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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy DP separate food?

123 replies

lola88 · 20/03/2014 09:47

because he eats so bloody much he's not leaving any for us?

It's cereal, biscuits, crisps and milk and it's driving me mad he seems to think all biscuits need to be eaten within 24 hours! I went to get DS some weetbix for breakfast and DP has eaten the last 4 not leaving DS one so then I decided to make DS porridge with honey and there's no honey, then I look in the fridge and there is not enough milk for porridge anyway. So Toast and nutella it was except there's so bloody nutella either!!! I only done a food shop on sunday. His excuse is there are other things we can eat but why should we not get some because he's so greedy!

AIBU to buy him his own things put his name on it and tell him when it's done he can't have ours? I'm sick of not being able to get a bloody custard cream when I want one.

OP posts:
TulipOHare · 21/03/2014 12:10

DP does this with anything sweet.

Really annoys me because I will buy, say, a large bar of chocolate that would last me weeks just having a square or two now and again. I might not fancy any for days and then when I do want some, it's gone, he's scoffed it.

So I buy two, and say v clearly that THIS one is mine and THIS one is yours, and if you polish yours off in one evening don't start on mine.

Feels childish but we're not made of money, and I do the food shopping with a set amount of time in mind for it to last. His swarm of locusts act throws it all out of whack.

julieann42 · 21/03/2014 13:12

With teenagers and a husband the same I took to hiding food in the boot of my car..if I bought a big pack of crisps on special offer they would go just as quick as a small pack so I bring in a couple of packs at a time, the same for biscuits...like you it really annoys me that people can't consider anyone else!

TalisaMaegyr · 21/03/2014 13:21

ABSOLUTELY what expat said!

WTF?? She's not his mum! Tell him to buy his own stuff and stop being so selfish and greedy Hmm

verytellytubby · 21/03/2014 14:27

He sounds greedy and selfish. When I read your title I thought YABU but I definitely think he needs his own food.

WillieWaggledagger · 21/03/2014 14:30

buying his own stuff is hardly useful if it's all coming from the same pot of money? it's still going over budget whoever is trekking out to the shops

he does need to exercise self-control

it would be easier for him to exercise self-control if he had more of a fat- and protein-based diet than cramming in sugar and simple carbs. up to him to do so

post · 21/03/2014 14:54

When I do the shop I divide the treat type things into general cupboard treats and a separate large Tupperware box that is only for me to go into, and is things for Dd's packed lunches, primarily, as I had the same problem with finding out in the morning that there was nothing to go in her lunch, because dh, or teenage ds's had eaten it.

Could you do something like that; so there are things available but a 'sacred', already accounted for separate store?

zirca · 21/03/2014 15:18

My mum used to bake cakes for my Dad as he was always hungry otherwise. The cake went in a tin and he could have as much as he wanted - but not raid the cupboards for anything else. It worked really well and wasn't too expensive. Also, give him more rice/pasta/potatoes. Will fill him up and cheap!

motheroftwoboys · 21/03/2014 15:43

This is so funny. Our sons are 23 and 21. Older one is back living with us at the moment, works freelance. Younger one at uni. When younger one comes home for the weekend first thing he does is look in the fridge. He could eat a 12 pack of crisps in one day and a litre of orange juice in one go. Easy. Big pack of ham which would last me a week goes in a day. The older one I can't keep enough vegetables in the house as he is into juicing in a big way. He does go out and buy his own though. Men children of that age are just bottomless pits. Like many of you I have to hide things like chocolate - so I can just have a couple of squares now and again. Once I found they had eaten the cooking chocolate!

LaGuardia · 21/03/2014 16:00

I am guessing his money paid for it all though, right?

Dahlen · 21/03/2014 16:01

Very selfish, thoughtless behaviour.

It's not up to the OP to police her DH's eating. He is a grown adult who can choose what and how much to eat. And since he's a grown adult he can also take responsibility for it. Anything he uses up over and above what is his share he has to replace. That way he can eat what he likes but without taking food from the rest of his family.

I would start involving him in the weekly shop OP, especially including him in the planning and costing of it. Once his eyes are opened to that you should find he starts improving.

Although that does rather assume that he's a decent guy who's just thoughtless. If he's a selfish arse he may not take any notice.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2014 16:01

Men children?

Cannot imagine mollycoddling an adult like this, regardless of gender!

No wonder the board is full of so many selfish arses masquerading as adults!

Stop pandering to another adult, OP! or skivvy one for a greedy person.

Hide the fucking food if he's eating so damn much there is nothing much left for a kid!

My ex was 6ft, 3in, worked a manual job and was an athlete as well.

He would NEVER have gobbled the place clear.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2014 16:02

His money? It's a partnership.

EverythingCounts · 21/03/2014 16:12

Don't go and get any more extras from the shop, for a start. If he wants more food, he will have to go himself (with 'his' money Hmm)

I would start putting notes on the stuff he eats lots of saying 'This is for DS. If you eat it he will not have any left'. Then if he goes ahead and eats it, he is being selfish as well as thoughtless and you know what you're tackling. I agree with getting him more involved in planning and shopping too.

poocatcherchampion · 21/03/2014 16:18

if I buy treat cereal I always buy 2 boxes and pur our names on it. he's a gobble it up type and i like to make it last a lovely long time. its solved all sorts of problems.

Amethyst24 · 21/03/2014 16:25

"I usually buy 3 boxes of cereal 3 packs of biscuits 2 of chocolate biscuits a 12 pack of crisps, 8 yogurts, 3 loaves and 6 of those chocolate desert things like rolo, a pot of jam, honey and nutella plus all the usual shopping every week"

So stop buying this crap. Apart from the bread, there is NOTHING in that list that you actually need. It's all empty calories - it might be ok for your H in a manual job but it's not good for your children to eat so much sugar. Then if your DH wants "treats" he can buy them himself on his way to/from work.

Losthearts · 21/03/2014 17:26

He surely doesn't need this quantity of food and most of it is junk anyway

nickelbabe · 22/03/2014 19:33

it's not about mollycoddling her dh.
it's aboit trying to thinknof solutions that don't nake him look/feel like a child and for op not to look like she's treating himnlike one.

op is in charge of the shopping andcooking, so it's falling on her to find a way to stop him eating all the good stuff.

we know he works in.a manual job, so he need more calories every day. but he doesn't need to keep eating all the treats.

I'm disturbed by how many on here have to hide things from their family to stop it disappearing.

he most likely doesn't even realise how mich he's relying on crap to fill him up (except crap doesn't fill up, it just gives a sugar rush)
he needs to have bigger dinners (or maybe smaller dinners but more of them?) and eat proteins and fats eather than carbs.

the op's job here isn't to patronise or deal with his fads as if he's a child, but to work with him.to devise a suitable diet and meal plan

WitchWay · 22/03/2014 19:42

After "Peargate" early in our marriage, DH will alway ask me if he can eat something, unless it's crisps which no-one else eats anyway.

My DF used to come & stay when he was nearby on business & I used to make a nice dinner, he would bring nice wine, it was lovely. On one occasion the pudding was to have been "poached pears in red wine" & the necessary three pears were in the fruit bowl - nothing unusual in that except DH ate one of the bloody pears before I got home & he hardly ever eats fruit unless some twit me has cutted it up first Aargh!

Grin
gimcrack · 22/03/2014 21:58

Talk to him. If he's eating all the breakfast, then he shouldn't be as your DS will go hungry. Either your DH is greedy or he needs more food.

If I buy a pack of biscuits, DH may scoffle loads but will always leave one.

Losthearts · 23/03/2014 08:50

It sounds like there is something wrong with your DH that is he is stuffing himself constantly and think beyond his own stomach

RawCoconutMacaroon · 23/03/2014 09:03

As you say your DH is tall, muscular and works a manual job... I think he needs to eat more actual food at meal times so he's not snacking on junk to get calories.

Adding more protien and natural fats would be good. Sausages and eggs (boiled eggs omelette or Spanish omelet can be prepared the night before) for a substantial breakfast.

My (farming) relatives used to eat 4 meals a day, and they needed it, very long days and lots of physical work burns it off.

Original poster
lola88 · 23/03/2014 09:22

nickelbabe yes exactly I'm not his mother I don't want to be responsible for his crap eating. I don't eat like him neither does DS however we still like a treat if we fancy some crisps 3 days after the shop I would like to be able to have 1.

Yesterday I made a double batch of pancakes kept 8 for DS and me and gave him 14 he had all of his with in a 12 hour period we still have 5 left he did pester for some of ours but gave up after 5 mins. I'm just going to buy him his own stuff it's much easier than arguing over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lola88 · 23/03/2014 09:22

I have told him is diet is crap and he needs to change it but he doesn't want to

OP posts:
ThatBloodyWoman · 23/03/2014 09:29

I would hide stuff.

That's what dh does with his share of the chocolate to stop me eating it.....

(I wouldn't eat the kids share, but dh can keep hold of his share for days, and it just winks at me till I cave in.)

Some people have a problem with moderation, whether it's food, fags, booze, drugs, whatever.

A solution is more productive than condemnation.

Tryingtobetidy · 23/03/2014 09:33

Yesterday I made a double batch of pancakes kept 8 for DS and me and gave him 14 he had all of his with in a 12 hour period we still have 5 left he did pester for some of ours but gave up after 5 mins

He sounds like a greedy sod

There is definitely something not right - whatever his job he surely doesn't need this amount of food