To bf on the shop floor when there's a feeding room?

[TheFlumpFlan]

I think I was being the exact opposite of inconsiderate, friend thinks I was.

In short:

I was on a shopping trip from hell (4 kids wanting school bits) which was unproductive and I was heading back through the department store to the carpark when I saw they had a clarks shoe bit with a sale (empty). I plonked down, asked the assistant if she had ds1 and ds2 size shoes and started to feed whiney velcro baby in order to be heard rather than screamed over. I'm an experienced feeder (top up, other down) and can easily feed strolling around without flashing a nipple though I sat this time with my back to the main walkway. The assistant replied to my request with 'we have a feeding room', I smiled back and said I was fine and asked again for the shoes. She suggested I feed there and popped back, and gave directions, to which I said I knew it was two floors up, full of mothers who are trying to soothe tiny ones who don't need my lot staring at them/ being loud plus I was in a rush. She looked so grumpy getting bits out and affronted by me. I'm not particularly confrontational or particular about bf (I've ebf, mixed and ff equally loved children) but it got my back up a bit. I didn't flash her, was polite, as were the children (though I doubt they would have been stuffed into a small room with nowt to look at) and it was easier for all than listening to a screaming baby.

My sister, mum and friend all maintain it is unreasonable to publically feed unless you must, and stores provide a feeding room so people like me don't take up space feeding or put off others shopping. Yet even the dad on his own didn't look fussed when he came over (I think noone noticed). They say I may have put of business and it's just inconsiderate.

I would deem it equally bad mannered to bottle feed while the assistant was trying to serve. Feed the baby then ask for assistance.

How bizarre that anyone could be offended by someone feeding a hungry baby instead of focussing entirely on them. I mean, the shop assistant will be mostly measuring feet, going back and forth to the stockroom and fitting shoes - it's not like she's having an intense 1:1 with the mother who must have both hands free.

Would it also be bad manners to rock or soothe a baby while in a shop?

Yanbu! Feeding room or no feeding room, a woman should be able to feed her baby wherever and whenever she needs to. I imagine it would have been a major hassle to trudge to to feeding room with other Dcs in tow when you were perfectly capable of discreetly feeding where you were.
If people don't like it, tough. I really don't understand why some people are offended by a woman breast feeding her baby. It's the most natural thing in the world.

• To a feeding room! not to to!

Feed the baby then ask for assistance.

Why though when it's perfectly easy to do both? I don't see what inconvenience would be caused to the assistant?

I am going to get flamed to shit here BUT

breastfeeding covers are a lifesaver

reason being they are so bloody modest that noone cant get offended

wheather we like it or not, it does make people uncomfortable., they they say shit,. then the Mum gets (naturally) upset and comes on MN

I never had a comment or a word, as wore a black BF cover, and wear alot of black anyway

there are some fucking twats out there unfportunately, and BF covers can make life alot easier

I hate it that its such an issue in the UK. But until things change, why not make life easier for yourself???

It would be easy to do a lot of things but bad mannered, just my opinion.

YANBU
Thank god you were a seasoned feeder and confident enough to ignore her. I've never been confident feeding in public and I would have been mortified!

Feed the baby then ask for assistance? I'm always astounded at the knots people expect mothers to tie themselves up in for the apparent convenience of others. So Morgause, you think OP should have sat instore feeding her baby, whilst her multiple other children unshelved every rack in the store sat quietly and patiently, waiting for feed to be over, THEN the OP should have troubled the assistant to see if she might be able to size her DSs' feet, and then go through the rigmarole of trying on multiple pairs to see which might work? Purely to avoid possibly offending the sensibilities of numpties those around her? Would it not be better-mannered and a hell of a lot more efficient to be feeding baby whilst all of the other steps are going on, rather than taking up that much space in a store for much longer than is necessary.

Fail completely to see how feeding a baby by any method is bad manners in any scenario…….

It's there shop and it's up to them what they find acceptable, not you. YABU as there was a feeding room available and you were asked not to BF in there store, taking up space and potentially affecting their business and passing trade. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable sitting next to someone feeding whilst trying on shoes etc and neither would most people. And if you were feeding in the kids section i wouldn't want my kids sitting on the same bench either, if only for the fact that they could bump you or something.

I agree

we are so hung up on MN that the rights of the BF mothers are SACROSANCT . and that if it makes someone uncomfortable, then they are a Nestle loving, BF hating cxxt

I was also very upset for that lady who got flamed on facebook.

But this shop assistant was at WORK, and if she did not feel comfortable in her professional environment , well that is deserving of some consideration. Ops attitude is very much "fuck you shop assistant, my rights and my baby come first"

anyway

blah have you heard of sex discrimination?

It's there shop and it's up to them what they find acceptable, not you

Actually, I think you'll find that shops need to obey the law...

Oh do one blahblah. She was shopping, not 'taking up space' and I wouldn't give a shiny shit if I was sitting next to a BF mother and nor would most of the people I know. If your kids can't sit on a bench without bumping into someone, maybe they're the ones who should stay home rather than taking up that valuable space and affecting all that passing trade?

the assistant should be able to put her uncomfortableness aside to provide a servie to the public.

Yes, that's what I think, Ilikecakes

When I was buying shoes for my DCs my attention was always entirely on them. In the same position I would have fed the baby first then given the other DCs and the assistant my complete attention.

This attitude is so strange

Of course the shop assistant was BU, she should have turned the other cheek

but so was OP! she knew shop assistance felt uncomfortable, and basically ignored her!

both muppets IMVHO

but I sense the lactivists are having a frisky friday and I am a minority view

But surely the one key person here is the baby.
The baby needed feeding.
Everyone else was an adult and could put their own sensibilities aside.
Presumably the mother would have preferred to feed at home on the sofa with a cup of tea and the TV on. But the baby needed feeding then and as a grown up you deal with minor inconveniences to allow a child to be fed.

YANBU
The reason a law has needed to be passed about feeding babies in public is because there are still plenty of stuffy, ignorant, narrow minded misogynistic idiots around who consider it revolting/ disgusting/ rude/ impolite/ bloody minded to breastfeed and especially to do so in public.
Breastfeeding is absolutely best for mothers and babies on the whole but really, it's still not fully accepted in the uk.
You were absolutely not being unreasonable.

And the shop assistant is paid to deal with the general public. She's expected to handle that some people are different from her own narrow minded view of the world. Unless she is being abused or threatened, I don't think she has any right to dictate who stays and who goes in a shop that is providing a service.
Incidentally service to many babies' bigger brothers and sisters!

Blah, are your kids so out of control that they can not sit nicely on a bench even for a few minutes?

YANBU. The feeding room is there if you want it but you're not obliged to use it.

Silly sales assistant. I'd complain.

I am bemused/ angry at so many attitudes on this thread. On Mumsnet of all places. It makes me so sad that people can't just accept it's just someone feeding a baby FFS. If it's not sunk in yet... THE LAW says (rightly) that women can breastfeed anywhere. It's not up to the shop, not up to individuals. YANBU of course.

Oh YANBU.

You have a legally protected right to do so, Any place that is open to the general public has to follow the law