to ask you to tell me honestly about your 2.5 yr age gaps?

[PuffyPigeon]

Just found out I'm pregnant and my youngest will be around 2.5 when baby is born. She's pretty good at the moment - listens, will hold hands when asked, can share and take turns and understands a lot of what I say etc but I appreciate all this could change at any point! I think 2.5 yrs will be a lovely gap when they're 3 and 5 for example, but honestly how tough is at first?

This is the exact gap between mine - youngest is not 10 weeks. Same gap with me and my sister too and we're best friends :)

As long as the toddler is involved loads it's fine - a lot easier than I thought it would be!

DD1 is 2 yrs 6 months 1 day older than DD2. It's a lovely age gap. Though to be honest it got harder not easier with time. When DD2 was a baby it was much easier. Now that they started playing together it's much noisier, much more drama, etc. Probably just a phase.

2.9 age gap here and it's fab.

2.9 gap as well , now they are almost ds24 and dd21, they are and have always been best friends, it was a bit daunting for the first few days but after that a breeze, I have blocked from my mind all the teasing and tormenting over the years now i have another dd who is 5 and I sometimes wish I had another one who would share the 2.5 gap as it is like having an only now.

I have a 2.4 year gap between my DS and DD. The only thing I found quite hard at first was that DS wasn't in any type of childcare so I had them both at home 24/7 and the only reason I found this hard was the fact I couldnt sleep when DD did. DS had basically given up on naps by then, if I was v lucky he would sleep in my bed with me and DD (actually we all do this sometimes still!).

After 5 months I sent DS to nursery one afternoon a week so it gave me a bit of a break, I breastfed so felt unbelievably tired! So that break kept me sane til he started his free 15 hours last Sept.

They're now 3.8 and 16 months and they are so lovely. Really close, they have started playing together now and they make each other laugh (and cry too sometimes but that is what siblings are for!)

DS is now 14 and a bit , DD nearly 12 (he was 2.6 when she was born)

They've always got on ok because he's always been "The Big Brother".
She was a lovely laid back baby .

Now both at the same Secondary, she has no scales before her eyes, he's her teenage brother, they pretty much ignore each other at school

They have different interests too.

But in the baby/toddler days there was no jealousy. We always made sure they had time alone with us , either one parent at a time, or if my parents were visiting , they took one out, DH and I took the other one.

I had 2.2 years between my 2 and it's always been great. Eldest too young to remember life before DD2 came along so didn't really have problems adapting. Now they are 4 and 2 and play really well.

It was tough at first but only because older child was jealous of newcomer. Once the baby has become more interesting, it is a brilliant gap. They are close enough to be true friends but not so close that the second is always in the shadow of the first school-wise.

I'm glad I read this thread. I'm due DS2 in a few weeks and there will be exactly this age gap between them. I'm planning to get DS1 a "baby" of his own to look after and DS2 has got a present to give to DS1 when he comes home from the hospital,

Good, 2.9 actually but old enough to help and younger one just has to get on with it.

Keep the faith 70isalimit. 2 years between DH and his DSis. They were very close as children apparently, not so good as teens but are as close as anything now.

We all travelled across Canada and America together as students and he was the only person she could talk to when her first marriage broke down. He drove 6 hours through the night to be with her that day and bring her back to where she was loved and could be looked after.

I really hope my DD and DS can have such a lovely relationship.

it was awful at first. Ds1 (2.7 when DS2 was born) was a very tantrummy, melt-downy toddler, and was very thrown and angry about the birth of his brother.

They were very physical with each other as they got older - lots of pushing, biting, pinching. But also friendly wrestling.

DS1 would be quite verbally negative about the existence of his brother, and I despaired that they'd get on because DS1 didn't "love his little brother" like some of my friends DCs did (although actually, a lot of them either had more subtle upset reactions - regression, sly violence whereas his was more overt and easier to deal with)

HOWEVER

They get on really well now (13 and nearly-11). They are very different and this helps - very little competition between them. I know there's a theory that siblings do tend to emphasise their differences. There's none of the tale-telling I see between siblings with a bigger gap. They are mates and I love to see them supporting each other and giving each other advice.

DS2 gave his first smile and his first laugh to his brother.

For a few years I wished for a bigger gap but actually I think I got the (IME) harder baby and toddler bit over in a concentrated period of time.

MY advice - don't push your older one to be the big one. Remember how little they are. Encourage kindness but don't expect them to be best mates. That will come later if you don't get too stressed.

I have two - that is, three DC with just over two and a half years between each pair.

What's interesting is that it's been so different this time round. DC1 was emotionally quite mature at that age but physically less forward. DC2 is potty trained but seems younger emotionally. He isn't coping nearly as well with new baby as DC1 did.

I didn't need a double pram first time, just a buggy board; this time I was dyyyyyying until I got a P&T.

DC1 and DC2 can often play together (now five and a half and nearly three). DC1 reads to DC2 sometimes; they both like Lego, football and Brio trains.

In other words, you can't predict what will happen. So much depends on the temperament of the older child and the needs of the baby.

congratulations! my two DDds were 2.8 apart. exhausting at all times and the desperate need to have everything exactly the same as each other at all times is hard work, we have many an argument over who had the 'big half' and early days were slightly horrific.

But.... They adore each other, they are best friends and liking the same stuff means there's loads of toys and activities we can do together, they are both tiny and cute and now (at 3 and 5) I find them pretty easy (sometimes) I think it's a lovely age gap.

I've had a 15 month gap and a 2.3 yrs gap. Tbh I found the latter harder. Dd was in the middle of the terrible 2's and potty training hell and it was tough with a newborn. Now they are 3.8 and 17 months it's lovely though. Congratulations

Also, expect your eldest to be really clingy when the baby comes. Mine went back to to some baby traits for a while and wouldn't leave my side.

just go with it and they will adjust.

18 month age gap here.

DD loved her new DS from day one and now at 7&8 they really are best friends. They fight like cat and dog sometimes, but the love, cuddles, thoughtfulness, shared 'in jokes' and giggles that they share is heart stoppingly lovely.

DD can't remember life before her DS and when ever we look at photos 'pre DS' she tells him that he was already getting cooked and on his way by then so not to feel left out.

And I think that it stopped either of them being over indulged. Not saying that they got less attention or cuddles, but they have 'always' had to share/take turns/consider the other etc, which is a good thing.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am going to be trying for a 2.5y age gap soon so interested to hear what everyone has to say

V good for us now - and it's the gaps between me and sibling too and that's great.

MY advice - don't push your older one to be the big one. Remember how little they are. Encourage kindness but don't expect them to be best mates. That will come later if you don't get too stressed.

• I'd echo this - I tend to expect a bit too much with DS1.

I would also decide now if you think you'll try potty training whilst PG or leave it until baby is 3 months or so.

Thanks for your replies.

Not fussed about potty training - dd is pretty low-maintenance nappy wise as she only poos once per day so having two in nappies for a bit will be easier than being conflicted between needing to feed a newborn and needing to take a toddler to the toilet!

Just nervous about baby waking toddler and vice versa really. Dd isn't tantrummy at the moment and loves helping and dolls so fingers crossed that's a good start!

Mine never woke each other, if that helps.

DS2 was perfectly capable of waking himself

My three youngest have 27 months, then 25 months between them, and when they were tiny it was much easier than it is now oddly enough.
They drive me insane now, with the constant bickering, name calling, pushing and shoving and generally turning Every. Little. Thing into World War III
I love them to bits, but there are times when I could cheerfully use on of them to beat the other two to death with
I didn't appreciate how good/easy they were as baby/toddlers until they grew up a bit - they are now 11, 9 and 7.

Mine are 2.3 apart.

Honestly? It was a fucking nightmare for the first 6 months. Of course there are lots of lovely bits I remember...ds1 feeding ds2. 'Reading' him a story. Cuddling him and helping me.

But the day to day was a relentless grind. I can remember one day when ds2 was about 5 weeks just sitting on my bed and crying at 11am. Reason? Because I was still in my dressing gown and had been trying to get us all dressed and out for two hours.

The baby needed a feed. Then the toddler pees on the hall carpet. Baby needed a nappy change...hear clatterings and bangs and toddler is emptying the saucepan cupboard onto the kitchen floor. Go to clear it up, baby's crying. Toddlers dinner time...oh fuck, no bread. Struggle out of the house with a bouncy toddler and baby screaming in the car seat. Try to lock the front door whilst containing the toddler and carrying baby and the two tonnes of crap you have to take everywhere in case of feed/change/apocalypse etc.

From about 8/9 months it started to get so much easier. Baby on your hip, can start eating family meals, crawling round, ds1 was 3 and started part time nursery.

At ages 2 and 4 it was busy, but getting good. They start playing together, you get a bit of occasional peace. Going on a full day out with both of them on your own no longer fills you with dread.

At ages nearly 4 and 6 it's BRILLIANT.

It's worth it in the end!!

Mine are now 3.7 and 14 months and it's been great. I was nervous as my brother and I have a 23 month gap and I was atrocious towards him but 2.5 has been excellent.

My older son had a few weepy days when baby first born but was pretty good from early on. Although he did throw away/hide the gift he got given by the baby! He was very gentle and careful initially - now they wrestle away and to be honest DS2 is probably more of a danger than DS1.

However ds1 is definitely a more cautious and calmer personality (ds 2 sometimes seems like he has a death wish) so it might be down to personality rather than age gap.

I think whatever age gap you have will eventually work out for you - my brother and I are close now even if I was pretty nasty to him as a baby.