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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

412 replies

thebadwife · 19/03/2014 12:14

Just that really, I have always tried to dress my son in the most practical clothes for the activities of the day. The colour has never been important, which when was younger led to him being assumed to be a girl as often as he was a boy. Sometimes he wore leggings but mostly standard trousers, t-shirts and jumpers nothing particularly exciting, experimental or political.

However I have just had a daughter and my friends and family have been very generous and given us some lovely clothes for her which have included a few dresses. My son has always commented positively when I wear dresses, but has been really jealous of these tiny dresses and has asked several times if he can wear them. I told him they were too small but I would buy him a dress for his birthday in May. I have mentioned it to a few people and they have looked at me like I am crazy.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
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7
minouminou · 20/03/2014 12:13

Oh dear.
Do you really need the caffeine?

squoosh · 20/03/2014 12:14

'If any of my boys dressed up in a dress they'd be laughed at no end, by myself'

Doesn't make you sound like a very good parent does it?

minouminou · 20/03/2014 12:15

Doesn't sound like a pleasant bunch of people full stop.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 12:20

Bullied...by people like you, maybe? Here's a suggestion...don't bully.
Confused? About what? His gender identity? His sexuality?
Well done...you've discovered the cause of The Gay.
When you've had your coffee, get onto the BMJ, New Scientist, etc etc....they're waiting.

ZingSweetCoconut · 20/03/2014 12:21

TheBody

that is how I feel.

dressing up fine in any costumey clothes - fine
buying a dress, a proper dress for a boy - no.

Caitlin17 · 20/03/2014 12:25

I don't like bikini tops on baby girls and girl toddlers. If the weather/sun screen factor is high enough they don't need it; if it's too cold/too hot/ no sun screen then a t-shirt or vest. To be consistent those who disapproved of bikinis on girls should disapprove on boys.

Re boys wearing dresses tbh I've not come across it, although I suppose I may have assumed a small child was a girl.

My son at around 3 liked wearing my hats. I have proper hats from a hat shop not beanies and he was fascinated by them. When he was in his teens he had as long hair as the school would allow and occasionally wore nail varnish and kohl. He also appropriated a Harris tweed jacket of mine which he wore to bits. He may also have worn girls' jeans as he had pink and red ones and other colours (although that may just have been vanity that he was slim enough to fit tiny skinny girls jeans)

LackaDAISYcal · 20/03/2014 12:27

Ah, the bikini came in a bag of hand me downs; I would never let them wear one in public...I don't agree with bikinis on LOs either, before anyone starts to get frothy about it!

blahblah, it's my job as a parent to raise rounded individuals who are free from prejudice and intolerance and who are cinfident in expressing themselves. And wearing skirts and dresses is only inappropriate because modern societal norms say so. When I was growing up it would have been considered social suicide to go out in your pjs, yet onesies are worn everywhere now, and "meggings" are apparently the Next Big Thing. Great to know my DS is a trendsetter, as he regularly wears leggings Grin

And in the grand scheme of things, it's nowt to get worked up about. Kids like dressing up. DD wears both boy and girl dressing up stuff and loves her big brothers cast offs too. They're just clothes. Something you wear to keep warm

blahblahblah2014 · 20/03/2014 12:28

So you don't think it's funny when little boys dress up? Sorry but in RL people would find it funny! It's NOT normaly to buy a GIRLS dress for a boy. Hence that's why there are girls and boys sections, ladies and mens sections etc. Dressing up is different but going out and buying your son a dress to wear is ridiculous.

Oh but apparently i'm not a "very good parent" because i never bough my boys dresses! Oh fuck right off.....now......please

squoosh · 20/03/2014 12:29

No dear, you sound like a crap parent because you'd laugh at your son 'no end' if he put a dress on.

You also sound like an aggressive shrew.

LackaDAISYcal · 20/03/2014 12:30

three year olds are also perfectly capable of knowing what they want and as a parent, if its within reason and isn't harmful or they are being brattish, then they can have it. If he wants to play with a knife, NO. If he wants to wear his sisters Hello Kitty pants, fine, go ahead!

blahblahblah2014 · 20/03/2014 12:31

And wearing skirts and dresses is only inappropriate because modern societal norms say so

If you want to go against social norms and lead the way, feel free to do so. But don't use your kids for this purpose, at least until they are old enough to know the implications of what they are doing. It's not fair.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 12:31

How silly.
No-one said you were a bad parent because you didn't buy dresses for your sons.

It's the fact that you say you and your circle would openly mock them.

Why would you find it so funny and ridiculous? Can you explain it?

blahblahblah2014 · 20/03/2014 12:32

No dear, you sound like a crap parent because you'd laugh at your son 'no end' if he put a dress on.

He's 6ft 5" so yes, i would laugh my bollocks off as he'd look ridiculous! And everyone else would laugh too. Exept MNetters, of course

blahblahblah2014 · 20/03/2014 12:33

Would you not find it funny if you come home and saw your DH in a dress and all that?

squoosh · 20/03/2014 12:33

Well I hope you and your bollocks have a great time.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 12:34

No-one's using their children as pawns in some societal subversion conspiracy thingie, FFS. They're just letting them do their own thing...a thing which doesn't damage property, doesn't insult anyone.

You're very angry about this...you claim to be concerned about the welfare of these children, but admit you'd deride them.

LackaDAISYcal · 20/03/2014 12:35

there are only girls and boys sections and mens and ladies sections because society has always dictated what is normal and right. Pink has been commandeered as a girls colour, when preciously it was the other way round; pink was the junior form of masculine red, and girls wore pale blue as it symbolised the virgin mary; things are always changing, clothes are becoming more and more androgenous (see onesies)

And there will always be people who willl challenge societal norms. This is good and healthy and I would be immensely proud if my DS grew up to be someone like that...all because I let him wear his sisters hand me downs.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 12:36

I must admit, at 6.5" that would be quite a sight....

blahblahblah2014 · 20/03/2014 12:36

Your job as a parent is to guide and advise your children, not just "let them do their own thing as long as it's not damaging property etc"

Social norms are social norms for a reason - Because it's the majority

LackaDAISYcal · 20/03/2014 12:36

I'm not "using my kids"; I'm letting them wear what they want. Get a fucking grip Hmm

Cuddlydragon · 20/03/2014 12:37

blah you do understand that it isn't your stance on clothing that you're being critisised for, it's your free admission that you'd ridicule your child and allow other close family members to do the same? I'd ease up on the coffee a bit, giving you the benefit of the doubt that caffeine may be the source of your aggression. Why don't you reread Lackadaisycal's post and consider her point in a quieter moment?

LackaDAISYcal · 20/03/2014 12:39

I am guiding my children to have a free choice and to do what they want as long as it isn't illegal or hurting anyone.

Jeez, you'd think I was torturing him or something. I'm not making him wear girls clothes to the exlcusion of all else and confusing his gender identity; I'm letting him dress in what he wants. He was three at the time.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 12:39

Same here, Lacka.

DS, at seven, is the go-to boy for the other children in his class when they're getting ragged on by the class bully.

Why? Because he's kind, empathetic and compassionate, and isn't scared to confront the bully, even physically if need be.

This is the sort of man I want to bring up.

blahblahblah2014 · 20/03/2014 12:40

A 3 year old does not know that he is challanging the social norms by wearing a dress, and is therefore not able to make the decision to do so. Oh and please don't take your DS's out in dresses and tutu's it's just wrong. I grew up in quite a rough part of central London, where blokes were blokes and women were ladies. I know times changes and it's been several decades since i had a little one, but cetain things are just not appropiate and just look plain daft

Caitlin17 · 20/03/2014 12:41

Lackadaisy if it were down to me your boy in a dress, at any age, is a gazillion times better than any one of either sex over the age of 2 in a onesie. I do reserve the right to be wholly disapproving of that.

Bloke in a dress- at best curiosity and admiration for his nerve-at best Grayson Perry and that other gorgeous bloke who featured on a thread about cross-dressing.

Bloke in a onesie- Ugh, ugh and triple ugh.