd be illegal.

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 21/03/2014 13:37

It was the assistants issue, you were not in the wrong.

K8Middleton · 21/03/2014 13:41

Oh I'd move someone on if they were in the way, breastfeeding or not!

But then I'm equal ops me Grin

That said, for the price of children's shoes I think they should provide all shoppers with a cup of tea, a bun and use of the loo. It's a bloody awful business.

pianodoodle · 21/03/2014 13:45

Bloody hell if I only went into shops where I could afford to buy something my strolls into town would be severely limited.

All I'd ever get to look at would be tat Grin

TrinityRhino · 21/03/2014 13:53

blah, your comment about you not wanting to sit next to someone feeding.

thats fine for you to be so crazily offended

but don't say 'and neither would most people'

because thats bollocks

WilsonFrickett · 21/03/2014 13:55

TBH for the price of children's shoes at Clarks I'd expect a lovely, comfy bed for some lying down feeding and a unicorn to bring me a cup of tea while I was doing it...

Nennypops · 21/03/2014 14:08

Blah: They have, lilke most stores, a no food or drinks in store policy

just saying

Really? Because I was swigging from a bottle of water as I waited last time I was in Clarke's but nobody turned a hair.

When shops do have that policy, it is directed against the sort of food and drinks that may cause a mess if spilt, or that smell. Clearly neither applies to breastfeeding, and I can't seriously see anyone chucking someone out for bottlefeeding a baby either.

Caitlin, people don't just go into shops to buy: they also go to look. Any shop that tries to prevent that will go out of business very quickly. If you were to go into Clarke's and wander around with a breastfeeding baby they wouldn't be entitled to chuck you out. If you blatantly went in solely to feed, they could, but again do you seriously think they would if you weren't taking up much space? After all, in a couple of year's time that baby and any siblings will need shoes, do they really want to alienate his mother and all her friends from the local mother and baby group, nursery, playgroup, MN etc etc?

FabBakerGirl · 21/03/2014 14:08

I have only bought my child shops in Clarks once and they were badly fitted. I got a voucher refund Hmm which I took to an independent shop and she swopped the voucher for a pair of shoes that fit. Not allowed really. Good customer service. Only shop we go in and I must spend £800-1000 in there per year on my children's shoes.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 21/03/2014 14:18

YANBU, I walked around Boots this morning BFing my 5 week old. Traipsing 2 floors up with other children in tow would be far more hassle and probably by the time you got there your LO would be inconsolable.

Amiawake · 21/03/2014 14:22

Nothing to add except YANBU at all, in any way. I bf my 12 week old when he requires it wherever we happen to be.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/03/2014 15:12

blah

Given that you have a cock (the one you were talking about waving around in the street on the last breast feeding thread) and you have a husband and children,

Would you be quite so comfortable with a shop delaying your service or refusing to serve you based only on that as you are about it being due to breast feeding?

Jenijena · 21/03/2014 15:18

I fed in the nursery 'set' in ikea once. It was lovely :)

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/03/2014 15:29

I've done that in ikea as well, the only thing any staff member said to me was "she's so cute and tiny"

RonSwansonsLushMoustache · 21/03/2014 15:54

Oh God, every time there's something in the media about women exercising their right to not be harassed when breastfeeding in a public place my mum trots out this story about a woman she once knew who said she saw a woman in Kew Gardens who let her '3 or 4 year old' climb on her lap, lift up her jumper and start feeding from her bare breasts 'in front of everyone!'

To my mum this urban legend alleged incident that she heard about at least second-hand is proof that any BFing woman who stands up for herself against narrow-minded bigots is doing it because she is a complete exhibitionist.

I just don't understand people who get worked up about something they can't actually see, because, let's face it, the Clarks woman couldn't see the OP's bare breast, she could just see a baby having a cuddle, with its face partially covered by the woman's top. Just what is offensive, or distracting, about that?

Misspixietrix · 21/03/2014 18:55

A no food or drinks policy! Grin. Bloody kid! Should have just cried quietly for his food in case his mother whipped a fit out. Prudes.

Albertatata · 21/03/2014 19:11

YANBU

FreeWee · 21/03/2014 21:35

Only read the first page but how the OP puts it is fine by me and totally makes sense. New mums who are nervous about feeding in public probably welcome feeding rooms. Mums of many who are happy to multi task with the older ones whilst feeding the youngest can crack on and do what suits them as far as I'm concerned. 4 biggies and youngie all crammed into a feeding room I totally get the OP's point and think she was being very considerate. There's a lot of bf bashing going on at the moment about a mother's right to do xyz versus a member of the public's right not to have to see her doing xyz. Pffff. Seriously. It's feeding a human being. Just crack on. The shop assistant was being helpful the first time she mentioned the feeding room and a pain the other times she hinted you'd be better off there.

Misspixietrix · 22/03/2014 08:14

Can you imagine the alternate AIBU? I whipped a bottle out to feed young DC there and then. I thought about the feeding room but didn't think it would be a good idea with 4other DCs who wouldnt be so keen on patiently waiting and disturb the others quietly feeding. The Assistant pointed out there was a feeding room. gave reason above for not doing so. Family all think IWBU and I would have put others off their shopping if they saw me feeding with a bottle. Exactly. Never going to happen. It doesnt make the baby's food any less important just because it comes out of a boob!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/03/2014 08:31

Well quite misspixietrix
Good point.