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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy DP separate food?

123 replies

lola88 · 20/03/2014 09:47

because he eats so bloody much he's not leaving any for us?

It's cereal, biscuits, crisps and milk and it's driving me mad he seems to think all biscuits need to be eaten within 24 hours! I went to get DS some weetbix for breakfast and DP has eaten the last 4 not leaving DS one so then I decided to make DS porridge with honey and there's no honey, then I look in the fridge and there is not enough milk for porridge anyway. So Toast and nutella it was except there's so bloody nutella either!!! I only done a food shop on sunday. His excuse is there are other things we can eat but why should we not get some because he's so greedy!

AIBU to buy him his own things put his name on it and tell him when it's done he can't have ours? I'm sick of not being able to get a bloody custard cream when I want one.

OP posts:

EatDessertFirst · 20/03/2014 11:18

I have no control over eating sweet stuff so I just don't keep it in the house.

I do however have to make sure I warn DP that "that remaining bread/cereal/apples/bananas are for the DC in the morning". Otherwise it would all be gone.

Like PP, if I find he has finished something without adding it to the shopping list or telling me, then I text him to pick some up on the way home from work.

There is no excuse for eating so much that there is nothing left for your children. Even if you can afford to replace it or buy more, its just inconsiderate and the attitude behind it needs addressing.

mrsjay · 20/03/2014 14:53

it is the fact the op only did shopping on sunday and it is all gone I would go spare if my dh did that

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 20/03/2014 14:58

Just buy more food. And make him come with you to do the foodshop.

Topseyt · 20/03/2014 15:05

Give him a dose of his own medicine. Make him do the shopping and then you get on with eating it. I would bet that he won't be happy when it has all disappeared like snow of a dyke. Might make him think a bit more.

Original poster

lola88 · 20/03/2014 15:42

Sorry I should have been clearer there was butter and jam for toast but DS loves the nutella. He always leaves food but eats all the good stuff before we can get to it! He's not usually selfish at all especially not with DS he would give DS his last penny but not his last custard cream :(

He's not over weight at all 6"3 and around 13.5 stone mostly muscle from his job he works in a very manual job so burns it off and doesn't want to hear it's about health as well as weight.

We go over this loads leave some for us but he does it for a week then goes back to munching everything though he will happily pay for replacements it's not the point. If I buy him his own and he runs out it will be tough for him I'm not above weighing my golden syrup I think he needs a reality check on how much he goes through I do the food shop so he doesn't seem to understand how often I have to restock.

OP posts:

Jolleigh · 20/03/2014 15:54

If he's not actually eating an excessive amount (by excessive I mean so much that he's piling weight on) then why not just buy more food? I think YA both B a teeny bit U. He should be leaving enough for your DC but equally, you should be buying enough for everyone.

If of course he was piling weight on through excessive eating it would be a different matter.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2014 15:59

FFS. Tell him he must go,out and buy his own shit.

nickelbabe · 20/03/2014 16:04

okay, it looks like he needs the extra food, but it's justwrong that he eats the stuff without thinking if there's enough left for everybody else.

You need to sit down with him and explain all this (although why you need to explain to a grownup that they're being selfish is another matter). He needs to know that it's unfair on the family.
tell him that if he wants extra food, that he should buy it and label it (as you suggested) or put it in his own cupboard, and that on top of that, he must only eat what is necessary for mealtimes from the family stash.

I have to say, that you also (as a family) need to have a shopping list. When I ouse-shared, we had a list that was printed form the computer weekly, and when things were running out, we would tick the list of the item that was low. It was easy to keep track of what we needed, but in your DH's case, ti migth also make him think about how quickly things are running out.
The important thing is that it's okay for him to eat the food, but it's not okay for him to finish the food meaning that noone else can eat sensibly.

nickelbabe · 20/03/2014 16:04

*house-shared

ouryve · 20/03/2014 16:10

Why should you have to go to all that trouble? Tell him that, if he wants to stuff his face silly with something, he goes out and buys enough of that something to stuff his face with. If you're on a tight budget, then he goes without something else to pay for it.

Original poster

lola88 · 20/03/2014 16:11

He only doesn't put weight on due to his job he had an accident last year at work and was off for 6 weeks ate the same but put a stone on (it was his hand so didnt effect his mobility) then lost it in 3 weeks after going back to work. I usually buy 3 boxes of cereal 3 packs of biscuits 2 of chocolate biscuits a 12 pack of crisps, 8 yogurts, 3 loaves and 6 of those chocolate desert things like rolo, a pot of jam, honey and nutella plus all the usual shopping every week. I would say he eats 70% of that in the first 3 days then asks me to pick him up family bags of crisps and large bars of choc at the local shops (he pays)

The phrase I don't know where he puts it was made for this man.

OP posts:

missingwelliesinsd · 20/03/2014 16:11

Is there anyway you could give him the shopping list and have him do the weekly shop for a month? Maybe then he can get an appreciation of the sheer drudgery of food shopping and how bloody annoying it is when items that should last until the next weekly shop get eaten in a day and have to be replaced already.

My DH is like this with anything chocolate which is why we don't buy anything like that regularly. If he wants it he has to go out and get it himself. Seriously, it's like his level of self-control (with chocolate at least) never matured from when he was a boy.

SnookyPooky · 20/03/2014 16:11

My DH is not working at the moment so he is eating a lot in the daytime. I have to hide the ham and cheese for my sandwiches behind the veg.

AppleAndBlackberry · 20/03/2014 16:14

He's not overweight so he probably just needs a lot more calories than you think given his height, job etc. Obviously if you're low on everything and he doesn't leave any breakfast for your DS then he needs to show some more consideration, but it sounds a little like you're just not getting enough food for the week. If there's a reason for this (money, time, not being able to carry it?) then make sure he joins you on the food shop next time and pays a fair contribution.

Jolleigh · 20/03/2014 16:15

But the active job means he is using the calories from the large amount of food he's eating. Yes, it seems excessive but if while he's working he doesn't gain weight then he does need to eat that much.

Thudercatsrule · 20/03/2014 16:15

Sounds to me like he doesn't like the "adult" stuff bought for him and wants kids stuff, so just buy more kids stuff.

Or do what I do I, just put out a few days worth of snacks, tasty cereal, biscuits ect and when it's gone, replace it with the secret stash! I also "hide" extra things at the back of the salad drawer, my DP would never look there!!

AppleAndBlackberry · 20/03/2014 16:17

He might feel fuller if he included a bit more protein in his diet, either at meals or snacks... That is certainly a lot of carbs on your list.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/03/2014 16:17

Buy a large plastic box. Put his share in it. Tell him he is now responsible for maintaining the stock in his box and that he doesn't nick the families share if he runs out - he just goes and buys some more for himself.

It might wake him up to how much he is eating.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/03/2014 16:17

gah - family's not families

5feralloinfruits · 20/03/2014 16:37

hmmm

I think tis tricky really,because yes,he should be more considerate,but maybe you just need to buy more food?

It wouldnt bother me,but then we dont have a tight budget and i have shopping delivered at least 2 or 3 times a week so were never low on anything,i do have 5 kids though so our food bill is high and we get through a lot of food,ive just accepted it.

Original poster

lola88 · 20/03/2014 16:58

ChazsBrilliantAttitude thats my idea this is your food if you want more go buy it, then DS and I don't miss out.

We do have a tight budget and I don't drive live in a village and have a toddler to get up 2 flights of stone steps so could do without the constant trips to the pricey co-op with bags of crap and I already mostly go over budget every week, it seems the more I buy the more he eats.

I cook from scratch mostly and send him pack lunches to work to try and fill him up but he's never full. There have been times DS has been very good or done something special I say he can have a treat when we get home and when I go to the cupboard there's nothing there DS is disappointed so then we need to go back down stairs and round to the shops to get him the promised treat. He doesn't even tell me what he has finished so I don't know until I go to get whatever it is. He even ate my weight watchers snacks :(

I'm just moaning now...

OP posts:

Songbird · 20/03/2014 17:06

What about a pad and pen attached to the fridge so he can write down when he's eaten the last of something (or nearly finished)? Would he do that?

ouryve · 20/03/2014 17:06

Does he drive, lola? If so, give him a list so he can pick stuff up on the way home. Or else, are you able to do an Internet shop for bulky, non-perishable stuff?

And if he really must fill up on carby crap, then stock up on value weetabix etc, so he's not breaking the bank.

BonTemps · 20/03/2014 18:02

I think it's a man thing, I have three young men to feed, ages are 22, 21, and 16, believe me I have tried weekly, monthly, fortnightly shopping and tbh I give in with them, within 2 days of me shopping nearly everythings gone, for example on Tuesday I went to the local supermarket, brought 4 boxes of cereal, 12 yogurts, 24 crisps, 5 packets of biscuits,12 chocolate chip brioche rolls, jar of nutella, jar of marmite, jam, assorted naice ham, 6 loaves of bread, fruit and veg, meat etc, all this to last until I get paid on the 25th.

I went to pack myself up for work today, breads nearly all gone, no yogurts, no fruit, brioche all gone, no nutella, no biscuits, ham disappeared, no cereal, All I'm left with is a marmite crust sandwich!!

They now know why I'm pissed off, I've not even cooked tea, see if they can make something out of air, like I'm expected too.

Titsalinabumsquash · 20/03/2014 18:12

Baking is your friend here, get him to pit aside a weekend day or an evening depending on your spare time and get him to bake and bake and bake, I use one day every 2 weeks to fill 3 huge Tupperware boxes with flapjacks, granola bars, brownies, rocky road, muffins, cheese straws. The kids and DP know that when it's gone, it's gone.

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