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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask you to tell me honestly about your 2.5 yr age gaps?

52 replies

PuffyPigeon · 20/03/2014 13:04

Just found out I'm pregnant and my youngest will be around 2.5 when baby is born. She's pretty good at the moment - listens, will hold hands when asked, can share and take turns and understands a lot of what I say etc but I appreciate all this could change at any point! I think 2.5 yrs will be a lovely gap when they're 3 and 5 for example, but honestly how tough is at first?

OP posts:

fromparistoberlin73 · 20/03/2014 13:06

love this gap

KefaloniaBaby · 20/03/2014 13:07

I didn't find it tough at first at all.

It was actually lovely; DD was 2.3 when DS was born and she was just in love with him from day one.

When we brought him home she ran in and said 'DS, come and see my aeroplane..' still gives me a lump in my throat remembering that.

I did find it hard when DS was around 6-12 months, because he became more frustrated at not being able to walk, keep up with her etc.

But he's now 18 months and I can see things getting easier with each month that passes. They amuse each other often, letting me get on with other things or just have a coffee. When they wake up they shout for each other then get into DD's bed for a cuddle. They think each other are hilarious.

It'll be fine. In fact, it will be brilliant.

PicardyThird · 20/03/2014 13:08

Very positive experience all round here. Yes, it is a fair bit of work but I found a lot of sling carrying (and tandem feeding) made the initial phase a lot easier. We had no jealousy at all at the beginning and, while the two of them do argue and jostle for position now at 6 and 8, they play fantastically together and have always adored each other.

bellablot · 20/03/2014 13:10

Lovely age gap. Younger than 2.5 is a lot harder and I've never had a bigger age gap. Don't worry it'll be great!

iloveaglassofwine · 20/03/2014 13:12

It's a lovely gap. DD was 2.9 when DS arrived and was old enough to understand she was going to be a big sister. From the very start he was her baby. Your DD will be old enough to "help" by bringing nappies and such.

Mine are now 2 and 5 and mainly play lovely together and find each other hilarious. DS even misses DD when she's at school.

All will be well, promise.

myrubberduck · 20/03/2014 13:12

well the first 3 months of DS2's life are not months that I would care to repeat to be honest. But is fine now :)

Daddypigsgusset · 20/03/2014 13:14

At first I found it awful.
I felt so guilty at the massive reduction in time spent with dc1 when #2 came along. Dh took over tall the fun bits and I hated it. I felt the baby would get the blame for this in the eyes of my toddler
At around 18m and 4 it became better. They played nicely together and dh was able to take over more care of dc2 so I got my time back with the eldest.
At 31/2 & 6 I love it! They have a lot of the same interests which makes days out/ present buying etc easier and they can play nicely together and with each others friends etc so they never get left out.
They fight like cat and dog at times but I feel it's a lovely gap and looking forward hope it stays that way.

I have friends with 6yr gaps and to me it looks a nightmare as does a 1 year gap! There are probably good bits to any age gap but I love 2 1/2 years!

EatDessertFirst · 20/03/2014 13:15

Our gap is a week less than 2 years but for us, it was the perfect age gap. It was tough but so worth it. They are now 5 and 3.

DD was well settled into her routine when DS arrived and we prepped her by talking about how she could be 'Mummy and Daddy's little helper'. We bought her a boy doll so we could practise gentle hands.

When he arrived he bought her a present and we always tried to involve her in his care as much as possible.

However, they were NEVER left alone together just in case probably until DS was crawling. Luckily he was a hefty chap at that age and quickly learnt to stick up for himself. DD doted on him and still does. DS was a laid back baby who fitted in with DD's routine so she was never put last IYSWIM.

Always try to make some regular 1 to 1 time for yourselves and eldest DD.

Enjoy this age gap!

MOTU · 20/03/2014 13:16

What kefalonia said

We're just hitting the "wanting to follow his big sister but not being able to" roadblock but I'm sure once he can crawl it'll be ok I think it's a perfect age gap, particularly if the toddler is a girl.

OpalQuartz · 20/03/2014 13:17

I found it quite stressful, but I think that was because my eldest was a very chilled baby but my second was a screamer, so it was a real shock to the system. To be honest they still have the same temperament now at 7 and 9. I found it very hard at first, but the older they got the easier and more enjoyable it was for me.

Original poster

PuffyPigeon · 20/03/2014 13:21

I have a 7 year old too and that age gap was easy which is adding to finding this daunting I think. I'm still breastfeeding (at nap/bed time) and co-sleeping which I guess will have to change. The day times don't worry me too much as I can strap baby on and carry on with toddler dd but bedtime seems scary

OP posts:

Original poster

PuffyPigeon · 20/03/2014 13:22

Almost 2 yr old was a very high maintenance baby so hopefully this one can't be any harder...!

OP posts:

Supercosy · 20/03/2014 13:24

All the friends I made when I had Dd had their 2nd babies with between a 2 and 2.5 year age gap. They found it a bit testing at first and tiring too but they were soon in a routine and the children enjoyed playing together in a couple of years which was lovely.

Scholes34 · 20/03/2014 13:26

Smaller age gap for me. Hard initially (with three under three and a half), but now they're 16, 15 and 13 they get on incredibly well, share interests and love it when we're on holiday together away from their friends. Worth all the screaming and shouting (and that was just me).

stopgap · 20/03/2014 13:35

My sons are 2.7 and 8 weeks. It's been hard in that my eldest is not in any form of preschool, so while I still have a lot of family around to help, I am worried that I won't be able to play with him as much (while he adores books and puzzles, he loves running around and me chasing him, which you can't exactly achieve with a baby in a carrier).

My eldest pretended at first that the new baby didn't exist, but he's slowly coming round to the new addition.

AnnieOats · 20/03/2014 14:14

That's exactly the gap between my 2 boys. It was hard work but not too bad and they are the best of friends. Only thing that I wish I could change were when they were born as there's 3 school years between them so DS1 has to wait longer before his little brother joins him at secondary school!

petalunicorn · 20/03/2014 14:39

I've got a variety of age gaps and I think 2.5 years is one of the most challenging but often people can't choose and there are pros and cons whatever way your family pans out. Tip wise: Don't let baby trash the older ones games/stuff when they are mobile, don't make the older one play with the little one if they don't want to (when you look in pre-schools it is rare the ready for school ones play with the 2 year olds out of choice for instance) and make sure older one gets some quality 1:1 time.

pregnantpause · 20/03/2014 14:42

It was hard at first- dd2 was not the angel baby dd1 was. Twi in nappies was hard. I HAD to get over the fact that dd2 would be left to cry in a way dd1 had never been- I had a toddler to deal with. I quickly learnt to do everything together- dd1 eating dinner, dd2 feeding, bed time stories together, bathing together, bed time together, if dd and I were drawing I would 'do one for dd 2', playing dolls would mean popping a doll next to the baby so she could 'play' too. I always included baby as a full family member, with feelings and thoughts to be considered. They know now that if they don't agree on something and do it together- they won't do anything at all (for instance if they fight over where to go, farm or park- if they can't come to a joint decision, we go nowhere, if they fight over a toy- I take it away all together until they can share and play together) This IMO was my best decision, they are extremely close now, and there's no rivalry. Dd1 can't remember being an only. Dd2 wasn't a baby for long though she had her sister to catch up with. They're 5 and 3 now, and listening to their conversations and hearing them play is my absolute favourite bit of being a parent. They bargain with one another 'if we ask Mammy for my favourite dinner, tomorrow we'll ask for your favourite breakfast' or ' shall we watch brave or tangled? Okay, but then tangled next time' overhearing this kind of thing brings a smile and a tear for me. When dd2 fell down the stairs dd 1 came rushing in, 'quick! Dd2! Help!' , so earnestly concerned and loving. Last week when dd1 was sick, dd2 patted her back while she vomited and offered to get her teddy.

sleepychunky · 20/03/2014 14:44

There are almost exactly 2.5 years between my 2 DS (only 1 week difference). The very beginning was difficult because DS was used to being the only one, so was quite demanding but it didn't take long to get him used to his new brother. When DS2 was mobile it got easier as they could play better together, and now they are 4 and 7 it's great! DS2 can't wait to join his big brother at school in September, they like the same TV programmes, same games, same days out and when they're not fighting with each other are totally in love with each other. It's really nice when DS2 chooses DS1 to read his bedtime story instead of one of us, and DS1 is really patient, although does have a whinge sometimes about always having to give in to his little brother (which he doesn't).
It's a great gap! My sister and I are the same and, apart from a few years when she was the teenage bitch from hell, we have been great friends all our lives and she's my best friend now (excluding DH).
Good luck!

saintlyjimjams · 20/03/2014 14:45

I have three with 2.5-3 years between each.

Fine when younger but they fight now! (all school age)

PastaandCheese · 20/03/2014 14:55

My DS is only 2 weeks old so I can't really advise or offer experience other than to say so far DD (2.4) adores him. She calls him 'my baby pasta' and tells everyone about him including telling the cashier in M&S he does orange poos

DD seemed a bit cross with me when I first brought him home but I've made a point of doing something just with her everyday whilst he naps be it painting, baking, digging in garden etc and this has improved already.

The midwife who delivered DS said to include her in everything and that is helping too. She helps with nappies, lifts my top and announces he needs special milk, counts cotton wool balls etc. It has it's limitations though..... After a pooplosion yesterday I asked her to grab him a clean vest and babygro and she came back proudly clutching a cardigan!

I did find the final weeks of pregnancy incredibly hard going with a toddler though...... Be prepared for that.

CantUnderstandNewtonsTheory · 20/03/2014 15:45

It is lovely ime, mine are the best of friends! Pregnancy is tough when you have a toddler but the rest was easier than I imagined

TimothyClaypoleLover · 20/03/2014 15:53

There is exactly 2 years between mine. DD was very unsettled from just before DS born and for a good couple of months after and the first week she hated him. It is hard work as you initially have no time for first born and DH found it hard going having to take on more responsibility with keeping DD happy. However, DD and DS love each other and now at 2 and 4 they play together and constantly giggle at each other which is the best sound ever.

Agree that younger one is always desperate to keep up with older one which makes younger one very frustrated.

notthegirlnextdoor · 20/03/2014 15:56

Its hard but it always is with a new baby regardless of age gaps. My girls are now 3 and 5 and a half and their relationship is so lovely.

somedizzywhore1804 · 20/03/2014 16:02

Can only speak from the child's pov here but that's the gap between me and DSis and it's great. There was enough of a gap that we weren't direct rivals and there was a clear older and younger sister, but we were close enough that we had a lot in common. Still close now and much more so than friends who have siblings with smaller and larger gaps.

Fwiw DH and his DSis have a slightly larger gap (3.1yrs) and are similarly close.

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