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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike people just "dropping in"?

104 replies

Hadagutsful · 19/03/2014 14:41

It's probably just me being antisocial. I have some friends who repeatedly "drop in" with no prior warning. I'm not particularly house proud and they wouldn't judge me for the house being less than showhome standards anyway. But I really don't like it when they call in and then end up staying for an hour and a half chatting and eating all my biscuits with the assumption that if I'm home, it's ok for them to do so. I don't feel it's ok to not let them in. I'm not really looking for solutions, just wondering if I'm being grumpy and antisocial. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Hadagutsful · 19/03/2014 21:27

Wow, quite different reactions here! I definitely need a new front door as ours is one of those ones where you can just open it if it's not locked and wander in. And people do.

I'd like to think if it was just me and DH I wouldn't mind, but we have two small DC and we're usually negotiating or having WW3 with them.

Meh. I'm not getting het up about it. But I'm glad it's not just me. Wink

OP posts:
Mim78 · 19/03/2014 21:30

I hate the idea so much can hardly bear to think about it! So yanbu from me. No one I know would do that though (I hope!).

SylvaniansKeepGettingHoovered · 19/03/2014 21:38

YANBU, I like to have at least 3 weeks' notice!

DramaAlpaca · 19/03/2014 21:44

I don't mind family or close friends dropping in. They all know to come round to the back door, knock loudly on their way in & put the kettle on when they get into the kitchen Smile

If the front doorbell rings when I'm not expecting visitors, I'll often ignore it. I frequently ignore the landline too.

missingwelliesinsd · 20/03/2014 00:08

I like having people stop by, I'd prefer some notice if I'm honest but spontaneous visits are fine too... EXCEPT when that happens I get really stressed about providing food/drink items. This is my own special brand of insanity!

The thing is, DH and I are on an ongoing mission to eat better (although we fail regularly, at least one trip a week to our local corner store for crisps & twix bars!) As we both know we don't have willpower, we never, ever buy sweet things when we do the weekly shopping. So, when we have unexpected guests, I never have anything tasty to offer (sunflower seeds anyone?) I hate feeling like a lame host who never even has a biscuit to offer.

Anyway, that's my bit of social anxiety for you.

bellybuttonfairy · 20/03/2014 00:22

I dont mind if very close friends or family drop in but not anyone else. I have 3 very young children and I really havent got the patience to have idle chit chat for 2 hours with someone I dont know that well.

bellybuttonfairy · 20/03/2014 00:25

Also, we like soya milk for cereal at our house and take black tea/coffee. So, I never have milk in to make tea. I get some in if Im expecting guests but dropping inners just get squash ??

WTFlike · 20/03/2014 00:28

See all you people who love unexpected visitors? Please, please don't assume others feel the same way!

This is where the problem lies.

SaucyJack · 20/03/2014 00:28

O/T but soya milk is fine in tea belly

bellybuttonfairy · 20/03/2014 00:30

Is it Saucy? I always thought it curdled?

teenagetantrums · 20/03/2014 00:33

I hate it but I live in a flat and don't answer the intercom unless i am expecting someone, I have no problem if someone calls or text and gives me a 10 min warning, I would never just pop in on someone, I always text and say im passing yours are you free for a catch up.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 20/03/2014 00:36

YANBU

I have on several occasions peeped out an upstairs window and purposely ignored the bell!

I have one friend who lives literally 2 mins walk away who for some reason decided to ring the bell 3 times when I had a 5 day old. I know she wanted to see him but fgs if I don't answer after one ring then maybe think "new baby probably either feeding or catching up on sleep" especially as she has a DD similar age to mine so should understand!

coralanne · 20/03/2014 00:51

I work 4 days a week and on my one day off I sometimes "drop In" on my very, very best friend or my sister (neither of them work outside the home).

Anyone else I phone first.

Having said that, I am delighted when people just drop in to my place.

My DS and his partner have been living with me while their home is being built. Several weeks ago her Mother "dropped In" on her way home. (To drop off clothes they had left at her place. Freshly washed and ironed as well).

DS's partner literally tore shreds off her Mother for being so rude as to turn up without phoning first.

So at least I know never to go to their home when they move unless I am specifically invited.

ladymariner · 20/03/2014 01:05

Christ coralanne she'd have been picking her ironing up from the floor where I'd have kicked it if I'd been her mother, the ungrateful little mare!!!

Monty27 · 20/03/2014 01:10

I love people dropping in, if they've given me a bit of notice, or if no notice and just a surprise I will not answer the door if I'm in my dressing gown or still in bed unless I'm feeling up for it.

Freckletoes · 20/03/2014 03:47

So glad I'm not the only one! Can't stand people dropping in-spend life running round like a blue arsed fly and people always arrive when I have a list of things that have to be done! Also don't like kids having friends over for tea without prior warning-miserable mother that I am..... Grin

mumminio · 20/03/2014 04:14

Is this a north-south thing?

coralanne · 20/03/2014 04:55

ladymariner Thanks for your comment/ I was actually thinking about starting an AIBU about this.

Never thought I'd be the MIL from hell (and I won't be), but I never thought I'd get the DIL from hell.

I just keep reminding myself that she is DS's choice.

One of my work colleagues came around with her DH (who was fitting some new doors for me) and he said to her later on "What the hell is he doing with her"" She's a horrible person.

claraschu · 20/03/2014 05:49

I love having people drop in. People always take a hint if it's not a great time.

claraschu · 20/03/2014 05:54

There are only two people I drop in on. I always check several times before I actually go in to their house.

shaz40 · 20/03/2014 06:01

I never get people just dropping round. I'm on my own with 2 boys. I'm the one who is always phoning or texting friends to come round but they're all so busy with their own lives. Luckily I have my mum nearby. Must admit though after reading some of these posts I suppose it would be annoying. Especially if you're trying to get on with housework!

SlightlyDampWellies · 20/03/2014 06:04

I think Alpro soy milk has a stabiliser in it now to stop it curdling, bellybuttonfairy. I went off soy for years because of the curdle factor and have just recently gotten back into it.

I hate people dropping in too. Thankfully only one person does it now, and she is in fact the only person I can tolerate iot from, as she is usually dropping in to borrow something quickly, or return it, and she has a cup of coffee and a laugh and it is in and out in 30 minutes. Plus she is great.

I work from home now, and it is amazing the number of people who drop in for a chat or telephone for a chat because they seem not to realise that you are not on holiday, you are actually working. I refuse to answer the phone now during the day.

JeanSeberg · 20/03/2014 06:10

I hate people coming round when it's organised never mind dropping in!

Delphiniumsblue · 20/03/2014 06:57

That us unbelievable, coralanne, if I was her mother I would have said, tartly, 'you won't be needing these then', and disappeared taking the clothes with me!

Wuxiapian · 20/03/2014 07:03

I hate pop-iners.

I ignore the door and then my phone when it starts.

When I am expecting someone, I don't really enjoy that, either.

Total grump.